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Top 10 Horror Movie Meltdowns

GGuignol 29 Comments

I’m drawn to different movies for different reasons - sometimes it’s the acting, or the script, sometimes the cinematography. Sometimes it’s less high-minded than that. Admittedly I’ve been drawn over the years to films that don’t necessarily sit on the same shelves as something that Clint Eastwood or the Coen Bros would pump out this close to the Oscars, if only for a decent kill-scene or boobs or something.

As the holidays draw nigh, I find myself behaving strangely, doing things I would never do under normal circumstances. I wander into malls voluntarily, and not to defend myself from the upcoming zombie holocaust. This past weekend, as I was waiting in line with an armload of crap, I imagined that the fat woman in front of me hauling off on her kid had suddenly dissolved into a pile of steaming goo. Naturally this cheered me up plenty, but it also served to remind me that thanks to the following movies I had a fairly wide frame of reference to draw from.

10 – The Incredible Melting Man  An astronaut returns to earth, starts to crave human flesh, and umm… melts and stuff. Aside from some pretty decent low-budget effects from Rick Baker, this one moves along about as slowly as its anti-hero. The guys at MST3K centered an episode around it once – worth a look and a laugh if you can find it.

Top 10 Horror Movie Meltdowns

9 – The Stuff    Larry Cohen has a masterful way of straddling the line between comedy and horror, and this 80′s paean to cocaine and commercialism is one of his best. The story revolves around an ice cream syndicate that hires an industrial spy to investigate the source of a new product that threatens to topple its long-standing confectionary stronghold (seriously). Plenty of clever nods to Invaders From Mars, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and The Blob, as well as a riotous performance from Garrett Morris as a guy named Chocolate Chip Charlie.

Top 10 Horror Movie Meltdowns

8 – Hollow Man    I threw this one in because even though nobody technically melts, they kind of look like they are. The scene where they restore the ape to its former visible state is totally batshit. Plus, Rhona Mitra gets naked a few times.

Top 10 Horror Movie Meltdowns

7 – Fright Night    Notably missing from the 2011 remake was Billy Cole; Jerry’s ghoul, or daywatcher or whatever you want to call him. Anyway, in the original version, he got staked through the heart and turned into a bunch of sawdust and green slime, and then he fell down the stairs.

Top 10 Horror Movie Meltdowns

6 – Robocop    Apparently in the future, all of the organized crime in Detroit has been taken over by a group of violent, skinny middle-aged white guys with male pattern baldness. My theory is that Sy Sperling masterminded the decades-long feud between Bloods and Crips, and his Hair Club For Men struck the death-blow when both gangs were at their weakest. In all seriousness though, the scene where Paul McCrane gets a toxic waste bath before a truck splatters him like an overstuffed bratwurst is pretty awesome, and the first Fangoria I ever bought ran a piece on this movie.

Top 10 Horror Movie Meltdowns

5 – Cabin Fever  One of the kids from that “Boy Meets World” show runs afoul of a flesh eating virus. Flesh eating virus wins.

Top 10 Horror Movie Meltdowns

4 – The Blob    It mystifies me that this movie does not get more love. Shadowy government agents (Are there any other type?) develop a mutant space-protozoa and then crash-land it into a small town. Mayhem ensues. This, along with John Carpenter’s The Thing, are those rarest of remakes that manage to eclipse the original film. And on that note…

Top 10 Horror Movie Meltdowns

3 -The Thing     “I thought you’d feel that way, Gary. You were the only one who coulda got to that blood… We’ll do you last.” One of the best horror movies ever made, and a fairly compelling  reason to stay the fuck away from Anarctica.

Top 10 Horror Movie Meltdowns

2 – Hellraiser  Clive Barker’s directorial debut just about had it all - interdimensional sadomasochists, guided meathook missiles, a demonaic hobodragon, clawhammering and cougartits. That’s right, I said clawhammering. Plus it had some guy named Frank, who after rising from the dead in a reverse meltdown, could suck the life-juice out of people by jamming his fingers under their skin somehow. Oh yeah, and a dead guy vomited maggots on somebody.

Top 10 Horror Movie Meltdowns

 

(Cue drum roll…)

1 – Street Trash  The “Citizen Kane” of people dissolving into brightly colored piles of shit. In it, a liquor store owner starts selling bottles of something called “Tenafly Viper” to the local hobo population. They melt, in real time and slow-motion. A couple of people explode, and one guy gets flushed down a toilet. I think that’s supposed to be subtext, but who knows.

Top 10 Horror Movie Meltdowns

All kidding aside, there’s a special place in my black little heart for each one of these movies. They induce some scares, and some cringes and more than a few laughs. If you haven’t checked one of them out yet, give it a try. Then the next time you’re stuck in a waiting room somewhere, you can play the “Melting Patient” visualization game, too. Cheers.

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29 Comments

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      1. Francis Penney January 2, 2012 at 11:28 pm

        No Evil Dead!?!?

        • Jacj January 25, 2014 at 2:15 am

          It may not be horror but Raiders of the Lost.Ark is.hard to.beat!

      2. Pablo Lugoshi January 3, 2012 at 9:59 am

        where Body Melt ?

      3. Will Lench January 3, 2012 at 3:47 pm

        There is also a great face melting acid scene in ‘The Beyond’….great list though.

        • Jacj January 25, 2014 at 2:17 am

          It may not be a horror flick but Raider’s of the Lost Ark is a classic melter!

      4. Cathy Penney January 25, 2014 at 2:05 am

        Loved The Stuff….lol

      5. Jason Boyd January 25, 2014 at 2:19 am

        Just watched The Blob a few days ago.

      6. Diego Dietrich Apone January 25, 2014 at 2:25 am

        haz visto esta movie Cindy Esquivel

      7. Michael Mortimer January 25, 2014 at 2:28 am

        the blob i loved that old school movie

      8. Justin Evans January 25, 2014 at 2:41 am

        The Blob

      9. Jim Laca January 25, 2014 at 2:50 am

        First movie I thought of was Fright Night.

      10. Randy McKenzie January 25, 2014 at 3:14 am

        The H Man fits the bill

      11. Jeff Stew January 25, 2014 at 3:38 am

        KYP Kill Yourself Productionz

      12. Jarrod Smith January 25, 2014 at 3:39 am

        The 87 remake of blob Nd beware the blob in the early 80s scared the living crap out of me. Still have nightmares cause of those damn movies.

      13. Azrael Celestine January 25, 2014 at 3:45 am

        Anyone recall the movie The Incredible Melting Man?

      14. Vinicius Rodrigues Meireles January 25, 2014 at 3:58 am

        a bolha classico muito bom!!!!!!

      15. Nick Hannah January 25, 2014 at 4:58 am

        THE BLOB!!!!!!!!!!

      16. Shane Vain Brown January 25, 2014 at 7:07 am

        I want this is it available on dvd guys and ghouls ?

      17. Jeroen Tony January 25, 2014 at 9:22 am

        Return to Nuke ‘Em High Volume 1 has one of the greatest melting scenes, great new Troma flick!

      18. Marcel DeLancy January 25, 2014 at 12:05 pm

        You know whats even funnier I own all but two of these movies!! Good times

      19. Robert January 25, 2014 at 1:54 pm

        “The Thing” & “The Blob” are absolute classics. “The Stuff” needs far more attention than it gets. It gets more relevant with age. And I love the line about Mo Rutherford “You know why my friends call me Mo? because everytime they give me something I always want mo’ “

      20. Erik Ehrmentrout January 25, 2014 at 1:55 pm

        STREET TRASH!!!

      21. Sean O'Donnell January 25, 2014 at 2:58 pm

        Now this list rocks. Street Trash !!!!

      22. David McGlumphy January 25, 2014 at 3:33 pm

        What about Tarman from Return of the Living Dead he is all melted and about to fall apart with one wrong move.

      23. Dinnah Gibson January 25, 2014 at 4:32 pm

        My favorite movie!!!

      24. Astrid Pents January 25, 2014 at 6:24 pm

        SUUPER KIKKEN GAAF

      25. Gabriele Bazurro January 25, 2014 at 7:33 pm

        Bellissimo! Blob il fluido che uccide!

      26. Brentford Stu January 25, 2014 at 11:10 pm

        got 2 b street trash.