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2-Headed Shark Attack Review

Carrion 1 Comment

2 Headed Shark Attack Review1 body, 2 heads and 6,000 teeth. This is what the DVD cover promised. I was eager to see what kind of mayhem a 2 headed shark can deliver. A group of nautical students on board the “Sea King” are preparing for their upcoming exams. We have the usual suspects; the teacher, a geek, a self absorbed jock and the tom-boy girl. The boat gets disabled by the shark, forcing the entire crew to a close, but un-inhabited island. From the relative safety of the island, they set about planning repairs to the ship. They are all unaware that they are being stalked by a monster great white shark with two heads.

Right at the beginning of the movie, two girls are attacked while wake boarding. Driving the boat, naturally, are guys who are drinking beer and hollering. The monster shark pops out of the water, each head tearing into one of the girls. Hmmm. Cheesy CG is not a good way to start this off. As the movie progresses, the dialogue and the acting become near intolerable.

Everything that’s said is just insipid and vacuous. Even Professor Babish isn’t safe from silly and boring dialogue. When they first get to the island, they come across a large hole about twelve feet across. Babish wonders aloud if perhaps it’s a post hole for some structure. Seriously Babish? Post holes aren’t dug the size of a Mini Cooper.

This movie is an absolute mess. There are continuity errors galore. The editing is barbaric and is incredibly choppy. The movie’s sense of logic is fundamentally flawed. The shark can flip boats, but can’t break through a crumbling wooden shack. The size of the shark varies. The shark’s speed is frequently at odds. There are weird plot lines, like searching for scrap metal, presumably for parts to fix the boat. Does that make sense? Do you think you’ll find scrap metal on a deserted island? I guess it makes about as much sense as a two headed shark. The pinnacle of ridiculousness are the attack scenes. The shark is so terribly fake looking, so the director (Christopher Ray) uses a series of jump cuts throughout the scene so we don’t linger too long on the plastic looking sharks. When I was watching the earthquake scenes, I was reminded of the 60s TV show Star Trek and how the crew reacted when the ship was being attacked. Everybody flung themselves around while someone shook the hell out of the camera.

Is there anything positive? Sure. All the girls are dressed in bikinis for the whole movie. A threesome featuring 2 topless girls was starting to take shape before the shark rolled in and spoiled it. Can this massive fish really attack in waist deep water? Just one more issue to add to the pile.

I knew what I was getting into when I rented this movie. I knew it was going to be cheesy. I was hoping it was going to be a good cheesy like Dinoshark or Sharktopus; a movie that knows its limitations and carries on with a bit of tongue in cheek. This movie tries to take itself too seriously when it really shouldn’t. It’s pointless and the actors do a terrible job selling any of the dialogue.
I’d rather turn myself into chum than sit through this nightmare again. As shark movies go, this one bites. So, avoid the mistake I made. Don’t rent this movie.

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1 Comment

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      1. Kevin Bachelder March 6, 2012 at 7:19 pm

        > This movie is an absolute mess.

        Can’t argue with you there.  :)

        While it’s not up to ‘Dinoshark’ or ‘Sharktopus’ standards, scary statement there, I think it’s still bad enough to almost be good.  Certainly more fun when watching with friends. 

        There is a worse shark movie on the horizon. ‘Sand Sharks’ is coming to Syfy this summer. I’ve seen it and man is it bad. :(