In the crazy health and safety world that we live in today, I’m actually surprised that such devices don’t come with a warning like, “This appliance may be prone to demonic possession, so try not to piss it off”. But really, how likely is it that your clock, piano or even refrigerator will go a bit mental and try to devour you? Well, its a little more common than you thought if these films below are anything to go by.
So here we have some of my favorite killer appliances/inanimate objects below, this doesn’t mean that some of the films are any good, its just these objects are freakin’ badass, so respect them, otherwise you may find yourself waking up to a killer refrigerator. So read on, but beware of spoilers if you haven’t seen some of these films.
Killer object? A Tire.
I’m going to be starting things off with a much more recent film, this go-around its Quentin Dupieux’s Rubber. If you were to think of a killer tire you’d think it would go around rolling people over and not really doing much damage. But, Dupieux has other ideas indeed, not only does the tire have a name (Robert), but the murderous tire has telepathic powers, and with this it goes around blowing up your head, think Scanners, only with a demented tire that has the hots for a beautiful babe.
Yep, so next time you’re changing that tire, just make sure you don’t rub it the wrong way it may just blow up your head.
Torture Garden 1967
Killer object? A Piano.
I’m going back in time a bit here with a little Amicus Production flick known as Torture Garden. Despite the title of the film, Torture Garden is an anthology flick and doesn’t feature any deadly garden tools, but, one story certainly has top of honors for being ‘out there’.
Here we have the tale of Mr. Steinway, a possessed piano who also has a name and this one likes to be called ‘Euterpe’. Now, Euterpe gets a little jealous you see, so what does it do? It does what any scorn piano would, it takes freakin’ revenge! So just be wary the next time you hit the wrong note….
The Mangler (1995)
Killer object? A five-ton steam iron & folder.
Look. This is an industrial sized machine. Accidents are going to happen and will happen. So what puts this one over the edge? Well, the machine is owned by the crazed Bill Gartley (played by Robert Englund), and when the machine gets a taste for blood that’s it, there is no stopping this sucker. Okay, granted, to be mauled, eaten or basically fucked up, you needed to either put your arm in or accidentally trip, so it is limited in its killing power.
But, if you’re stupid enough to be fooling around with a five-ton machine, you deserve to die. With that being said, I love The Mangler.
Mirror, Mirror (1990)
Object? A boat, nah I’m pulling your chain, of course its a mirror.
Now I was torn here. There are so many horror films that have some kind of demonic mirror, but I just had to choose Marina Sargenti’s Mirror, Mirror. I mean, not only is this mirror possessed by some kind of demonic force, but it also grants special powers, but at a cost. C’mon, there is always a cost, nothing and I mean nothing is free these days, not even special powers.
In any event, the mirror soon takes over and people die. Evidently, the film spawned three sequels, so the next time when you think you seen something in the mirror, besides yourself, it may just be that demonic little witch.
The Refrigerator (1991)
Object? A Fridge.
I’m going to be honest. I haven’t been very kind to my fridge. I keep all kinds of junk it that thing, sometimes stuff stays in there a little too long. So granted, if I was my fridge, I’d want to kill me too. So here we have Nicholas Jacobs’ killer fridge flick which has a pretty awesome tagline, “No survivors. Only Leftovers).
So yeah, the film follows a killer fridge which is actually from hell, and the devil controls it. And how do we know this? Well, a plumber has a look a at the little sucker and confirms that indeed it is from hell. I wish my plumbers were as honest as this one. In any event the fridge goes mental and also brings in other kitchen appliances to join the massacre. If you can find this hidden gem, go check it out.
Maximum Overdrive (1986)
Object? A Soda machine.
I’m just going to get this out there, I absolutely love this movie! Is it cheesy? Damn right, are there too many women with crazy mullets? Yep, too many to count actually, but its just a fun movie. So what’s in-store for us? Well, basically every single electrical appliance goes a little mental after a rogue-comet passes by.
The film is full with all kinds of murderous equipment, but my favorite has to be the soda machine. I mean, obviously this machine has been treated bad in some way. So when this sucker comes to life it goes for the family jewels at like 60MPH. This sucker is pissed and it wants you to know. So the next time you get a soda, you may want to step to the side before you get a projectile can to the groin.
So there you have it, six deadly objects in horror films. Of course this is just a small fraction of the films out there, so comment below with some that I may have missed and lets here which objects you’d like to see come alive in horror films?