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More Crawl than Creep: Spiders 3D (2013) Movie Review

Matt-suzaka 7 Comments
More Crawl than Creep: Spiders 3D (2013) Movie ReviewA Russian satellite crash lands in New York City and causes a minor level of chaos for the city, but not nearly as much as what was on the satellite: a mutant breed of super spider. These spiders start small in terms of physical appearance and location, as they begin by taking over the subways then, eventually, they move on to bigger and better things, like the city itself. All the while, as the spiders begin to overtake the city, they are also continuously growing in size, resulting in an all out war between the oversized spiders and the United State military.

The government/military plays the situation off as a plague to hide the fact that these super spiders are indeed intended to be a part of some sort of military weapons program. This stereotypical plot point is spearheaded by the stereotypical ego/power tripping military jerk, Col. Jenkins (William Hope), who will stop at nothing, whether it be kidnapping, lying and murder, to ensure their mission is not compromised. You know, the type of character that you simply know is going to get his just desserts at the eight legs of the spiders by the film’s end.

The first half of Spiders (not in) 3D is played off like a high tension thriller, focusing its sights on the exploits of the military and the film’s lead characters, Jason and Rachel (Patrick Muldoon and Christa Campbell), as they do whatever they can to prevent this super spider issue from becoming worse than it already has. Furthermore, both Jason and Rachel are trying to get their daughter back, who has been “quarantined” as a result of the military cover-up. While I appreciate the fact that the first half tries to build up the characters and give the viewer something to invest in, the end result is a pretty slow and dragged-out first half.

When watching a movie such as Spiders, one would assume, therefore expect, to see some serious spider action, and that is exactly what is lacking in the first act and a half of this film. As a result, the movie can be a little boring at times, relegating it to no more than background noise for smartphone use. With that being said, the second half of the film does pick up fairly well, which is the point when the spiders break free from the subways, attack the city, and an all-out war between these mutant spiders and the US military ensues.

Spiders was helmed by Tibor Takács, who is most notable for directing The Gate. Takács has an interestingly varied career in film and television, but he has been down similar roads as that of Spiders over the past few years with films like Ice Spiders, Mega Snake and Mansquito peppered into his résumé. Regardless of his mixed career, Takács’ is certainly a competent and experienced director, and this shows in Spiders.

While the film is lacking in terms of overall entertainment, it is well made and has a pretty decent level of production value considering the type of movie that it is. On the other hand, however, the film does feature some pretty bad CGI work. It’s certainly not the worst I‘ve seen, but the computer generated graphics seem to get worse as the film goes on and as the spiders grow in size.

What might hurt the film most is the fact that it takes itself too seriously, and as a result, and outside of a few moments, it’s not very fun, forklift chase scene or not. Spiders is certainly watchable and somewhat painless to sit through, but I’d prefer this type of film to simply be a little cheesier. A laugh is always better than indifference, if you ask me; even if that laugh comes from a place of embarrassment. Maybe seeing it in 3D would have been better?


2 / 5 stars     

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7 Comments

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      1. Super8rocks June 27, 2013 at 3:31 am

        The 3D didn’t help this movie at all. I saw it in 3D and wouldn’t even give it 1 star. One of the worst, and most boring, movies I’ve seen in years.

        • Matt-suzaka
          Matt-suzaka June 27, 2013 at 5:22 pm

          I was being sarcastic about the 3D, and I’m not surprised to hear it did nothing to help the movie. I’m not big on the 3D trend, at all, but if you use 3D in a movie like this, you should at least make sure the movie is fun first, otherwise it’s a waste of time.

      2. Charley F. Harmon June 27, 2013 at 6:13 am

        A small American town is quarantined by the military to prevent the spread of an extremely virulent contagion that induces madness and death. Made in between Romero’s Night and Dawn Of The Dead films, The Crazies is almost like a stepping stone that provides an insight into what might have happened when the zombie plague started to spread. Unfortunately zombies are a damn sight more interesting than people going a bit batshit and as a result, this very low budget B-movie struggles to make any impact at all. It bounces between behind the scenes of the put upon military and its scientists trying to find a cure, and a group of mildly annoying civilians trying to escape the quarantine zone which amounts to the film being 50% men in uniform shouting at each other and 50% people running around in the woods shooting guns. And that’s it. There are none of the clever analogies or subtexts (or plot for that matter) you find in the Dead series and it soon becomes extremely tiresome. It’s clearly an influential film, the opening scenes obviously inspiring those of the Dawn Of The Dead remake and the “fast zombie” format of modern horror was clearly born here but there’s just not enough to it to warrant an hour and three quarters of your time. The fact is, it’s just plain boring.

        • Matt-suzaka
          Matt-suzaka June 27, 2013 at 5:23 pm

          Hey Charley, I think you might have commented on the wrong post.

      3. Super8rocks June 27, 2013 at 8:20 pm

        Some movies, like Journey to the Center of the Earth, are enhanced 500% by the 3D. I’m a huge fan of 3D myself and always watch that version if there is one. Not all movies need it but I find the extra depth more enjoyable, in most cases, then the regular version.

        • Matt-suzaka
          Matt-suzaka June 28, 2013 at 11:26 pm

          Yeah, there’s definitely a place for 3D in movies, and all too often the wrong movies utilize and, worse yet, utilize it poorly with the post-converts.

      4. Drac October 26, 2013 at 11:07 pm

        Is this a re release i am sure i have seen this film before