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Review: Kevin Smith’s Yoga Hosers

Simon Rother

Kevin Smith’s directing work is adored by some; disliked by others. His newest film, “Yoga Hosers,” made its Canadian premiere at Montreal’s Fantasia Film Festival, and even though Kevin Smith was there in person and went on for about an hour before the screening of his movie in a very entertaining monologue, I was disappointed at how the movie was not so equally enjoyable.

Colleen M. (Harley Quinn Smith; Kevin Smith’s daughter) and Colleen C. (Lily-Rose Depp; Johnny Depp’s daughter) are inseparable best friends. Like typical teens of their generation, their cell phones are their entire lives and rolling their eyes at whatever their parents have to say is as regular as taking a breath. They’re not exactly enthusiastic about their part-time job at a convenience store (named “Eh-2-Zed”; how Canadian is that?), owned by Colleen C.’s dad, and are passionate about karaoke singing together. When one-foot-tall Nazis in the form of German sausages (named “Bratzis”) attempt to take over the store and destroy everything in its path, they must finally lift their hypnotized gaze from their phones to take matter into their own hands, with the help of detective Guy Lapointe (Johnny Depp).

Yoga Hosers

Heading into this movie, I didn’t have many expectations after having read the synopsis, although knowing it should be hilarious. I did, however, have expectations from a Kevin Smith movie, having enjoyed “Red State” (which was radically different than this, I know) and “Tusk” (which was actually the first in the trilogy of “Canadian horror” films of Kevin Smith). I was very disappointed with the storyline, the acting of half of the individuals in front of the camera, and the lack of laughter I experienced throughout the movie.

Don’t get me wrong: there ARE some funny instants. The fact that Kevin Smith went all-in on the caricature of Canada (ALL characters pronounce the words “about” and “out” by saying “aboot” and “oot”; maple syrup is the main display behind the two teens when they are working behind their counter; and, as mentioned above, the store’s name is “Eh-2-Zed”) and Johnny Depp is still fantastic in his role of French-Canadian detective, Guy Lapointe. I also liked the fact that it subtly tied in the “Tusk” storyline into this one, as the events of “Yoga Hosers” happens afterwards.

There are even some interesting roles and cameos from well-known celebrities: Justin Long (“Jeepers Creepers”; was also the main character in “Tusk” but is playing an entirely different character, here), Haley Joel Osmont (“The Sixth Sense”), Natasha Lyonne (“American Pie”; also starred in “Antibirth” which also screened at Fantasia), Harley Morenstein (Montreal-native, famous for his “Epic Meal Time” YouTube videos), Vanessa Paradis (singer and Johnny Depp’s wife), Sasheer Zamata (“Saturday Night Live” cast member) and Stan Lee (don’t really need to explain who he is…). Even Kevin Smith gave himself a little role, playing the “Bratzis”.

Yoga Hosers

Despite all of this, the movie fails to deliver, in my eyes. Before the viewing of the film, Kevin Smith mentioned, among numerous other anecdotes, that he really wanted to make a movie that he loved and wanted to see, and that it was targeted for tweens. He even, jokingly, kept on pointing out that it wasn’t all that great of a movie and that some people may leave the theater asking themselves why it was made. I took it all in good fun and actually started off the movie on a positive note, telling myself that it’s gonna be memorable and that if it’s half as funny as he is, I have nothing to be worried about.

Regrettably, I wasn’t all that entertained or impressed.

Therefore, it pains me to give a lower-than-expected grade to “Yoga Hosers” as I am a big fan of Kevin Smith. It really isn’t the “Wurst” movie ever made (see what I did there?), but it is far from being satisfying, deserving 2.5 stars out of 5.



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