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The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Herner Klenthur 53 Comments

The 32 Rules of ZombielandThe new Zombieland TV Series just premiered on Amazon Prime for FREE and for the most part I enjoyed it. I think that the series will definitely find an audience if they play their cards right and don’t skimp on the production because episode 1 may not have been perfect but it was 30 minutes of unique zombie themed entertainment.

If you have not already you can read Halloweenie’s review of the ZombieLand TV series where you will also read what our community thinks of the series. Lets be honest what we think is only one small part of the equation as to whether  a movie or TV show  is worth watching

As you die-hard fans know Zombieland has 32 rules ( 33 if you just watched the show ) and we figured it would be fun to list the rules of ZombieLand that we know and fill in the blanks for the ones we can not remember.  With the help of our readers we have a pretty solid list but right now we are missing a few rules which you can help fill in below in the comments.

The rules we are missing are 11,12,13,14,16,25,26,27,28,29,30

The real zombieland rules are in ITALIC. Our community generated rules are not. As we get more of the official rules and update rule suggestions from our readers this list will be updated!

The 32 Rules of Zombieland Begin’s Now!

Rule 1: Cardio: This one comes up in Zombieland and clearly makes a lot of sense. How many fat people do you see at the end of the world when its zombies doing the ending? I better hit the gym or I am screwed because I am far from an athlete now! 

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 2: Beware of Bathrooms: Any good apocalyptic zombie survivor should know better than going into a bathroom, small closet or any other small room with one way in or out.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 3: Seatbelts: It’s a safe bet unless you’re a complete idiot ( see rule #7 ) you’re not going to travel  on foot in a zombie outbreak. So when travelling on four wheels wear your seat belt. Nothing worse than finding yourself ejected out of your car into the loving and oh so hungry arms of zombies.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 4: Doubletap: Carrying a gun is a great idea but it should never be your primary weapon. When you do end up using it for that last-minute ‘oh shit’ moment remember to double tap.  If your attacked by zobmies why skimp? One bullet more in the head will go a long way to ensuring your survival.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 5: No Attachments: This is a tough one but you can not have attachments. If you have kids or a wife your less likely to survive then the gal or guy who has no attachments and nothing slowing him or her down. Attachments lead to bonehead decisions like ‘going back into the room’ or ‘nobody gets left behind’.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 6: Travel in a Group: The best way to increase your odds of survival when travelling in a zombie outbreak is to make sure you’re a traveling buffet. Going it alone gives the zombies no choices but to eat you. Going it with the old man with the limp, the little kid who can’t run and the middle-aged woman with the bum leg gives the zombies more options and you better odds.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 7: Keep the Morons Close at Hand: One of the most sure-fire ways of making sure you survive is keeping the less intelligent as close at hand as possible. When you find somebody who asks you ‘Whats going on? What Happened? Those are the ones you want with you. That way when the zombies come they are likely to stupid to realize its not Amway calling and run.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 8: Kill with Efficiency: It’s not about pretty its about efficiency. A lot of folks run for the gun cabinet but the truly savvy go looking for the most blunt and effective way to destroy the brain. That is anything from a baseball bat… to a toilet lid! Kill with Efficiency… don’t use weapons that need something else ( like bullets ) to work. Use weapons you can swing over and over and over since you don’t tend to run into one zombie at a time.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 9: Guns Are for Hunting, Not for Zombie Killing: This one is simple. Guns need bullets. When your running who has time to stop for bullets? Keeping a shotgun with buckshot on hand is important but only when your pinned in and need a quick getaway. It’s not a proper means for killing zombies as guns run out of ammo and need reloading. Remember a Cricket Bat, or Toilet Lid do not need loading!

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 10: Be Quiet: It’s the end of the world so try to avoid squealing like a 4th grade school girl and perhaps invest in some good sneakers. Nobody said you have to kill all the zombies and there is certainly no shame in sneaking around and surviving versus tearing around like a madman and ending up being an undead happy meal.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 15: Know Your Way out! Nothing worse than a poorly planned escape. If you are going to be a hero it’s always a good idea to plan ahead and as the rule states.. know your way out.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 17: Don’t Be a Hero: The hot chick who want to give you some sugar is not worth being eaten alive. So when the going gets rough hot chick or not its time to flee. In the land of the zombies there is no making a stand and no point in ending up a brave zombie. Better to be a coward that is alive .

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 18: Limber Up: When fighting a zombie or running from zombies it’s not a great time to be pulling a muscle or throwing your back out. So limbering up is a must. Stretch it out a little.. it may save your life.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 19: Blend in: Much as Shaun did in Shaun of the Dead its important to blend in. When is the last time you saw a zombie try to eat another zombie? Not easily done but with the right odor and smearing of bodily fluids on your face and body it can happen.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 20: Find The Right Shelter: Shelter is key to survival but you should ask yourself why does the shelter needs to be a house or building. For me a motor home or large all terrain vehicle that seats a half-dozen would do nicely. Plus when zombies arrive in your neighbourhood there is no last-minute scramble to pack and leave. Just put it in drive and roll!

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 21: Zombies can’t Climb. Much like you have never seen a zombie eat another zombie when’s the last time you saw  a zombie climb a wall? Well other than the debacle that was the remake of Day of the Dead which had SpiderMan zombies but lets just pretend that movie never happened. Zombies can not climb so get to high ground when you are not moving.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 22: Be ruthless: Much like the rule of having no attachments being ruthless is key. When your bride turns into the undead, reach for the lid to the toilet and be ruthless. The weak and compassionate will not survive in the world of the undead.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 23: God Bless Rednecks: Rednecks are stereotyped as loud, brash, well armed and ready to kick ass. So when a redneck shows up in your group I say its the best news yet. Sure ‘rednecks’ can attract zombies with their gunplay and brash carrying on but they also are well armed and have big balls. Best of all they are good bait for you to make your exit while they are busy with the gunplay and making a mess of the zombies.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 24: No Drinking. This one should be pretty obvious. Escaping zombies is tough enough as it is how well do you think you will do after downing a couple of shots of Jack Daniels? Drinking is not a good survival tactic in Zombieland.

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 31: Check the Back Seat. I can’t tell you how many times somebody has met their end or in this case been eaten because they are just not smart enough to check the back seat. Always check the back seat friends. Always!

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

Rule 32: Enjoy the Little Things: It’s the end of the world. Dont sweat the small stuff. Loot a neighbourhood or two, trash a car, speed, run some red lights! Do the little things and enjoy them. Who knows how long you have to live!

The 32 Rules of Zombieland

 What other key rules does civilization need to abide by to survive in a land filled with zombies? Leave your Zombieland Survival rules in the comments and we will keep adding official ones, and good ones from you our readers.

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53 Comments

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      1. Matt McIntyre April 21, 2013 at 3:54 pm

        “Volunteer to carry the kid” That way should the Zombie’s corner you, you can hand off the “Happy Meal” and get away.

        • Herner Klenthur
          Herner Klenthur April 21, 2013 at 4:04 pm

          Hahah evil but valid suggestion :)

        • Lukie April 24, 2013 at 12:55 am

          :< thats horrible..

        • need more rules. May 23, 2013 at 7:43 pm

          LOL thats SO wrong and funny.

        • boygonegamer May 24, 2013 at 1:51 pm

          always travel with people that are usefull to u eg doctor,soldier

        • thomasstonebraker March 20, 2014 at 12:59 am

          hehehe… good one. note how this could also impair your own ability to run, take a shot at it, and turn around and take a swing with a blunt weapon. not to mention if you’re getting mobbed by a huge hoard, one little kid isn’t going to distract 30+ zombies. good strategy for 3+ but no more than 10 followers. also, if you’re running in a group and there’s this really annoying kid you hate, be ruthless and shoot him in the knee for the same effect.

      2. Onslaught April 22, 2013 at 5:14 pm

        From ‘Zombieland: The Series’ – Rule 33: Keep hope alive.

      3. marvin evangfelio April 24, 2013 at 9:34 am

        What happened to rule 25 to 30? It’s pretty interesting! NICE!!!!

        • Anonymous June 15, 2013 at 2:08 am

          It says at the top

          “The rules we are missing are 11,12,13,14,16,25,26,27,28,29,30″
          ;)

      4. cartoon April 27, 2013 at 2:47 am

        Double tap is rule 2

      5. Evelyn May 2, 2013 at 11:38 pm

        I just wanna leave my survival plan, sense I’m in New York City, I could just head to the Empire State building and live on the top, right down the road is a Wal-Mart and Shaws so I would have plenty of food for a while. Plus only way up is the elevator :P

        • boygonegamer May 24, 2013 at 1:53 pm

          wat if they break break in through the first floor u have no escaape from the building

        • Anonymous June 15, 2013 at 2:00 am

          And what’s your plan for when someone else thinks of going to that spot and there all friendly and everything but you didn’t realise that they had been bitten and then they turn and eat you. It would have been a really good idea if that above wasn’t a possibility but unfortunately it is so you might want to re-think that plan ;)

        • thomasstonebraker March 20, 2014 at 1:12 am

          you might want to think about alternate transportation like possibly a small repackable parachute or a zipline from a lower level. also, did you think that just maybe you might be seen and followed and one might bump into the button and a pile will fall in, randomly hit ANOTHER button that just so happens to be the floor YOU’RE on and give you a nasty suprise with no escape.

      6. Travis May 7, 2013 at 6:41 pm

        Reload? Swords don’t need reloads!

        • Anonymous June 15, 2013 at 1:53 am

          Swords would hurt if you tripped and landed on it too so stick to the blunt objects ;)

      7. Zechariah May 10, 2013 at 12:58 am

        rule 37 four legged….. our four legged friends are faster and more agile than the standard zombie. keep them around as a distraction for the zombies…you might just both get away…

        • Anonymous June 15, 2013 at 1:54 am

          A dog would also bark and attract Zombies, soo maybe not ;)

      8. derek May 29, 2013 at 12:55 am

        rule NO.11 LIGHT VS MIGHT
        take a flashlight over

      9. Dionne June 13, 2013 at 11:58 am

        Zombieland: the series:
        Rule #19 Ziploc bags

      10. Anonymous June 15, 2013 at 1:52 am

        flash lights, cars, guns, running, climbing and everything else in between. No one can give anyone any rules because no one knows what it would really be like in a zombie apocalypse, you don’t know if they can run, walk or drag there selves around, you don’t know if they can climb or not. There is a few things that you can be certain about,

        1: don’t use cars, guns, bikes or anything that makes a loud noise as the zombies would hear it and come after you although a gun isn’t so bad if you have a suppressor on it

        2: If you’re zombie mad and that ass-hole that bullied you back in school isn’t, you’re more likely to know what to do if there was a zombie apocalypse so he’ll need help, tell him you’ll help, keep him in your group, then when you’re in a tight spot push him to the zombie, it seems like a mean thing to be but hey, he bullied you in school so who cares

        3: DO get attached, if there’s a girl you love and you don’t want anything to happen to her that means you have something to live for, if you have nothing to live you’ll feel that there’s nothing to live for and you could end up doing something stupid and could end up being just another meal for the un-dead

        4: Buy a Zombie Survival Handbook, it may seem silly but there is a lot of useful things in those books

        5: Expect anything and everything, are they fast or slow, are they smart or as dumb as a sack of potatoes. With all these Zombie movies and stories we don’t know what Zombies would actually be like

        So have fun guys and WHEN it happens, stay safe out in the world of the Un-Dead

      11. Rios June 21, 2013 at 5:39 pm

        “Rule 21: Zombies can’t Climb”….They climbed the tower at pacific playland!!!!

        • Dana June 22, 2013 at 5:58 am

          Touche’

        • thomasstonebraker March 20, 2014 at 1:32 am

          right!?! chain link fences; those things make good enough hand/footholds i learned to climb the 6-footer surrounding my backyard at the age of 3. i’m pretty sure if a 3-year-old can do it, a zombie can. as far as sheer walls, cliffs, etc., no, they can’t climb those. be careful of the world war z types though that can pile up to get you.

      12. Survivor July 1, 2013 at 6:57 pm

        Rule 33: DON’T TRUST THE MILITARY …….. EVER…… Just steal their guns when they are all dead :) !!!

      13. Survivor July 1, 2013 at 7:06 pm

        gun goes bang!,bang!,bang!,bang!,bang!, click! …. hmmm no sweat! now you have a bat problem solved. Or better yet a bow / crossbow … you can be quiet and get kills of fast and get your ammo back and it still makes a good smashing stick ( if you aren’t using a wooden real bow like a long bow but the commercial composite bows)

      14. mjane420 July 23, 2013 at 8:19 pm

        rule 19 blend took it from the walking dead cut off the arms so they cant grab you get rid of the jaw and teeth so they cant bite you now you got your own personal zombie body guards

      15. Zombiesurvivor555555 July 29, 2013 at 3:48 am

        Ok. You should carry a backpack with weapons and some food. Get on a high roof. Kill as much zombies as you can and find the seek refuge. I would find a partner and a bait person. I would put on makeup and stuff to make me look like a zombie. Zombies dont mess with other zombies. Right? I would also make a video diary.

        • thomasstonebraker March 20, 2014 at 1:39 am

          only criticism; your video diary’s gonna have an end date of ‘when the battery died’, unless you can make a solar charger for it which would be cool.

      16. hunter August 8, 2013 at 1:29 pm

        the most important rule yet keep calm if your around a zombie, attack it like hell, but don’t lose your nerve, that’s when you become reckless

      17. FP August 24, 2013 at 4:26 am

        Rule 34: Necrophilia is bad under normal circumstances, but worse when the corpse in question is trying to eat your brains.

      18. mew4ever23 September 26, 2013 at 1:17 pm

        Rule 35: Condoms. Bringing a baby into an undead world is a big decision. Pregnant women have less mobility, which only gets worse when the baby is born, and that’s if they survive the birth.

        • Ivan Rodriguez March 11, 2014 at 12:37 am

          I actually have a condom in my survival kit as well as knives needle and thread matches lighter safety pin and things to make a bandage with.
          -THE IMPACT

      19. Brie Hinkls October 3, 2013 at 3:13 am

        To Mew4ever23. I agree,not to mention that Zombies are probably also attracted to the scent of fresh blood so the birthing of a child will bring on the uglies in no time.

      20. heather anderson October 23, 2013 at 4:19 pm

        zombies are not your only threat. lets not forget about the survivors whom still have fully functional brains and can use them.

        • thomasstonebraker March 20, 2014 at 1:42 am

          agreed very knowledgeable person. we should chat sometime my friend.

      21. dwoothy November 21, 2013 at 9:49 pm

        My rule: Look around and hearken! Typical death when the character turns around unsuspectingly and in the next moment he finds a zombie’s face just in froint of his own. First look around than turn…

        • thomasstonebraker March 20, 2014 at 1:44 am

          hehehehehehe. that’s not a problem. who do think invented the phrase ‘stop breathing down my neck’? i don’t know either because that guy died! hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      22. DarylDixon13 November 23, 2013 at 3:48 am

        Keep moving: “Camping” in a single spot, unless its a big area, could be bad. You might get too comfy and nod off. Next thing you know, you’re cravin brains and human flesh. Also, don’t overload backpack/suitcase with supplies. More stuff=slower running. Stay close to food supply stores and anywhere with possible weapons i.e. Gun shops (Cabella’s, fin feather fur, sportsman’s den), sports stores, and small outlet malls (some have knives and sledgehammers).

      23. Lil November 23, 2013 at 7:22 am

        You dumb people! You guys need to know one of the most needed resources, antibiotics. Yes you might survive the zombies and other things but, if you get a tiny scratch and its been like a year since you took your last antibiotics, say good by to your life.

        • niki July 2, 2014 at 3:41 am

          People we worrie bout tjat shit everyday lol thrre zombies not sientist who come and take everything we need to survive god made this land amd man made medication from this land so use your Head should be the Only rule!!!! survive need no rules just survive!!!!

      24. chris December 6, 2013 at 10:18 pm

        dumb asses you forgot the most important rule of all “NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT A POCKET KNIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

        • thomasstonebraker March 20, 2014 at 2:06 am

          HALLA FREAKIN’ LUJA!!!!!! finally someone else out there gets it!!!! never leave home without mine. i even manage to keep it hidden in my jeans pocket(good ol’ mer’ca fer ya) at school. i wear my jeans to bed so no one can take it away from me if it’s in my pocket, i set it on the soap tray in the shower in case of suprises, it’s even in my pocket right now. never, EVER let it out of sight. if worst comes to worst, blade for backstabbing and slicing and even worse than that, hand-to-hand combat you can fold it up, grip it in a fist, and use it as extra weight and force for a good skull-shattering punch to the head.

      25. reitanna January 7, 2014 at 8:23 pm

        this most likely has been said a lot, but rule 2 is double tap, not 4.

      26. loreley12 February 26, 2014 at 11:27 pm

        1.skinny gum gloves! If you have any contact with zombies, the virus may land on your hands. You eat something and become a zombie as well. Change them frequently. 2.Don’t stay in big cities, rather stay in small places or on the countryside in your car, where it should be safe. 3. Do not walk around in the dark! 4. Stay armed, fire guns are a must, since they are effective and eliminate several enemies in a matter of seconds. 5. Don’t overuse your fire guns. You can never know, how long your bullets will last. 6. Try to find a partner! I guess many zombies are night active and you need to sleep once in a while. 7. Be careful with torches! They light up the dark, but the enemy can track you down easily, due to their light. 8. Dont forget your radio! its improbable, but there might be defense bases, so just in case, stay informed. 9. Check out your surroundings. Its a massive advantage, when you have to flee suddenly. 10. Carry as much fuel as you can in the back of your car. Each stop could become your last.

      27. Ivan Rodriguez March 11, 2014 at 12:50 am

        My rules 1. fight fire with fire. No I don’t mean eat the zombies but be as reckless and as hellish as need be. 2. Have a goal. Without a goal you will end up dead in a matter of weeks. 3. Make the first move. Don’t wait for the zombies to come to you. Make the first move and kill them before they turn you into one of them.
        -THE IMPACT

      28. andrew March 25, 2014 at 10:48 pm

        doubletap is rule 2

      29. mick May 20, 2014 at 7:46 pm

        Another rule that is never said in movies is stay away from populated areas more people means more zombies only go to populated areas for resources e.g. food,water

      30. Survivor#1 May 31, 2014 at 10:00 pm

        No one ever seems to remember this rule. Never eat the contaminated cheeseburger it is the highway to zombiehood.

        • niki July 2, 2014 at 3:35 am

          I live on farm feed and take carw own cows know excatly whdft they eat amd drink. ….. we do our own around here lol clean un poisoned meat … truthfully the world needs a new start.

      31. Nikki O. June 10, 2014 at 10:57 pm

        #7 is actually “travel light”, straight from the movie.

        • niki July 2, 2014 at 3:32 am

          I would have c4 dynamite …. lil explosions ….. trap zombies and then Boom……. why not at that point nothing else matters!