Horror Movies Forum - What are your favorite quotes of all time?

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (LoudLon) — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 23:41:50 +0000

"You see those TV shows where they catch a fish and then let it go? They don't want to eat the fish, but they do want to make it late for something. 'Where were you?' 'I got caught.' 'Liar. Let me see the inside of your lip'."

"Dogs are forever in the push-up position."

"Advil has a candy coating. It is delicious. But it says right there on the bottle, 'Do not have more than two. ' Well then do not put a candy coating around it, for I cannot help myself. 'Let me have ten advil. I have a sweet tooth'."

"I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced on whether or not I have bread."

"I used to use drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."

"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."

"I think Big Foot is blurry. That's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Big Foot is blurry and that's extra scary to me, because there's a large out-of-focus monster roaming the country side."

"I had this one guy sent me a picture of himself, and said, 'This is a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture is a picture of you when you were younger."

"I think a rotisserie is a really morbid ferris wheel for chickens. It's a very scary piece of machinery. We will take the chicken, impale it and then rotate it. And I'll be damned if I'm not hungry, because spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water."

"You go to the grocery store and you stand in front of the lunch meat section and you start to get pissed off at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey pastrami, turkey bologna. Someone needs to tell the turkeys, 'Man, just be yourself'."

"I had an apartment in Los Angeles and I had a neighbor and whenever he knocked on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down. And that made me angry because I like loud music. So he'd knock on the wall and I'd mess with his head. I'd say, 'Go around. I cannot open the wall. I don't know if you have a doorknob on the other side, but over here there's nothing.

"I like t-shirts, but I can only wear V-necks. Because my neck is very fragile, I cannot wear a regular neck t-shirt, it hurts. And I especially hate turtle necks. Because wearing turtle necks is like getting strangled by a very weak guy. Like if you wear a v-neck and a back-pack, it's like a weak midget trying to bring you down."

You know when you go to some restaurants they put you on a waiting list. And then when it's your turn they call you. 'Dufresne, party of two.' And if you don't answer they call the next people on the list, 'Bush, party of three.' Yeah, but what happened to the Dufresne's? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing!"

-- all courtesy of the late, great Mitch Hedberg.

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (askani-son) — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 23:41:36 +0000

"Try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot." Dante, Clerks

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (CaptHowdy79) — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 20:46:42 +0000

“Here's a confession: I’m in love with a man. What? I’m in love with a man ... a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha.”
“Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on little jobbies?!”
“Cannibalism? Racism? Dude, that’s not for us ... those decisions are better left to the suits in Washington. We’re just here to eat some dude!”
"This is america you can't just come in here and still our land away from us."
-Charlie Kelly, it's always sunny in Philadelphia

" I always tell the truth. Even when I lie."
"What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way!"
"You wanna fuck with me? Okay. You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend!"
-Tony Montana

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (MistressOf Horror) — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 20:41:30 +0000

" I have crossed oceans of time to find you " Bram Stokers Dracula

"Mother fucker! Are you out of your damn mind? " - Blade

"You've got a pretty mouth"- Tallahasse, Zombieland

"Boy, I bet you'd stick your head in fire if I told ya you could see Hell. Meanwhile, you're too stupid to realize you got a demon stickin' out your ass singing, "Holy Miss Moley,"" --Otis , House of 1000 Corpses

"One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damn vampires"- Grandpa, The Lost Boys

"Abashed the Devil stood and felt how awful goodness is.. " the Crow

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (swollenguy) — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 20:17:32 +0000

“With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know.”
- Raoul Duke

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (swollenguy) — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 20:09:10 +0000

“Clearly you've never been to Singapore.”
-Jack Sparrow

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (ChainSaW80) — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 17:01:59 +0000

Crazy Earl: These are great days we're living, bros. We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns. These people we wasted here today are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world, we're gonna miss not having anyone around that's worth shooting. --Full Metal Jacket

Private Joker: I wanted to see exotic Vietnam... the crown jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill! --Full Metal Jacket

Tony Block: I'm gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge--Planet Terror

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (swollenguy) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 19:58:54 +0000

#10
You can say, ‘Can I use your bathroom?’ and nobody cares. But if you ask, ‘Can I use the plop-plop machine?’ it always breaks the conversation.
#9
So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
#8
There’s a fine line between masturbating while you look out a window, and masturbating while you’re looking in a window. I’ll give you a hint: one of ‘em is super illegal.
#7
One time my own father caught me watching a porno movie. The one thing you never wanna hear in that situation is, “son, move over.” “And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon…” my eye!
#6
The other night I had the lonely bug so I went to this bar. I saw this beautiful girl there. I’m thinking, “She’s alone, I’m alone. Why not annoy the shit out of her?” SO I walk over, I’m walking, I’m wearing clogs. And I notice she has a black eye, she has a shiner. I’m thinking, “Great. She doesn’t listen.” So two McNuggets, three beers, and 50 dollars later we’re back at my house doing it doggy style. Not that I planned on it, that’s just how she passed out. Thank you slow gas leak.
#5
I went to a sex store, and i was drunk. Never do that. I took one of those strap-on dildos, I put it on my head and started chasing people like a rhino. Oh, God. Oh my God! Everyone was laughing, except for the guy in the kilt. I don’t know what happened, but i’m sorry.
#4
Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering your monkey, 35 calories; laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories; catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings.
#3
I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I discovered–I need a girlfriend. ‘Cause that Discovery Channel is the most boring shit I’ve ever seen in my life, and the more of it you watch, the less chance you ever have of meeting a woman, cause it fills your head full of odd facts that come out at any moment like Tourette’s Syndrome. I’m talking to a girl: “hi, how ya doin’. Did you know Hitler was ticklish? Much like the sea otter. Where are you going? Come back!”
#2
You’re thinking I’m homophobic; I hear it all the time. “Dave, you’re probably gay.” “What?” “Well, you talk about being gay so you probably are gay! You probably secretly want to have sex with another man!” And I say, “Listen, Voice In My Head…I do not.” “How do you know you wouldn’t like it? How do you know you wouldn’t love it?” listen other scarier voice in my head, I know I wouldn’t like it or love it, because one time…during a terrible gardening accident, I sat on a cucumber… 3 times. It happens. You never see it on ER, but it’s happening. Every 8 minutes out there, someone is sitting on a cucumber, or papaya if you live in Hawaii. We need programs. If that ever happens, you need two things and two things quick: a pair of ice tongs, and a friend that can keep a secret. Preferably your midget friend. ‘Cause nobody believes a midget until it’s too late. Cucumber up a man’s ass? Is that where the treasure is? Well then lead me, into your midget world!
#1 Eggnog, who thought that one up? “I wanna get a little drunk, but I also want some pancakes.” You know what eggnog really is. You’re not gonna want to hear it, but I’ll tell ya. It’s elf cum. You might as well pour it down your back and slap yourself on the ass.

- Dave Attel

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (azathoth) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 10:24:19 +0000

"Groovy" - Ash, Evil Dead 2
"You obviously do not know who you ARE FUCKING WITH!" - Blade, Blade 2

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (thefinalsolution) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 07:48:39 +0000

Otis: Listen, you Malibu middle class Barbie piece of shit, I'm tryin' to work here. Work? You ever work? Yeah, I'll bet you have. Scoopin' ice cream to your shit-heel friends on summer break. Well I ain't talkin' about no goddamn white socks with Mickey Mouse on one side and Donald Duck on the other. I ain't readin' no funny books, mama. Our bodies come and go but this blood... is forever.

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (pR1m3vil) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 07:31:30 +0000

"A dope trailer is no place for a kitty" - Bubbles, Trailer Park Boys

"Do you think I've got CUNT written on my forehead?" - Chev Chellios, Crank

"I'm going to sleep in your bloody carcass tonight!" - Hobo With a Shotgun trailer

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (askani-son) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 06:37:50 +0000

Ones I actually use...

"...I still...function..." Megatron, Transformers The Movie (1986)

"Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?" Mr Blonde, Resevior Dogs

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

Also amongst my faves are almost any line from either Firefly/Serenity or The Crow.

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (MacheteMassacre) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 04:50:41 +0000

hackblowfist666 wrote:

"I have come to chew bubblegum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubblegum."
Roddy Piper - They Live

Dammit, I was gonna say that.
Um, I guess I'll go with, "Where in the fuck is my beaver rape scene?" -Sam Campbell from Evil Ed.

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (Michael_Jason_Krueger) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 04:44:46 +0000

"I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work." - Otis / The Devils Rejects

"When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth." - Peter / Dawn of The Dead

"Choke on 'em!" - Captian Rhodes / Day of The Dead

"I'm running this monkey farm now Frankenstein! and I wanna know... what the fuck you're doing with my time!?" - Captian Rhodes / Day of The Dead

Re: What are your favorite quotes of all time?

dummy@example.com (Suspiria_89) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 04:36:59 +0000

"I don't know whats left of me, but you can fuck it if you want to." - Slaughtered Vomit Dolls