Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

Wow revengebiteme you have a talent forsure, your poem enemy hollow is excellent and then I read the Pendulum and I love it. The ending gave me chills, you ended it perfectly. That was so great I keep reading it. What a haunting poem, with a great ending.

I haven't posted in a while on this thread, Here's some lyrics I wrote about a person who I had been inseperable with for the past 4 years when she up and left me in March, we weren't dating, but we might as well have been. It's a really long story (very long), but something happened in my life that sort of changed a lot of things and I lost a lot of what I once had. That's what this song is about, her in regards to the change and how I was left feeling and like a failure.

All I Have:

Will it end in silence?
Can I stand the sound?
I’ve lost a life with essence
My spirit I have drowned
I can’t fix what’s broken now
All these struggling days
I crawl through them somehow
This is not a phase

See what I have done
You won’t bare to stay

Everything I’ve lost
Haunts me, all my thoughts
I won’t make you proud
I will sting with shame
I would change my way
But all I have is pain

Alone I ask myself
Who will I become?
I am solitude and grief
Have you ruined me?
Or have you set me free?
I always let you down
I’m not good enough to be
Anything you need

See what I have done
I’m not quite the same

Everything I’ve lost
Haunts me, all my thoughts
I won’t make you proud
I will sting with shame
I would change my way
But all I have is pain

All I have is silence
Inside of me
I can’t feel my feelings
Trapped too far consumed within
Growing empty in ignorance
I can’t feel the life I left behind
And you won’t dare give me anything, just goodbye

Everything I’ve lost
Haunts me, all my thoughts
I won’t make you proud
I will sting with shame
I would change my way
But all I have is pain

I hope you feel the same

Last edited by Vamp_Slayer (2010-06-01 08:39:41)

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

thanks but Enemy Hollow isnt mine its Chrizzys. i wrote The Pendulum before my birthday last year its one of my faves that I have written.

yours is really good too I especially like I can’t feel my feelings
Trapped too far consumed within
Growing empty in ignorance
I can’t feel the life I left behind

very good

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

Ah sorry I guess i saw your pic and thought it was yours because i was thinking about your name.
Either way haha its good, But I really liked the pendulum as you can see tongue
Sorry about that sad
And thanks, that's the part I was actually thinking of changing...perhaps I won't. big_smile

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

in my opinion you're both pretty good. smile

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

The people on here, are really fine
you make me smile a lot of the time
you don't get mad when i whinge and whine
that's why i love you guys and gals , you make the sun shine

106

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

wolfman1959 wrote:

The people on here, are really fine
you make me smile a lot of the time
you don't get mad when i whinge and whine
that's why i love you guys and gals , you make the sun shine

Well thanks the world does tend to revolve around me so i guess the shine shining is by me to big_smile tongue

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

Fuck motherfucker kiss my ass
Bitch don't see the goodness in my grass
3 o'clock high in my pajamas
Knock it off thinkin bout her tattas
Fuckin 'em, suckin 'em, blast off time
Never knew I was this good at rhyme

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

JJ wrote:
wolfman1959 wrote:

The people on here, are really fine
you make me smile a lot of the time
you don't get mad when i whinge and whine
that's why i love you guys and gals , you make the sun shine

Well thanks the world does tend to revolve around me so i guess the shine shining is by me to big_smile tongue

bighead! wink

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

One Bad Seed wrote:

Fuck motherfucker kiss my ass
Bitch don't see the goodness in my grass
3 o'clock high in my pajamas
Knock it off thinkin bout her tattas
Fuckin 'em, suckin 'em, blast off time
Never knew I was this good at rhyme

lol

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

When Reality Sets In

Time passed by so quickly
your life was thrown away
with memories forgotten
and things you didnt say

Reality cought you off guard
your days are lost in the haze
years passed by like hours
all the while your lost in a maze

The mirror shows you a picture
of a person you dont even know
your life didnt turn out like you though it would
all those years ago

As you wonder where all your time went
how time could fly so fast
the reality of it all sets in
its true time never really lasts

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

I haven't wrote poetry in well over 20  years, but am very appreciative of what it says and does from the heart. I honestly think it takes a lot of guts to post something so precious to us and also to bear our souls through our writings. " Thanks to all who have opened up their hearts and souls to this post." Sorry I haven't any to share with you all!

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

Peacefull, Dreamfull Skies by Tylor Mintz
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I give peace to you
You give peace to me
Sit on down, take your time
We've got the world to see

When I sing this song
I sing it to you
All I've got is dreams
But you can share them too

Close your eyes
It's time to fly
No more men in blue
No more political pies

Just me and you
Just you and I
Together as one
We live up high....in peacefull skies

Watch America fall
And watch our love rise
We live where nobody hates
Where nobody senselessly dies

We live as one
In peacefull, dreamfull, skies.

Yes now, I've got this dream.
And now you've got it too
We can love one another
To make it all come true

I love you
In peacefull, dreamfull skies

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

Haha, wolfman, that was really nice. What a cool dude cool

revengebiteme you did it again. I got chills reading When Reality Sets In, not only because it feels so raw and emotional, a way in which you write very well, but because I feel like everyone can relate to it. For nearly every line of the poem I could think about and picture something in my life. I love sad poems tongue as one can see.

Creature, that is a really touching poem, that feels so heartfelt and you wrote it perfectly. It flows nicely and I really like the title and how it is used within the poem, how you mention just "peaceful" and then it becomes "peaceful, dreamful" I don't know why it just makes it seem like everything is getting even better than before. It's a very hopeful poem.

We have so many talented people on this site.

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

Sounds like break up lyrics, but it's not actually about an ex, just a friend who I was inseparable with. Part of the "long story" that I mentioned with the other lyrics I posted.

Another Day

Walking from you for too long
Now I can’t change what we have become
And it feels so wrong
That I am only numb
I guess we don’t belong
After all we’ve come from
It was ending all along

Somewhere we got lost
Our innocence would fade
And there won’t be another day
I let these moments slip away
If I had not let go
Maybe you would stay
If I had another day

But time could not have healed
The enemies we had become
I begged it wasn’t real
Won’t let myself believe
That I had made my deal
To lose who I deceive
I had lost you all along

Somewhere we got lost
Our innocence would fade
And there won’t be another day
I let these moments slip away
If I had not let go
Maybe you would stay
If I had another day

In my mind I didn’t care
But I can’t lie or mask my cries
If I was only there
We’d have a next time
Maybe I
I could have tried
To keep you near
You would not have disappeared
Maybe it was time

Somewhere we got lost
Our innocence would fade
And there won’t be another day
I let these moments slip away
If I had not let go
Maybe you would stay
If I had another day

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

Vamp_Slayer wrote:

Haha, wolfman, that was really nice. What a cool dude cool

revengebiteme you did it again. I got chills reading When Reality Sets In, not only because it feels so raw and emotional, a way in which you write very well, but because I feel like everyone can relate to it. For nearly every line of the poem I could think about and picture something in my life. I love sad poems tongue as one can see.

Creature, that is a really touching poem, that feels so heartfelt and you wrote it perfectly. It flows nicely and I really like the title and how it is used within the poem, how you mention just "peaceful" and then it becomes "peaceful, dreamful" I don't know why it just makes it seem like everything is getting even better than before. It's a very hopeful poem.

We have so many talented people on this site.

Thank you so much. smile
Really appreciate the kind words on my poetry!!

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

Vamp Slayer, you're "Another Day" poem is great. Very well written. smile

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

EDIT - ehhh....this one's not good enough. LOL.

Last edited by The Creature (2010-07-06 09:20:20)

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

vamp slayer your piece " Another Day" is very good. and creature your "peaceful, dreamy skies" is a good piece of work also  wink a lot of good writers on here.

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

wolfman1959 wrote:

vamp slayer your piece " Another Day" is very good. and creature your "peaceful, dreamy skies" is a good piece of work also  wink a lot of good writers on here.

Thanks Wolfman! smile

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

who's that, that calls my name?
a distant dark hooded figure with hands aflame
"the time has come that you await"
"the day that decides your fate"
" i have no fear of you,so do what you must do"
" i have no desire for life, but no desire for death too"

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

^^ Good job, Wolfy. That's really good. I like it. smile

I like this one. smile

Living For Piggies by The Creature
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good Morning, wake up
Grab something to eat
Put on a wrinkled suit and tie
And walk on down the street

Down at the office
Working all day
You can hear people talking
And all that they say

Oh god, how they hate you
But Friend, you know what to do
Yeah Babe, you always make it through

Mr. Mean Boss Man makes you work overtime
But you're so tired
Your mind is on the brink
Life on the edge of a wire

Sunshine wasted
You're been working so long
Watch the hours crawl by
And now the day is gone

Welcome to the U.S.A.
You either work to live or you live to work
This is the land of the free, home of the brave...
Oh god how those Piggies smirk

Well how do you sleep at night?
Do you have to tell yourself that it's all okay?
They love to tell you wrong from right
They teach you the game that everyone plays

The Piggies spread your blood for bedding
You support them and so they're here to stay
You tell me you believe in Jesus
Well Jesus wants the Piggies to stay
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please tell me what you think. I'm open to any suggestions.

Last edited by The Creature (2010-07-06 09:22:21)

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

Interesting turn in the poem Creature. I like it, poems that are almost like a story and the rhymes were done reallyl well, it had a great flow. You seem to be really good with words. Keep it up you're creative.

Last edited by Vamp_Slayer (2010-07-17 19:24:27)

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

He dropped the knife
The blood gushed from his wrist, and dripped slowly from the knife
He looked at it with a small smile of triumph.
"I've finally done it, this is it, i have finally found the courage".
He knew this was near the end, he needn't cut the other.
The triumph that he felt, countered the sharp soreness of his wrist
The blood was now seeping on the floor
He sat quietly, it was true what they said, some of his life flashed before him.
If he had turned a different corner, it may have been different, maybe not
That first knockdown punch when love hit him so hard, and after two turbulent years felled him
He recovered, found peace, settled and found happiness for a while
Then the dark spectres haunted again, this time it was too much.
He had tried, god knows he had tried.
He was a fighter or a fool who knew no different
He kept getting up from the canvas, now no more, he was throwing in the towel
He was getting tired, no pain now, he just wanted to sleep.
A mist was engulfing him, a figure was approaching through the mist
As the figure drew closer, the mist changed to a blazing white light
He needed to close his eyes, it was so bright.
He needed to sleep.

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

Really cool way of explaining things in that poem wolfman, it was obvious what was happening but you wrote it in a vague/creative way. It was actually more like a story than a poem, but I liked it like that. It's a bit depressing and dark...but again like I said before that's the way I like it haha.
I really like how you described him wanting to close his eyes and sleep because of the bright light. Really well done.

Re: Poetic Corner (for the Artist in us)

Vamp_Slayer wrote:

Really cool way of explaining things in that poem wolfman, it was obvious what was happening but you wrote it in a vague/creative way. It was actually more like a story than a poem, but I liked it like that. It's a bit depressing and dark...but again like I said before that's the way I like it haha.
I really like how you described him wanting to close his eyes and sleep because of the bright light. Really well done.

thanks Vamp! all my stuff is dark and depressive cos i'm a miserable cxxt as our friend zombie would say lol thanks for your comments, might be as good as you one day! smile