Topic: Friday the 13th Contest!

Time for another contest. This go around Warner Brothers sent me a camp councillor getup consisting of a Hat, T-Shirt which says 'Property of Camp Crystal Lake and last but not least a whistle so you can keep tabs on all those deranged killers that m...

Read More : Friday the 13th Contest!

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

Simple. I'd throw a red-headed Canadian webmaster at him. While he was busy slicing and dicing the tightfisted geek I'd steal the awesome prizepack that I'm not eligible to win big_smile

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

christ you think that i'm stupid enough to try and fight jason jesus this guy has survived pretty much any type of death known to man. sorry but i'm getting the hell out of town you can take this job and shove i ain't working here no more.

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

lol that is original but i suppose i will take that as an answer

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

Meh wrote:

lol that is original but i suppose i will take that as an answer

thank you i appreciate kind sir.

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

If i worked at camp crystal lake and had to face off with Jason it would go something like this... After Jason has killed most of the people in the camp, and hes coming after me i would quickly run a head, and go to the main office, i remembered that one of the workers had a gun in the back of a desk drawer, the i would grab a flare gun from the emergency kit.
Next i would quickly grab a propane tank and bring it into one of the bunks, Jason is catching up, i ruffle up all the blankets, so if someone was under them you wouldn't know which one., next i would put a dead body under the bed with the propane tank, hop under the covers in a nearby bunk where i have a clear shot. As Jason enters the room i hear thud... thud... thud... as he is walking towards the bunk. I see him now through the small hole in the blanket, he then stabs his knife through the bed into the body and realizes its not me, just at that moment i shoot the propane tank with the gun. then fire the flare gun. KABOOMM!! I go flying, Jason is hit by shrapnel and goes flying back. When i come to my senses i walk away and phone home at the nearest payphone. Back in the sleeping quarters, Jason is lying on the ground, and then his eye opens.

There is my entry.

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

I would try and become his ally. Help him kill the other kids because they annoy me too.

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

Well, part of the upside of being part shmoo is that everytime he bisects me with his machete, I double. 

I would got from
Mirth
to
Mirth Mirth
Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth
Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth
Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth
Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth Mirth

So I would soon outnumber him, and chuck him back in the lake.

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

rofl

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

Just out of curiosity ... which Voorhees are we talking about here? Kane Hodder ... or someone else?

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

I would sit down with the big lug and go back to the beginning.No not Crystal Lake but way back to his Elementary School days and short bus rides.This will break him down to his inner child and he'll remember when the big bully kid would take his slice of pizza and tater tots in the cafeteria.He will then admit to his faults and call his momma from the NetherWorld and tell her he loves her and then he'll go find his long lost father who ends up being Bea Arthur from The Golden Girls.They will catch up on old times and all his anger will regress and whither away and they'll go to Dave and Buster's and eat and play Skee Ball all night long!Happily Ever After!!! Rock On!!!

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

I would summon Jason's dead 3D mother from the third movie, so that she could bitch slap the little f**ker when she finds out how bad he has been!
And if that didn't work, I would find the best looking female camp counselor and bed her down just to make sure that I got my rocks off prior to being hacked up by Jason.

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

Would it be terribly wrong if I pelted him with small annoying children from said camp in order to distract him because I think thats what Id do.
Well... who the hell would send their kid to Camp Crystal Lake anyway?!

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

http://www.therazor.org/images/trunk_monkey.jpg

                   +

http://sites.google.com/site/vervemonkeyproject/Home/images/web-images/my_little_cthulhu_victims.jpg

                    +

http://www.weeklygeekshow.com/images/MonkeyBomb.jpg

                     +

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/gawker/2008/07/bruce-campbell-evil-dead.jpg

                    =

http://sites.google.com/site/vervemonkeyproject/Home/images/web-images/jason_stand_ohoh.jpg

Last edited by azathoth (2009-06-10 19:23:41)

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

I would wipe the pussy off my flavour-saver and be like: 'What the fuh --"

And Jason would lop my head off.

Or, I'd be like balls-deep, smackin' some ass and see Jason and be like: "What the fuh --"

And he'd impale me with a harpoon.

Or, I'd be snapping one off in the bush as I spied on the Hot Chick skinny dipping and hear a branch snap and be like: 'What the fuh --"

And be sliced in fucking half.

There's no way I could face-off with Jason. I'm not pretty, I don't have 70s hair, and I've never been on a shitty television show.

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

The first thing I would do is go in a cabin and set my alarm clock. Then I would go to sleep and have a Freddy dream. Right before I woke up, I would grab and hold on to Freddy and I would drag is old burnt ass to the "real world". Then I would run outside, when Freddy follows me he will see Jason and they will begin to fight......again. While they are fighting, I will take off running and will go hide.............inside my peanut butter fort.

Last edited by Suspiria_89 (2009-06-10 19:53:33)

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

If I had to face off with Jason I would actually have a fighting chance because we all know the virgin makes it in a movie like that tongue lol. So I would run from cabin to cabin as always not knowing what the fuck is going on then I would begin to notice Mary Lue Poo the other counselor is missing. ME and the other counselors would go looking for her and 2 of them would split off to go have sex I would be like, "Hey, Susie wanna have some sex later?" and she would turn my virgin ass down because she doesn't like them, but in the long run I would thank her. After the two having sex get killed with a harpoon or one of them gets up and get killed with a throat slit and the other gets stabbed to death, I would still have no idea what is going on because Jason is smart like that. Then it would be down to 4 of us counselors and we would have no fucking idea where the others are, but we would say, "Oh.. They are just probably off screwing around" but we would be dead wrong and some of us, I mean that in the literal way. Especially Susie the bitch who turned me down for......You know, bow chicka wow wow!!!! After that one of the counselors would go off to check on the kids and they would be decapitated and split down the middle afterwards, look at that the one person doing something kind and I fucking let them die the worst death lol!!!!! Then we would all get worried and start looking around in a group, we would notice dead bodies and we would all scream like little girls, especially Susie that little bitch tongue....and then Susie would be screaming and it would turn into Dead Alive and she would get punched through the back of her skull and be dead. I would then scream again and run off from where Jason is and set up a trap inthe forrest where Jason would dangle from the tree's. There is no real way to lure Jason so I would use the other virgin counselor left as bait, but tying them to a chair and letting them rot. I am just a bad person lol!!!! Then it would be me and the upside down Jason. He would throw his machete at me and i would dodge. Then he would basically teleport off the thing and end up behind me because some how he always does that lol. I would run and probably trip over a log or over my own ankle. Get back up and run into a cabin. He would then burst the door down and I would greet him with machete to the face going all Corey Feldman on him and then I would burn his remains and run the fuck out of there because he's probably gunna come back but I'm a virgin so I'll live, for now hee hee!!!!! lol:lol::lol::lol:

Theres my entry /panting, wooh thats alot!!!!

Last edited by Googopqp (2009-06-11 09:55:36)

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

I'd be jasons right hand man damn it. Everyone wants to kick the shit out of him you cant beat him so, if you can't beat him join him. I'd help him out pretend I'm help to his victims and then he crashes threw the wall slices and dices everyone then wait for the next bus of kids smile

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

Here is how I picture my scene. I am in a cabin getting some female counseler poon. Jason breaks down the door stands in the entrance. I throw the bitch at Jason (sorry you were going to be a one night stand anyways), so that I can hop out the window and develop a battle plan. Most important thing first, I find some pants. Hopefully a nice 80s pair of jeans. I wouldn't put a shirt on because I am a badass, and need to show of my pex. I start sneaking around in the shadows looking out for Jason. I would make my way through the woods until coming upon an opening with Jason on the other side. He starts coming my way and I head back to Crystal Lake. I decide to grap a weapon. One of the deadliest weapons known to man....a row boat paddle. I am now at the end of the dock with Jason approaching. I decide to fight. My weapon's length will be to my advantage, as to taught to me by the great row boat paddle warrior Shang-Wang. I attempt to strike his face before he can reach me. To my dismay he breaks my paddle in half. I stab him with the broken half but he keeps coming. Instead of jumping into the lake, I stare into the eyes of evil. Jason then hacks me to death in one swing. My lifeless body falls to the dock. [/End Scene]

Last edited by K4rnivor107 (2009-06-10 22:37:19)

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

i'd Pee My Kilt !!!!!

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

Hmmmm. Some good entries and I had to think about this one....I was gonna go with a Freddy dream but that was taken, lol. So screw it....I'll take one of his murdered skanky girls and strap her with an explosive device and lean her againt a tree and make like a sasquatch at a lumber jack convention...I be gone!

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

I would take a tact that has never been attempted before.  I would take my machete and wack his balls off.  I don't care if he's a kinda dead, kinda alive, probably immortal, evil creature.  He is definitely male, and wil be so traumatized about losing his balls, he'll fall to the ground crying his evil little eyes out.  Not only will said evil one be in excruciating pain, the sudden drop of testosterone will rob him of all his agression. 

Get er done!

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

floridapossum wrote:

I would take a tact that has never been attempted before.  I would take my machete and wack his balls off.  I don't care if he's a kinda dead, kinda alive, probably immortal, evil creature.  He is definitely male, and wil be so traumatized about losing his balls, he'll fall to the ground crying his evil little eyes out.  Not only will said evil one be in excruciating pain, the sudden drop of testosterone will rob him of all his agression. 

Get er done!

As a representative of the male subsection of this board, I call 'Violation'. 

Ball carnage must be limited to kicks to the groin, little kids hitting balls into the groin, lawn rakes into the groin, midgets headbutting the groin, ferrets down the pants tickling the groin (it's what they do), and skateboarders trying to slide down a rail and split the groin.

Paid for by the Society of Intact Groins.

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

I simply say something like that ...
"HAAHA, are you kinding me asshole ?"
NO ANSWER
"Hey hey! Take off your fucking mask!"

SLIPPPPPPPP !!!!
My head rolls well kindly at his feet.

Re: Friday the 13th Contest!

<INSERT MACHO NAME HERE> wrote:

Simple. I'd throw a red-headed Canadian webmaster at him. While he was busy slicing and dicing the tightfisted geek I'd steal the awesome prizepack that I'm not eligible to win big_smile

I don't care to win but thought this was frigin funny!