Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so they had all of them on the same day. They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies. That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep.

When she went past her oldest daughter's room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything.

The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, "Why were you screaming last night?" The daughter replied "Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream."

"That's true." She looked at her second daughter. "Why were you laughing so much last night?"

The daughter replied "Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh."

"That's also true." Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?"

The youngest daughter replied "Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouth full."

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

http://c1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/86/l_dce7e9e474754dcebfcd9f556868dc1c.gif

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

This HAS got to be joke --


http://www.jokeemail.com/dirty/dirty59.gif

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

MistressOf Horror wrote:

This HAS got to be joke --


http://www.jokeemail.com/dirty/dirty59.gif

There is not enough alcohol in the world to get rid of that image.:lol:

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/161/76022368.jpg

Here you go Helly hun wink
___________________

WHY WOMEN ARE LIKE BICYCLES

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.

3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.

5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.

6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.

7. It's best to have a soft place to land.

8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.

9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.

10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.

11. Once you learn, you never forget how.

12. If you fall off get right back on.

13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.

14. Remember to signal before you change direction.

15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.

16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.

17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.

18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes.

Last edited by BlackTequilaKiss (2009-09-17 13:55:14)

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

BlackTequilaKiss wrote:

http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/161/76022368.jpg

Here you go Helly hun wink
___________________

WHY WOMEN ARE LIKE BICYCLES

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.

3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.

5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.

6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.

7. It's best to have a soft place to land.

8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.

9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.

10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.

11. Once you learn, you never forget how.

12. If you fall off get right back on.

13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.

14. Remember to signal before you change direction.

15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.

16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.

17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.

18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes.

That helps.Thanks.:D:lol:

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

A woman and her little boy were walking through a park in New York and they pass two squirrels having sex. The little boy asks his mom, "Mommy, mommy, what are they doing?" The lady responded, "They're making a sandwich." Then they pass two dogs having sex and the little boy again asks what they were doing. His mother again replied they were making a sandwich. A couple of days later the little boy walks in on his mother and father and said "Mommy, Daddy, you must be making a sandwich because, Mommy has mayonnaise all over her mouth!!!"

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

those are good jokes, love the tornado one.


Here is a good one:

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? 

HOLD ONTO YOUR NUTS FOR THIS AINT NO ORDINARY BLOW JOB !!!!!

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

Oh no there goes Tokyo ,go go Godzilla.:)

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

Why do crackheads do it doggy style??

So they can both look out the window.

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

http://www.engrish.com//wp-content/uploads/2009/07/sucking-on-balls.jpg

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

oh thats rich !!

A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fuckin' ass."

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.
She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age? lol lol

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms.

The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of ONE, TWO, THREE...HUH! all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, How did it go? The first whispers back: It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection. The second dwarf shook his head. You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't
even get on the bed

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

love that Burger King ad....     people...

http://www.innocentenglish.com/img/funny-newspaper-ads-mistakes-and-bloopers.jpg

Last edited by MistressOf Horror (2009-09-23 18:56:06)

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw some guy hiding behind a gravestone.
I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a shit."

and

http://i233.photobucket.com/albums/ee90/dragonaut13/peanuts-1.jpg

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

MistressOf Horror wrote:

Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms.

The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of ONE, TWO, THREE...HUH! all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, How did it go? The first whispers back: It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection. The second dwarf shook his head. You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't
even get on the bed

Mistress, how could you stoop so low?  lol

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o120/kansascitylady/securedownload.jpg

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

This one ain't too bad, but some guy did it (well, he sang it, that's how I remember it...it's actually kinda stuck in my head at the moment) on Just For Laughs...


A man was driving down a country road, and hit a bull. He went to the farmer's house, and said to the farmer's wife, "I'm so sorry. I killed your bull. I'd like to replace it." The farmer's wife said, "Suit yourself, the cows are around the back."

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

A woman is in a coma and the nurse tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman's vital signs jump a little. So the nurse calls the husband and says 'come down to the hospital, I think I know how to get your wife out of this coma.'
So the husband hurries down, and asks the nurse what he can do. The nurse says, ' I think that oral sex will arouse her enough to bring her out of the coma.'
So the nurse closes the curtains and leaves the husband with his wife in the room. Moments later, the man comes running out of the room, flustered. The nurse, worried, asks him what happened.
The husband says, 'I don't know, I think that she started choking.'

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And that’s when the fight started ...

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as

I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And that’s when the fight started...

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

http://www.neilsaunders.com/image/5.JPG

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/mba/lowres/mban648l.jpg

Re: Caution! Dirty, Naughty Jokes Ahead!

A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, that was an insect."
To which her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a dick like that."