Topic: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

Okay so, this is going to be a short story, that was fully writen by myself. smile It's all my own work, if this like a film, or another sort of Novel, please inform me, as it wasn't on purpose. I was thinking about what way to do this, maybe doing it in 'parts', and not throwing out the whole story as one. I'm just going to that for this story alone, my other storys will be in full, altogether. Anyway, back to business.


                              Freightened of Life (part one)

Her entire life has been lived in fear, ever growing fear of everything that comes her way, but her biggest fear is outdoors, big open spaces. Christine who is in her mid 40's, has had this fear since she was a kid, never really understanding the reason why she has this fear, it has terrorized her entire life, limiting her very freedom of work, of even getting normal things. Christine does has Agoraphobia, which is an anxiety disorder, this has impacted the amount of friends she has around her neighbourhood, but with this disorder Christine had to get a Helper, to go buy her needs for everyweek. Her Helper, is James, he's a young man who's struggling with life, and who needs money, he has been helping Christine for the past few months now, and all has been going good. Until around two months ago, when everything started to go wrong.
Roughly two months ago, the neighbourhood that Christine lives in, started to become very dangerous. A lot of break ins, stolen property, and most of these break ins, followed murders in the houses. Since this has started, the neighbourhood has became very...feared, even though there is no gangs that hang around the streets, this has almost just started out of nowhere. The Police also receive many calls a month, from between murders, to just attacks that have failed on elderly people. All of this, has made Christine more scared than ever, and even James who travels to her house and neighbourhood weekly, to fetch her food, and drink, and normal things from the shop.
It all starts out on a lovely warm Summers day in Orlando, Florida, where Christine lives, and is from. She wakes up early, as usual, and goes about the house cleaning from head to toe, every inch of the house, from the parts you would never see in a house, to places that don't need cleaning. She has to find herself something to do, from early in the morning to late in the night. Christine also has a sister, Danielle, who's currently in Hospital and is badly sick, and who is spending the majority of her time in Hospital. They try speak on the phone from time to time in the day, knowing that each one of them are very bored with life, and have nothing to do, with there limits. As the day passes on, to around 6:30pm, starting to edge into darkness, Christines helper James visits her, as he knows she's in aid of some things. James reaches her house, but as he slowly walks up to her house on the street she lives, he hears this unusual kind of "scream", coming from a house he is passing, he turns to the house and opens the creeky gate, he starts to hear things dropping, and more screams. He starts to jog towards the house, he finally reaches the house and knocks on the door, there's no answer, but notices the door is off the latch, and can open from his side. He opens the door, and runs into the house...




That's the end the start of my (aiming at short) story, if people like the start of it there, I will continue the story! smile

Please leave your opinion tongue

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

Writing about others fears is a good start (IMO). Because everyone has some kind of a fear, even if they won't admit to it. My opinion on your story is, it's interesting and way better than anything I could write. I also think it takes courage to post your writing, so" kudos to you," for putting yourself out there! Keep on plugging away, Andy. And thanks for sharing!

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

I added a poll aswell, so you can vote.

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

Underdog wrote:

Writing about others fears is a good start (IMO). Because everyone has some kind of a fear, even if they won't admit to it. My opinion on your story is, it's interesting and way better than anything I could write. I also think it takes courage to post your writing, so" kudos to you," for putting yourself out there! Keep on plugging away, Andy. And thanks for sharing!

Thank you for reading! smile
I might continue on with the story, but not a lot of people seem to be intrested at the moment...so I have to see, but I might just continue on, I'll see.

Thanks for your opinion big_smile

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

I'm going to be adding the second part of the story tomorrow, when I get some free time just to inform people.

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Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

this is really entertaining so far so good keep up the good work i'll follow big_smile

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

JJ wrote:

this is really entertaining so far so good keep up the good work i'll follow big_smile

Thank you! big_smile
Nice to know you're intrested, I'll be adding the second part of the story tomorrow, and it will be picking up from where I left it off, which was James running into a house. smile

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

keep going:)

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

Yeah, please keep going Andy.  This isn't the most visited part of HM so don't expect a lot of votes.  Very interesting story, and I'd like to see more.

My only suggestion is - white space is nice, and makes it easier to read.

Nice job!  smile

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

Thank you to both thedeadshallrule & Ghostseeker for your comments smile
I'm actually going to write up the second part...now, as I promised in eariler post. Be sure to check back soon and it will be up big_smile

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

I like the start.  You introduce the main character fairly well, establish a family connection, and add a potential hero into the mix.  The grammar structure could be tightened a bit, but don't worry about that now (that is for editors).  Just keep writing your story- I want to see where it goes!

Good job, BobbyTitaniumAverage!  smile

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

Okay, as I said, here's the next part, from where I left off...

                                                           
                                            Freightened of Life (Part two)

...And runs into the house, he does a quick look of what's in front of him, to see if he spot anything. To the left of were he entered, was the sitting room, a Vase was on the floor smashed into pieces. He could also see spots of blood on the white cotton Sofa, he becomes even more nervous, and rushes more without thinking what could be around any corner, as if it were a Race. He quickly darts through the sitting room and passes into a dining room, and sees a woman in the corner holding her arm tightly, but as he walks forward and starts to get more of a view, he notices a body on the floor, beside the woman.
The body of a dog, with blood flowing from it's head. James is shocked, and relieved at the same time. James starts to speak to the woman, "Are you okay? I heard you screaming and thought you were in danger?" The woman, while stuttering replies "Do I look okay, this blasted Dog attacked me" "Is the Dog yours? How did this happen?" says James, still shocked. "I was going out for a walk, and as soon as I stepped outside my door, the Dog jumped at me, and bit my arm. I rushed back into my house, but it got in before I could close my door" says the elderly woman.
James still unsure of this whole event that has happened, within a matter of moments, says "I'm sorry for rushing into your house, from what has been happening around here lately, I thought the worst. And your arm is looking very bad, you need to get to the Hospital". The woman replies, "I'm going to call my daughter, and she'll bring me over to the Hospital. Thank you for being aware of things around here though", James doesn't answer, but gives a nice smile to the elderly woman, but looks at the Dog lying on the floor, with a knife beside it's body. The woman says, "I had to just start swinging the knife, I thought I was going to die". "I understand, ring your daughter and get yourself to the Hospital soon, you need that arm checked".
James leaves the house, and starts walking again to Christines house, as he wanders up her road, looking at the lack of people around the Neighbourhood, how feared this place is, because of someone, or some people. He reaches Christines house and knocks on the door. Christine almost opens the door straight away, in an angry voice "Where have you been? I'm not paying you to stop by other peoples houses and greet them on your travels", James now even more in shock, doesn't understand how she knows that he stopped at a womans house. "How did you know I stopped at that womans house?". "I seen you go in from my bedroom window, I saw you walking down the road and was keeping my eye on you, you strayed into Ms.Murphys house". James still in awe of what Christine has said, he just pretends as if nothing has happened.
A few days pass, without hearing and not being able to get in contact with James, she's worried about him, as if it were her own son. It's 10:17pm at night, and Christine is doing her daily reading from a magazine. Her phone starts ringing, knowing that she doesn't get much calls, only from her sister, but never this late at night, and most likely the only other person calling could be James, she answers "Hello", there's no reply, but knowing the number that's calling her, she can tell it's one of her neighbours. There's still no reply, and her anger grows, just when she is about to hang up, she hears a 'gasp', on the other end of the phone, Christine speaks again "I heard you breathing, start talking or I will just hang up"....still no answer, Christine hangs up. Not thinking about it twice, her thoughts go back to James, and she starts to wonder if he's okay, and what has happened to him, no answer from his mobile for the past two days, and her fear is ever growing. Her phone rings again, and she checks the number, and it's her neighbour again, she answers "Hello, are you there?", she hears a whispering voice, "Hi I am here, don't hang up" Barely able to hear her neighbour, Christine replies "Why're you whispering?", her neighbour answers in a quick tone "Somebody is in my home!"...



Okay so, that's part two of the story, if people are still intrested, as I said before, I'll continue! smile

Thank you all, for reading

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

Very good story, Andy! and yes... you must continue, it's starting to get really good:) I wanna know what happened to James!

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

IckiMikki wrote:

Very good story, Andy! and yes... you must continue, it's starting to get really good:) I wanna know what happened to James!

Thanks! tongue
I might post up Part 3 of the story later I think, and then do Part 4 tomorrow. So yeah, I'm going to be adding Part 3 later on today, so for anyone that's reading (barely anyone lol) I will be adding part 3 later on today!

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

I'm reading!! And I DEMAND a Part 3! tongue I think its going to get good:)

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

Part 3 IS coming today! So no need to worry tongue

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

AndyMetalfreak219 wrote:

...., so for anyone that's reading (barely anyone lol) I will be adding part 3 later on today!

You now know hard it is for me to get people to do movie night.  big_smile
Keep on keepin' on with the story.

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

Great stuff Andy! I look forward to part 3, I'm intrigued now... Keep up the great work dude. smile

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

Freightened of Life (Part three)


..."Somebody is in my home!", the neighbour said to Christine on the phone. Christine stuck for words, says "Eh..em...excuse me? Does he know you're in the house? How did he manage to get into the house? Call the Police for God's sake!". The neighbour still whispering to Christine, "I'm sure he knows I am in the house, I was in bed and looked down the stairs and saw someone walk towards the Kitchen! I sneaked back into my room, and locked the door. I wouldn't be able to get out, without the person seeing me. I phoned the Police and they couldn't hear me whispering, I can't talk loud or else he could find out I'm up here".
Christine shocked at what's happening only in the house right beside her, she trys to look from her side window into her neighbours house, and can see the hallway on the bottem floor, she says to her neighbour "I can see your hallway, I can't much of it, but I can see a majority of it, and he's not there, you can make a run for the door."
The neighbour, more scared than ever, replies "I don't know, he could hear me, but mayb....", the neighbour hears heavy footsteps, going up her stairs. Christine manages only to see the invaders feet, He's wearing a pair of pure black muddy shoes, and starts shouting "I saw someone go up the stairs, hide! hide! The person is moving up upstairs!" Christine starts to hear crying on the neighbours side of the phone, and says "calm down!". Christine runs up stairs, and into the back room of the house, and looks across the way, and is able to see one of the neighbours rooms. Christine not being sure of what room it is, keeps an eye on the room, while listening to the phone, but it's dead silent. "Are you there? What's hap.." The phonecall goes dead.
The room Christine happens to be looking at turns suddenly dark, she can't see much now, except a shadow of light around the edge of the door, the hallway light bursting through the cracks of the door. A few minutes pass, Christine still watching the room....the door suddenly shoots open!
The room becomes more lighted, she can see the figure of a tall, well built man, but nothing else. It's too dark to see what he looks like, or what he even looks like. Christine finally realising she should of phoned the Police herself by now, starts to dial the number, as she looks on into the half lit, half dark room. Christine finally reaches the Police by phone, and she starts to tell the Police officer in a rush, of what's happened so far, from what she can see. At this point, Christine isn't even looking into the room, just focusing on the Phone call. The Police officer on the phone says, "Do you know what's happening now Ma'am? Anything at all?", Christine says "Hold on, I'll look across now".
Christine looks across to the room again, and standing there in the window, holding a severed head by the hair, is the man. The man is looking straight towards Christine, Christine falls to the ground, nearly fainting. She quickly trys to stand back up, and when she does, the man is gone. Christine can't believe what she has saw, grabs the phone and starts explaining what she has saw to the Police officer, the Police officer responds "I'll send up a unit to your house now, Ma'am, stay in your house".
The next day, James appears around midday at Christines door, she opens the door to find him standing there, opening with "I'm very sorry I couldn't contact you, my phone went missing  and I had to go to...eh, em, my mother. She's awfully sick in Hospital...". Christine still in awe, about James showing up randomly after 3 days missing, she looks down to find James wearing a pair of 'pure black muddy shoes'...


That's part 3 that I promised! smile

I'll do part 4 tomorrow as I said, I think people want me to continue so I will do part 4 tomorrow.


Thank you all for reading so far! big_smile

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

I'm a fan! Can't wait to see what happens in part 4:)

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

Andy, me and you should write a Justice League or Teen Titans HMF story one day since you're a fellow story maker!

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

Tripod wrote:

Andy, me and you should write a Justice League or Teen Titans HMF story one day since you're a fellow story maker!

Sure thing Tripod! I'd love too.

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

^^ speaking of, what ever happened with the Batman story.. you never finished:(

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

IckiMikki wrote:

^^ speaking of, what ever happened with the Batman story.. you never finished:(

I posted a short continuation and it doesn't feel as it used to when writing them but there won't be an end because of the hiatus!

Re: Frightened of Life (working title) short story, by myself!

Just incase anyone in wondering, I'll be doing Part 4 today smile And just maybe...Part 5, not too sure.