Go read our Spammers Beware thread. Then come back and apologize.
If you were a regular member here, posting your pleading for cash for your bronie fetish film would be OK. But no, you just skipped that whole part of getting to know us, creating some relationships, and just decided to shove the shampoo bottle right up our backsides right at the beginning. Not cool, man, not cool.
There was a time when I was a gentle, loving monkey. I would pet puppies, give Thunderbird to hobos, and not set hermaphrodites on fire for a quick laugh. Now, I'm a bitter and despondent used engine manifold with no hat. I liked my hats. They were jaunty and colorful, and often would sing duets with me. Now I deal with people that expect free advertising and beg money while my elephants are busy building chimneys on the Brooklyn Bridge. Pretty cool, actually.
Did you know that Cthulhu wears a XXXL-sized jockstrap? Now you do.
Tina Fey doesn't like you. Liberace finds you too flamboyant. Naked mole rats want you to wear more clothes. Piano wires turn to string cheese so they may eat themselves rather than dance with you. You were responsible for Breakdancing 2: Electric Bugbear Edition. When Papa Smurf hears your name, he has explosive ass-fire.
There is a story about a girl named Goldilocks, who came across a nice bear family's house. They cut her head off and ate her entrails. The end. Lovely story, yes? The sad part was first they painted her purple with pink polkadots so they could laugh at her. Do you know that your toilet laughs at you behind your back? Trust me, the Maytag Man told me all about it.
When hell is full, the dead shall rise and eat all your underwear, then sell you to the underpants gnomes for one handful of cat lint. The gnomes will have you shave honey badgers with VHS copies of "I'm Gonna Get You Sucka." Your movie will be rated slightly lower than Ben Stiller, Vanilla Ice, and 1/2 of a moose dropping.
So, in case you didn't figure it out, you broke basically every rule of decency that hummus has. And I'm not really sure what hummus is, but it sounds cool. Like some sort of ultra-evil weapon that makes no sense: "Bring in the UltraHummus Monster DongGun!"
Learn some manners. So spoketh the monkey.
Last edited by azathoth (2013-02-03 00:02:00)