Demon, you are always welcome in the monkey preserve!
As for me- You can't make this shit up. This was all on a simple trip to get gas for the cars....
So I'm going to get gas (see more below), and on a 2 lane road a Honda/Hydai rice rocket (is that the correct term), with a bunch of teens or young 20-somes pulls up to the red light with me. The driver is revving the heck out of his car, trying to get me to race him in my 10 year old Malibu (???). I ignore him, he's all trying to impress the gals, light turns green, he floors it and stalls. I just drive down the road...
But no, someone else has to be an idiot. Just two lights later, there's an SUV tailgating me into the left hand turn lane. Once you turn left, it's a 2 lane road for about 1/2 mile before merging again. So I get horned because I didn't push the yellow light, and then when we got the left turn signal, the lady blows past me at around 50-60 MPH on a 35 MPH road (that's like 3 hogsheads to a turtle bounce for you metric people ), only the be stopped at the next light 1 mile down the road. We both go into the same shopping center and I park like 2 spots away from her. Her hurry? Had to pick up Chinese food.
Our local supermarket has its own gas station, and they have a deal where you can get XX/per gallon off on your gas purchase depending on how much you spent on groceries, up to 30 gallons. So I always take 3 gas cans to maximize the savings. Fill the car up, them start doing the cans, and the guy waiting behind me starts blowing his horn at me. Instead of stuffing the guy into one of the gas cans, I just stop and kept staring at him. Once the ass realized he wasn't getting anywhere faster by honking his horn at me, he moved to a different line.
I guess 2 out of 3 for the monkey isn't too bad, and I didn't even break any laws! But really, mashing so much assholio into 25 minutes is just amazing. I need a need some TP for my bunghole.