azathoth wrote:

It will be a new film sub-genre: Annoying Bitch Torture Porn.  It will be banned by every nation on Earth (except Japan), and 4 different planets.  Oddly, this does not include Uranus (That's what SHE said).



@HQ- all celebrities are up for jokes.

@Lon- It was too perfect.

Edit- And there was a spammer I missed?  Losing my touch; better sharpen the nuclear knife.

Last edited by azathoth (2012-10-30 08:54:45)


Just getting up to speed with your Madness, Monkey Man....I love it and Lon quoted my fav. part of your latest rant.  Give'em Hell..

'' I wouldn't wish the monkeys on my worst enemy. These aren't cute monkeys. Nah. These are like those damn monkeys in "The Wizard of Oz"... only they ain’t got no wings... and they smell bad... these are vicious, mean-spirited monkeys.


Got a new spammer today, but I found some interesting pics while cleaning out Ziggy today.  So here is the reply-

Usually, I write something. 

Something special for Halloween this time.

Last edited by azathoth (2012-12-16 02:17:00)


Vamps thinks that the guy above is the psychedelic version of the creature from The Never Ending Story....




When Skynet goes self-aware, will the spammers complain about humans commenting on forums?


Perhaps, but we will still have the monkeys.

And welcome to the asylum, T12.  I'm the resident monkey, have a complimentary banana.  big_smile

There is also an Introduce Yourself thread to say "hi."

Edit- Errg, Sorry for the T13, I changed it.

Last edited by azathoth (2012-11-01 10:52:20)


Until they go planet of the apes on us, then we're screwed


Oops, I was editing while you were replying.  Re-check my post, lol 
It happens, sometimes we'll be editing posts all over each other- it can get confusing.


A new fly ran into my web.

Again, someone who didn't read the Spammers Beware thread first.

You don't even deserve my monkeys for your spanking.  I'm bringing out my dwarf-robot-sasquatch just to follow you all day, massaging your arse.
Sadly, this is the best I could find, but that may be worse.  I'll have to ask him about his pay scale.

That's all he'll do, just slowly caress your bum, no matter what you are doing.  At work, he's there while your boss looks at with a befuddled look.  Dinner with mom… well, he might then go rub her butt just to confuse her and have you answer embarrassing question as to why this thing is touching her.  You then get to confess as to what a rotten human-like plant substance you are, and why algae runs away from you, which is impressive since algae can't run.  When you're in bed at night, he'll be under the bed, poking at all the wrong places. 

When you type your illiterate ramblings, I will have a a platypus replace every instance of "the" with "I am a huge dork with a tiny package."  While you have sex with your blow-up doll, Dr. Biggins Q. Porcupine will be there to replace it so you can have that, "special tingling feeling."  Optimus Prime and Megatron will bond into OptiTron to make sure all your dates go badly.  Remember that time when Bumblebee "oiled" on the guy?  Their oiling of your date will involve particle lasers and mushrooms.  They then will dance around the Maypole, decorating it with merry flags before blowing up toasters and many loaves of bread.  You know why?  I don't, but it sounds like something I would want to see, preferably on the back of a herpoid.

This is Boxlee The Fresh.  You see that look in his eyes?  That is his desire to put his tongue on you.

You must be the insidious offspring of a rock, alien fungus, and bubblegum.  There is no other way to describe how such a thing as you can ever type without stabbing your crotch with a pen several times trying to type the letter "a."  Have you seen the movie Evil Dead?  When they play that audio recording, the Necronomicon burns itself to get away from you.  The Cenobites find you "icky."  I once read a review of Ted V. Mikels that described him as a "mustachioed sex toilet."  I like him better than you.  He at least has the respect to have the most ridiculous mustache in history.

Look at that!  That inspires more respect than you shaving your initials into your armpit hair.  Snarflick the Demogorgon begged off the job of stealing your hairbrush because it was "foul."  Bambi shot himself just to not be on the same planet than you.  Vampires run into the sun away from you.  Balls turn into cubes just so you can't practice on them.

Don't spam here.

Last edited by azathoth (2012-11-07 02:48:46)


Check it out, 2 in one day!

Ms. Alina Amack,
You obviously have not read the Spammers Beware thread.  Congratulations, you are about to become part of it.

Welcome to the Thunderdome of Monkeys.  There is no Tina Turner singing here, just an eternal bombardment of monkey poo for your bad taste in posting trash links here.  I'd call you trash, but my trashcan threatened me with a smack down if I lowered it to your level.  And since my trashcan is 2 feet tall and metal, and I'm not a grizzly bear, he wins.  I call him Alphonso the Cylindrical.

You see, I had a bad day.  I had a doctor cut a 3 inch incision into my groin before the Novacaine kicked in.  Then the damn thing bled for 12 hours.  Do you know how hard it's going to be to get the blood out of my favorite Stitch T-shirt?  That disgruntles me, which disgruntles the monkeys.  And as you can see
Some of them have knives.  Bobo's girlfriend has a glave.  Big George has a pogostick claymore sword.

If Boxlee The Fresh wasn't busy licking another spammer, you'd get him, too.  And he's just freaking nuts.  He once drank a gallon of gasoline just so he could pee fire on a spammer.  Fire pee is amazing to watch, by the way.

I will put up a fence around your house and fill it with sheep.  Why, you may ask?  Because all that wool walking around will build up enough static electricity to frizz your hair.  I'm that evil.  I will turn your microwave into a freezer and your freezer into a toaster- but they only work that way 30% of the time.  I will sign you up to both the Republican and Democratic National Parties.  I will teach a pig to sing opera to your mailman.  I will put purple carpet on the ceilings.

Do not post stupid links here.

Last edited by azathoth (2012-11-07 02:50:08)


See they heard you. You were angry there was none so now you hve them. lol


Another idiot.  Took long enough! 

Again, someone who didn't read the Spammers Beware thread first.

First we work out.

Then tested against bears.

Stealing your hubcaps.

Then we really get serious, you garbage nozzle of a spammer.

Once you're impaled they will eat you slowly as you scream to all the gods that have written you off as offal. 

I will chisel this onto your tombstone, as a warning to other spammers:

"And the monkey oils flatulence besmirches the Ozmonium spammer's anus with a confluence of aardvark feathers.  Don't spam here."

Then I will dig up your rotten corpse, salt it, set it on fire, turn it upside down, and then pee on it before throwing it into a haunted American Indian sacred grave site so you can be reanimated as a boll weavel that will be eaten by a gay parrot that keeps saying, "No cock, no cock, ha ha."

Like I said- Don't spam here.  I only have slight control of my monkey horde, dickweed.

Last edited by azathoth (2012-11-13 20:57:18)


lol lol lol lol

Last edited by kXnPunk (2012-11-12 07:20:15)


I lost count of the number of spammers at this point.

Again, someone who didn't read the Spammers Beware thread first. (I'm getting weary of typing this every time.)
I categorically hate the entire spammer race.  I'm going to go live in a mangrove forest with proboscis monkeys.  I will use them as loofas and their fangs can shave my face.  I will swing from trees and land on the back of alligators and punch them in the head.  I will race lions with baseball bats, throw hula hoops at gifaffes, pee on pumas, stick ferrets down my pants after saying, "Bring it you fuzzballs!" 

I will aerobicize in the nude with holographic projections of Playboy models around me just so Mr. Sausage will make you uncomfortable.  I will poop so hard on your bed that it will have a 5 foot wide hole through your mattress.  I will re-pipe your toilet so that it only shoots Crisco oil into your butt.  I will take your entire lawn and exchange it with your roof.  I will make your house walls invisible, your windows into slate, and your carpet in hedgehogs.  All your clothing will be changed to "Hello Kitty Tentacle Porn." 

I will shave your chest and glue it to whatever you call mom's chest.  I will have genetically engineered falcons follow all your coworkers around and poop on them, with little notes saying, "Courtesy of Genital-less Hamster Fiend."  I will have squid squirt all your neighbors with ink.  I will replace your pens with pencils that always break. 

I will then use those empty pens to satisfy the dead corpses of your ancestors going back 2000 years (yes, I can do that).  I will literally switch Pluto with Uranus so you just kind of roll around screaming, "There's a Uranus in my anus!"  Megalodons will ride mastodons to your house just to please themselves.  If you have any significant other, I will dispatch Boxlee the Fresh;attredirects=0
to re-educate the man/woman/animal/mineral you hold dear as to what pleasure is.  And he had the finest eduction at Perverted Cenobite Finishing School.

Don't spam here.

Last edited by azathoth (2012-11-14 03:16:08)


Monkey smashed one again. YAY!!! The user me thanks you.


Another goofball advertising free movies on his blog.  Sigh.

Wrong Move 2012.
Kindly kiss my ass.


Just be happy you caught me on an off day, or I would roast your ass for spamming.


Can you believe the same jackass posted again after I gave him the above?!?!

Holy monkey poo, you are a stupid one, aren't you.
Reported, of course, you sewer drenched bag of illegal filth.  Go peddle your shit somewhere else.

We have rules here-
the Spammers Beware thread first. (I'm getting weary of typing this every time.)  Learn it, live it, love it, or I will rain hell-monkeys upon your house.  You know what they do?  They don't just throw poo, they throw hellfire poo.  It sticks in your hair so your face melts like that Nazi guy in Indiana Jones.  When are you skin has melted into the putrid ooze that you are, they will shovel it up and give you an enema with it.  They will pee fire-piss all over your sobbing, crumpled lump of foul, rejected scrapple that you call a body.  They will bring Tantalos Hounds
to scratch your raw, exposed nerves with their spiky parts.  And you can imagine what some of those sparky parts are and where they will be rubbed.

I guard this site.  I'm no wizard, I have no catch phrase, but a crush illegal spam suckers like yourself.  You do not have a right to be here.  You have no right not to have my monkeys taunt you from the dark places.  They are wise, they are poo-flinging ninjas, and they never, ever sleep- and that really gets them grumpy.  You know how you feel after staying up all night?  They haven't slept in 230,241 years.  They know the answer to "42."  They created Rule #34, just because they were bored.

Do not come back here.  You are not welcome.


Seriously, on Thanksgiving?  Monkey rage...


Are you freaking kidding me?!?!

First, go here-
Spammers Beware. 

You don't do drive-by posting of utter shit, which your video is.

You don't do it on Thanksgiving, making me and my monkeys angry.  We will reanimate our turkey, drive it to your cardboard box you call a "house," and stuff the turkey into you, then roast you over the embers of a fallen demon.  Will coat you with butter made from the glands of a succubus tank-fiend, stuff boil you in the River Lethe, tell your momma that you are now a hermaphrodite hooker going by the name Minky Poo-Poo, and shave any pets your have and give them wigs.

I was having a perfectly fine day, looking forward to spending my time with my non-mutant family (like whatever you call that horde of things you sprung from), but you had to come here with some stupid stuff of a video of a messy toilet.  I will come and make your toilet messy.  I will stick said toilet on your head and ring it like a bell.

Do not spam here.  Especially on a holiday.


Nothings more entertaining than seeing Az show these spammers how stupid they really are. When will these brainless drones ever learn? big_smile


I hope not.  At some point they will learn not to come here.  And besides, I had Vampy laughing at "Minky Poo-poo."  big_smile  And a happy wife is a happy family.


Another drive-by YouTube spammer.  Sigh.

And, Mr. DeathLegend, I think I shall report you and spank you.
You have not read our "no spammers" thread.  This was a mistake on your part, because we do not allow drive-by YouTube dumpings by random pieces of garbage, such as yourself.

I am the monkey guardian of decency in this domain.  I have a horde of rocket propelled nuclear knife monkeys aimed for slobbering, festering pools of idiocy.  They cannot be bribed with bananas- they survive on the screams of anguish of idiots.  Their blood is pure rage and acid.  Their flung poo is stronger than C4 and smells worse.  They replace toilets with toasters, read all your mail, will make your DVR record every episode of "Famous Housewives of...", color your underwear pink (well, if it's not already all pink), stucco your car, replace your lawn with shag carpeting (probably a yellow shade), and turn every movie you own into The Sound of Music (Russian language version).

Do not tread upon abodes where you are not welcome.  You have not earned the right to post gibberish in this realm.  This is a realm of madness, a place Cthulhu shivers to think of, a dimension of sight and sound that will make you poop out your ears. 

Do not spam here again.  For I watch, I wait, I hunger.


A Lost Boy wrote:

And also... I dunno what spams are. Actually I know a lil' bit but I don't really know how to recognise them.

I'm sure someone already told you but man ya gotta listen to Monty Python more... they have the answers to your questions

(I never read all the fuckin posts so dont get on my case hmm )


LoudLon wrote:

I think I'll let this thread stand as a warning to other spammers as to what we think about them. big_smile

I thank this is just fucked but you are a mod so you are a type of god or is that dog yeah.. I think dog you ha ha