Gingerdead Man 3. Um, ah, oh, just f' it. Dear holy monkey hell was this a anal bombardment. Even the big boobed lesbians couldn't save this one. And how the hell do you mess up looping American dialogue? I'm going to make some watch this with me some day just because I hate them.
2/10, and one of those points is just for the boobies. Just really, why was this movie made? Some guy had some money to throw at 18 year olds to take their tops off? My spleen hurts, and I'm only 20 minutes into the film. I've seen better acting in high school pornos.
The ginger guy just jerked off to watching girls wash a car. Then he hooks up a convenient barrel of hydrochloric acid to the hose. My left lung just abandoned me. Oh, what the hell, after watching her friends dissolve, she sprays herself in the face with the acid. My colon just teleported to Canada.
No way. The chef(?) just ripped off G-Man's dick and licked it. I no longer have testicles. You know those R-rated sex scenes where the girl goes to bed with high heels on? Try a girl with her shorts and roller skates on an moaning like a banshee. "Oh baby, hammer me, hammer me!" No no no- the dean or whatever just got naked and started butt-banging the guy who's banging the girl. Or is he banging the girl's ass? Who cares, a pneumatic hammer just killed them all. My left foot just implanted itself into my ass.
What, fake WWII stock footage of a prostitute who f'd FDR and jumped barrels for the USO when Japan blew up Pearl Harbor? She won't allow her kid to skate because the mom thinks Pearl Harbor is her fault. And the kid is a telekinetic. My tongue just ate itself.
And I'm only 45 minutes in. Eeh Gods, what have I done to be so forsaken? This movie would be so much better if all the grils were topless. Then I could just mute it. I hate Charles Band; even having sex with 32 Playboy models wouldn't make up for this travesty, and I mean all 32 at the same time. Ugh.
Who knew that snorting flour was more lethal than coke? "You can roller boogie forever. Do it for the robo-boogie." Oh, f' my head with a hammer. "We have to crown the Boogie Queen before we tell the cops about the triple homicide. And damn, the prof was hung like a horse." No, I didn't make that up. Kill me now, please.
And then it turns into a Carrie weird ripoff. Where the f' did a cookie get 3 butcher knives and a Glock? No, my mind rejects that this film was ever made.