Topic: December melancholy
Looking up at a pale sky.
The thing about looking up at a pale cloudless December sky, you lose the weight of that long journey ahead, that journey that comes with a New Year. When standing just in front of each year’s new path it’s free of burden and distance. Once you get started the obstacles become immediately clear. That holds true unless you know you’re looking at your last pale December sky, then you know even once started you’re burden free, whether you like it or not.
When you are young that sounds like a fine goal; when you are old you realize your burdens are only second to your children, if you had any.
I remember my last December sky. I see time a bit different now, but I remember lying alone upon a grassy hill staring up at the heavens. I remember staring at that sky void and gray, fear filled me. As I flailed about and a hand found mine. Without looking or reference I knew it to be my mothers, a calm fell over my soul and settled my body as I stared up at gray sky.
I remember that hand became plump and equal in size to my own. I then remembered the smell of a summer’s warmth on a playground and the joy of a first friendship.
That hand I held went through many more metamorphoses. Some happy but many painful and regretful. The pain from those were always taken away with pure understanding.
Then a hand unlike the rest grasp mine. Its hesitant touch told me it was uneasy and unsure to be there. Its tentative grasp caused me more pain and fear than I thought I could bear but once our fingers were entwined I was at ease even more than in my entire life.
Just as I felt that ease and became secure with it I remember the hand became plump and small. I wrapped my hand around this tiny one and felt purpose. That hand grew until I let go and it held my own now fragile hand. When it did I no longer held any fear or reluctance.
When it let go I remember I laid there staring at the pale December sky with arms out stretched. I laid there until a boney hand took my own and I wondered now burden free, what took so long.
Let me know if its worth it and I will clean it up.
Last edited by swollenguy (2012-12-21 02:18:55)