In a long gone era located in the inner side of some retired spacecraft interface, some of the Gnuwers were getting ready for the execution of the latest transmission. The new version of the v4 process machine was ready, so they went into the room to prepare it.
End of System 1
But first the Gnuwers needed their cappuccinos so in entering the room they stopped at the coffee machine because they faced a long night's work. The v4 was a doozy and hands would get grimy in setting it just right...
End of System 2
Now remember that the Gnuwers knew that the v4 was newer........but they had to make room for it on their work table. So their hands got grimy with opened pouches of ketchup and mustard and wasted french fries in containers lying about. It's a good thing Gnuwers eat with their feet. But their hands were a little more handy for reaching the work surface. Then Ralph turned to Betsie and said: "Are you sure we know how this thing is gonna react under pressure? You know... kernel panics...?"
End of System 3
Betsie looked at Ralph with a funny grin and said: "Hey, don't you worry, guess why the Yursyvan gave me all the access codes of V2? It's because I know everything about the inner -yes ~ /grep/dir/woohoo/dang/powerage/hardware/igniton/gonow of it... I have set up a help button that fixes everything in case of high level Kernel Malfunctions. Ok, let's get thing this rolling and rocking, ready? Press the start button Ralph." -Ralph: "All right! Aye, aye, let's just hope that we'll tranfigure to the right processor..." -Betsie: "Trust me will ya?"
End of System 4
Seconds after pushing the button they began to hear a low rumble off in the distance, accompanied by a high-pitched whine from behind the console, which seemed to be increasing it pitch and intensity. Ralph leapt to push the override button, but he was too late, and they were suddenly frozen in terror, transfixed. The screen had gone blank, and they were now staring right into the dreaded blue screen of death....
End of System 5
Betsie said: "I thought I told you not to use Windbloze, Ralph. It just can't take the megaflops. Damn now we'll have to reinstall everything. I think we ought to switch. Ellen here knows all about this. She's been flying high ever since. Right?" Ellen turns on a goofy grin and says: "It's all thanks to my dad, you know."Ralph spoke up after turning to an acceptable shade of red: 'Well, they told me all about integration-domination and stuff. I just thought it was the right thing to do. I mean so many Gnuwers are using this feeble looking thing. I'll repair this, don't you worry. And from now on no more blue screens unless it's aqua 'cause I like aqua. And soon, very soon, we'll get this thing to fly I swear."
End of System 6
- Told ya it was gonna fly, the engines are booting up pretty good, I had to start up in S mode to exterminate all the crappy code that WfurkyN OS left, all rm -rf now so it's all good. Starting the Powerage Input Controllers and checking if the V2 preferences are ok... Looks like were gonna have a great flight. Don't you think Ellen? Hope you'll like this flight too, I guess it'll be even better than what you experienced, the setup is from northern lights green leaves! Sit down every body, we're going off! As soon as Ralph pushed the keyboard combination of keys, the V2 got off into space...
End of System 7
This was the moment that they had all been waiting for.... for which they had trained for so many months. Now they could test their Application of those lessons. Ellen sat back, glad that the takeoff from the Tigerlaunch pad had been successful. Now she could settle into her job as crew Iconographer, mapping out strange new worlds, like some sort of Explorer. She felt like she was at the beginning of a Safari! Ralph felt triumphant. The ship had leapt from the pad like some sort of Phoenix rising from the ashes. It was a fine way to tell those assholes at HQ to Stuffit! He wasn't the ship's Navigator for nothing. He and Ellen had been researching the feeble WIurkN OS for months, feeling like Sherlock and Watson, and they knew that they had Graphic enough reasons to Convert from the pathetic old Gnu OS to this sleek new system. The moment called for a toast, and Ralph grabbed the Internet microphone to Connect to the whole crew. This would be his Keynote speech to commemorate the moment...
End of System 8
"Attention! Attention everybody! I need your attention! This is indeed..." Ellen had joined Betsie at the back of the ship. Betsie was playing cards and asked if Ellen wanted to join her in a game of Old Maid and Ellen with a lazy smile said: "Yeah..." Betsie rolled her eyes at the ceiling of the spaceship when she heard Ralph over the loudspeakers in his snappy speech. "That Ralph! What a woos..." She dealt the cards and Ellen could only see motion blur. She looked at the cards that she got from Betsie but she couldn't really concentrate on all those colors and the numbers made her mind stagger and hide in the bathroom. Then Ralph stopped his speech because the co-pilot was demanding his attention. Out of the port hole the whole crew could see they were rapidly approaching another spaceship vaguely resembling a Vespasiennes ship. Contact was made over the com system, asking for a meeting. The Vespasiennes, though smelly, were friendly people. So the two ships got together in infinite space, you could almost hear some kind of crummy waltz music but the choreography was impressive. The walkway that connected the two spaceships in the sealed chamber clanked to the sound of metallic boots and low and behold two Vespasiennes appeared and met the Gnuwer party composed of Ralph as plain Ralph The WoosBoss, Ellen as official Iconographer and Betsie as the official Gnuwer beach. The Vespasiennes had a strangely shaped head which they tried to hide under assorted hats, all to no avail. Those hats were simply screaming: "Look at my weirdly shaped head". The tallest of the Vespasiennes said in a nasal monotone: "We are from France". The shortest one gave him a quick elbow in the ribs and said: "No no no! We're not from France. We're from over dere. Dat oder place dere. We're from Kway Beck".
End of System 9
System 9.1 rev. B
Suddenly a gust of solar wind came out of nowhere and blew the Vespasiennes' hats right off. This surprised Ellen so much that her Clickable-Link reflexes took right over and without so much as a by-your-leave she threw her handy chakram at the Vespasiennes' heads. It landed neatly like a halo. "Wow like, bummer" said Ellen by way of an apology...
End of System 9.1 rev. B
Betsie turned around facing Ellen disbelieving what she had just witnessed: "Now that's just fine and dandy, huh? Talk about a diplomatic faux-pas! Who do you think you are? Xena? Carrying around a chakram... Where'd you get it anyway? At a five and dime store?" Ellen was really embarassed by the whole situation but she did manage to mutter: "No they mostly have dimes there."The shortest of the Vespasiennes was outraged: "Hey hey you dere. You think you can play freezbie on my head, you, tabarnak? You don't like us do you? I tink you hate us dere just like dat dere. I'm going to report you payple to your boss, you dere. And we are not talking to you or your ship no more. So dere." Then everyone stopped talking... There was a deep voice that was heard and it came out of nowhere but was everywhere at the same time (try doing that one day, huh?). Deep voice. Way deep voice. Way way deep Voice. Deeper than that even. And it said: "O.k. now look... I know not too much of you have seen me in the past. I'm supposed to be everywhere at the same time except in front of your eyes. But I've got absolute power and if I want to I can stay hidden for as long as I please. So there. "Everyone on the walkway looked around trying to pinpoint the origin of The Voice all to no avail.Ralph spoke up, being the WoosBoss: "Errr... Excuse me? Could you be more specific as for your identity here. We don't have visuals so let's at least have some precise descriptions of yourself. Do you like playing tennis? How about golf? Do you smoke? Or..."The Voice cut him off: "Ah! Come on you can do better than that can't you? I'm THE Demon for My sake! I don't have much time with you here I'm expected at a cocktail party at Hervé's Bar and Grill. So I'll just lay it on you people. Get your act together or I'm blasting you to smithereens. Is that clear pea brains?"
End of System 10
Ellen suddenly became aware that her cheek feel damp and cold. In fact, everything about her felt damp and cold. It was then that she realized that she was lying on a cold floor.... She sat up quickly, wiping the damp from her cheek. She then realized that it was drool...... her own drool! She must have been asleep! But for how long, and why here, wherever that is.... Before her eyes could focus, she became aware of a low, rattling sound, as if from heavy machinery. No, not machines. Someone was snoring nearby! As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, she became aware of the other sleeping forms around her. There was Betsie next to her, and there was Ralph, the woos, a short distance away. She realized that he was the one making all the racket. Both seemed sound asleep. Across the room she spied the slumped forms of the Vespasiennes, in their colorful diplomatic robes. They were sighing gently as they slept. What had happened? She struggled to dredge up memories of the last thing she remembered before falling asleep..... Their ship had made contact with the Vespasienne ship and they had agreed to a meeting. The two ships had docked together and the Vespasiennes had boarded, the smelly things! Then there was the incident with the chakram, and just as things were getting tense they heard... THE Demon! It was the voice of THE Demon! Ellen rubbed her stiff neck as she recalled His last words to them, "I'll just lay it on the line you people. Get your act together or I'm blasting you to smithereens. Is that clear pea brains?" It must have been THE Demon who put them all to sleep? But why? To help everyone clear their heads (and pea brains) and to ease the palpable tension that had been felt in the room as the diplomatic crisis escalated? But where was He now, and when would the others wake up?
End of System 11
And I'm stuck here...