Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

This is why I love Demon- he's totally incoherent yet always spot on.  He's the Rain Man of horror, and it's awesome.

The rage monkey hungers for new spam. 

I got to hug (dear lordy, they are pretty as all get out) various princesses, bro-fist Stitch, hi-5 a bunch of other characters

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

I don't vote. There's no [ NØ ] option. tongue

Hahaha Rain Man of Horror. The Red Evil one likes.

Bro fisting Stitch must have been the best. Lucky you, gotta love Disney princesses. I bet Minnie was smiling like she always does. Gotta love her. smile

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

azathoth wrote:

This is why I love Demon- he's totally incoherent yet always spot on.  He's the Rain Man of horror, and it's awesome.

The rage monkey hungers for new spam. 

I got to hug (dear lordy, they are pretty as all get out) various princesses, bro-fist Stitch, hi-5 a bunch of other characters

I think that deserves a thanks but not sure but spam goes on & on & on I just go on and off!!!

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

DemonToSome wrote:
azathoth wrote:

This is why I love Demon- he's totally incoherent yet always spot on.  He's the Rain Man of horror, and it's awesome.

The rage monkey hungers for new spam. 

I got to hug (dear lordy, they are pretty as all get out) various princesses, bro-fist Stitch, hi-5 a bunch of other characters

I think that deserves a thanks but not sure but spam goes on & on & on I just go on and off!!!

you do go on MR Demon and i think you're off at the moment, i can smell you from here. lol

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

Got a new one.  I didn't even bother checking whatever crap he was peddling,  He had like 15 links to whatever.  For you pleasure-
----------

Oh thank you Cthulhu!  It's been a week.

You have not read our Spammers Beware thread.  Now you shall pay.


I was having a discussion with Lon the Loudness just a few hours ago how I was missing spammers recently.  But, Mr. Ihamil47, or whatever, who really cares?, you shall feel the shank of the shaft of the bar of the rage monkey.  Because you trespassed on my grounds.  I eat raccoons for looking at me funny, and poop them out as swans so they may grow beautiful.  I am not a vengeful monkey.  I have no need for vengeance, for I am powered by a black hole of pure darkness and R&B jazz that will devour all who dare spam in my domain.

I have hobbits that track everyone, monkeys that implant urine detectors (no, I'm not really sure what they do, but they assure me it is important), and cantaloupes that turn into penguins that sing musicals at bus drivers for some reason.  What, you want something useful?

OK, I will hide hidden RC cars all over your neighbors' houses with your name on them, and have them shave their pets and lick their children.  (Note to self, develop licking RC cars)  Trees will follow you.  Clouds will fill your house.  Elves will giggle at you in public and make rude signs about you.   I will hire an aardvark to follow you around just to spank you with hot pants all day.  And pink hot pants at that.  All your clothes will randomly turn inside out, including your shoes.  Any belt you own will spank itself rather than be used.  Fish will fly into your TV and turn it into a volcano.  Green, sexy alien women will flush your toilet.  (That doesn't sound half bad, actually)

Do not trifle with the primal forces here.  I am just a vanguard of evil.  We have a Panda that likes to oil himself and pose with Sofia Varga.  We have a girl that hates dresses so much because they don't have pockets, she welded pockets to her head.  My wife once cut off my head because I was snoring too loud, then used thumbtacks to put it back on (she has since apologized, saying she should have used Elmer's glue.  We're cool though).  My friend here rated at 137% awesomeness, mainly because he just randomly blows shit up with his dong. 

We are fear.  We are Legion.  We are the insane and randomly stupid.  Don't come back, or the most hideous horde of deformed, rabid monkeys will attack.  Boxlee the Fresh is currently busy, so I asked his nephew, Chibbles the Sharp, to step in.
http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w46/cullyman07/CrazyMonkey.jpg

My blood is acid, my brain is fungus, and I never poop- I just send it to the moon. Never mind how, it hasn't been patented yet.  You have been warned.  I crave.

Last edited by azathoth (2012-12-17 06:08:00)

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

Yay, Vampy read the latest and chuckled much. Though she did say she would have used Gorilla Glue rathar than Elmer's.

And she thinks Chibbles The Sharp is cute, as opposed to Boxlee The Fresh, who scares her.

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

Dang, this guy posted 4 spams in 5 minutes...
==============
OK, you bilge-sucking piece of rodent trash.  This is your 4th spam.  Now I'm just pissed.  I'm not even linking our SPammers Beware thread, because you not even a spammer.  You are the crap that drips off the rotting corpses of diseased moon aliens that hump rocks for fun.

You exist solely to anger my monkeys.  They will pile drive your head into a turkey and use it as stuffing.  And then the turkey will barf you out because you defiled it with your complete uselessness that is needs a rectum transplant.  When you walk into a record store, everything turns to blank 8-tracks that only play backwards.  You exude such suckitude that cars lose their paint when you walk by.  Grass grows into the ground to avoid you.  You are a bottomless pit of human despair that the rest of the world becomes happier just by looking at you.

I was having a very nice discussion with two fine ladies, and I had to interrupt that to deal with your moldy jello brain.  You are a one person Human Centipede.  When Jigsaw saw you, he couldn't be bothered coming up with a trap for you- he figured your wardrobe was enough.  You're not even worth posting pics of Boxlee the Fresh or Chibbles the Sharp, much less Nuclear Knife Bobo.  Speaking of which, Bobo is pointing at the screen, howling in laughter.  He said, "What a dumbass," before wildly spraying the room with laughter pee.  And now I have to clean that up, too.

So go home to your family of Uranus dinosaurs.  May they bugger you with fiercesome rectitude.  May you be shaven by drop bears, oiled with the secretions of Yog-Sothoth, and slapped silly by vipers.  May your butt cheeks become purple and talk to mailmen.

Leave this place before I really get upset.

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

Oh that's what I should've posted. Gone to edit. lol

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

Azzy, you're such a fantastic poet!

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

And HQ had a nice contribution to our latest doofus-
===============



Tripod, I hear your sarcasm and it saddens me. I have already placed an order for you, and right now, as we speak, 13 Indian children are hurrying back and forth with the pieces of cloth required to make you your very own, beautifully hand-crafted Wholesale Purse. If I cancel the order I might break their hearts, making them cry and thus unable to see the machinery they are using. One might get his hand trapped in the loom and have to have it amputated by his boss, who is herself only just 6 years old. Then he'll develop gangrene, die and his whole family will starve to death.

SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!

==============

Good job girl!

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

Had a group effort on this last one-
=================

Gardenofstone10 wrote:

I can imagine what your voice would sound like when we stick your head in a blender

azathoth wrote:

^^
Ya know, Garden took care of this one.  But for fun, I'll imagine that drop bears don't like spammers, either.

In case you are confused by the responses, go read the Spammers Beware thread.

http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/e/e3/Government_Drop_Bear_Warning.jpg

Tripod wrote:

Does anyone here like ice cream?

...With sprinkles?

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

lol lol lol
Oh you guys are hilarious.
All those funny responses AND NOT ONE SINGLE REPORT
Do I have to lock this thread until people remember how to report spam?

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

Why report spammers when we can gather them up and be creative and have fun!!!!

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

So that the mods don't have to go hunting through every single thread on the forum to find it.
Or would you prefer it if this place became nothing more than an abandoned wasteland populated by spambots and trolls?

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

I like the idea of a wasteland like Mad Max (scary muscular guys singing) but with spambots and trolls, forget that!  I'll report the mofos AND berate them!  That's having the cake and eating it, too

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

Huh, I thought I did report it.  I must have messed it up.  Big surprise, there.  Sorry Cap.  Stoopid monkey.  sad

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

I usually report, but this time I did not sad

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

Good thing I saved this before the thread got deleted!
====================

First- reported.

You didn't listen to warnings of the Spammer's Beware thread.

Heh heh, I told Vampy I got another spammer, and she just told me to quote, "destroy him."

It's bad when you have invoked the ire of Vampy.  She and my mom are the only 2 beings capable of containing my wrath.  And she has a word for you this time. 

She wanted to test the waters with her own vitriol- "Even the rocks from which the jewels were mined despise you.  They will creep into your apartment and crumble into your underwear drawer, causing you to chafe."

She makes me so proud!  big_smile

I am Azathoth, drinking buddies with Cthulhu, Yog-Sothoth, the Fungi from Pluto, and Rambear.  Our teas are made from the finest monkey-picked Tibetan greens, and infused with the anguish of spammers' souls.  The essential oils of your marrow add that final pinch of aroma that make us giggle.  You ever see 3 Outer Gods and a military panda giggling at the same time?  Well, you won't since our acid blood will be busy consuming your brain, but others will bow down to frying pans due to this display of awesome.  I have heard that drop bears high-five each other at the spectacle, too.

I will invite Crispy the Knife to practice her knife skills on you.  I will create a treadmill from your skin so DirtyGirl can ride her bike during the winter.  I shall polish your diminutive skull and give it to Punk.  He will use it as a chalice for victory toasts over all spammers, for well, he's just that weird.  Your feeble remains I will turn into a superstring, just so Creature can do experiments on it with his Tardis, Jr.

You are one of a long line of fools that have followed the wrong path.  You would be better off humping the Slender Man's leg like the dog you are while dipped in butter and wearing those fake antlers people put on dogs at Christmas.  We have monkeys that do the Thriller dance.  We have pandas that fly.  We have UnderDog.

And worst of all, I am here.  I always have rage; I save it for the likes of you that dare desecrate my horror home and my friends.  Do not come back, or you will face the nuclear knife.

https://sites.google.com/site/vervemonkeyproject/Home/images/web-images/Bobo_knife_small.jpg

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

Mods-
Someone should post this somewhere on this thread.

http://qball45.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/spamhammer2.jpg

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

Crispy the Knife! I like it!

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

Nice indeed.

Another one down. Many more to go.

One more skull on the side of your monkey plane azathoth. big_smile

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

I missed it. But well done anyway

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

The Captain brought his own hammer this time!  big_smile
===========

Grimbah wrote:

I'm a cg animator, wanting to work on a solo feature film project. I can do it! But need a year's tiem freed up and the latest software and decent hardware.

Edit: A cg animator who lacks the required hardware and software for the project wants us to buy it for him and feed, clothe and cover his bills for a year? We get to pay for someone to have a year off playing with a computer?
I think we'll pass.

(edited by Cap Howdy)
------------

Punk wanted a piece, too-

kXnPunk wrote:

Gnagnagnagnagnaaaa. tongue

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJWKd8MeUVo

There you go. sad

Really that's the most absurd one I've seen in a while. lol

Man some people...

Scav:  "No."
Feckles the Awake: "Yes No."

And how could you not have a monkey involved?

azathoth wrote:

Seriously?  He asked for equipment and a year's worth of help?

This is all I got to say.

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

If I may:Out damned spot.
And:You are not worth the dust which the rude wind Blows in your face.

Re: SPAMMERS BEWARE

Firstly, good job Ratzo on the report.

Secondly, Mr. Fagaramos, you did not read the Spammers Beware thread.  Now you will find out why.

"Blessed are those who are without sin, for they will be welcomed with love when they return home."
- Paraphrased from a book I read once.  (I think it was Uncle John's Bathroom Reader.)

You, Sir GigglyBottom, are with sin.  The sin of spam.  I do not have sin, for I began sin, I am sin, and I feast on sin.  (Tastes like cherry pie, by the way.  And wait, does that mean I'm a self-cannibal?  Moving on...)  When I beg forgiveness from my Almighty, he absolves me, and then kicks me in the nuts and says, "Will you please stop doing that!"  (Protip- avoid being kicked in the crotch by any God that you know of.)

What awaits you are things that make Clive Barker explode-piss his toilet, and makes Ayn Rand turn into a good writer.  Poe just retroactively wrote a poem about you named, "Who the f' is pooping on my grave?"

You made another mistake by, "Polish mature and young people for the chips show ass, so you can feel like a club GO GO: D. I can get tokens for free."  Let me explain:

1) I would gladly click if it said, "So I can get many porcupines roughly inserted into my rectum."
2) You're a pervert.
3) I'm 1/2 Polish, 1/2 Czech, and 1/32 Romanian gypsy.  I'm so Slovic-magic that I should be the King of Liechenstien, with a crest that features a dragon-thing, like this-

http://th05.deviantart.net/images/PRE/i/d/e/0/Fuzzy_TROGDOR___fd.jpg

Yes, I realize that I'm 103.125% human- That is why I am the warden of filth here.  But you try to put up porn here, creeping on my ancestors, and you expect there will not be consequences?  You have heard of karma, yes?  Do you know where that word came from?  From one of my monkeys, Karma the Just.  This is the only known picture of him-

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Bwuj0DXWawc/TOtx-dpl7iI/AAAAAAAAAa0/k4JlBKILieA/s1600/sketch30.jpg
(Thanks to robotpencil.org)

He will ape-ify your head until it's your ass.  You will be the 2-Assed Wonder of the World.  People will feed you lint out of pity, explosively implode out of disgust at the sight of you, and direct any aliens in the area to you so we won't get invaded this week.  Kangaroos will learn kung-fu just to kick the ugly out of you.  Fire will spontaneously erupt from zero-energy quantum space because the universe abhors you so much.

My monkeys are preparing to go to a concert (Metallic Face Crunchers), so you are spared the nuclear knife, the glave, the pogo-claymore, Boxlee the Fresh's tongue, and whatever the hell Chibbles the Sharp does (Boxlee told me to never ask). 

So I must call on my Elementals-  Spontaneous Pee, Excessive Flatulence, Body Odor Eau De Toilette, and Milli Vanilli.  It will be a "whirlwind pyramid" of destruction not seen since Roseanne Barr sang the National Anthem.  It will be so fierce that Vanilla Ice will have (more) head trauma, thinks he is Kenny Rodgers, and write a new and screwed up song, "Dice Dice Lady."

There is nothing here for you, not even pain.  We will just stare at you, forever.  We will not move, we will not speak, and you cannot escape.  Your own mind will fungicide itself just to be rid of the absence of everything.  Do not return.  I am only the first level.  Pray you never meet Ms. Vampy.  She's not as nice as I am.

Last edited by azathoth (2013-01-12 23:18:02)