Jason Vorhees has killed over 150 people within the span of a 12 movie franchise. That’s an average of over 10 kills per movie! Bravo, Vorhees, and Happy Friday the 13th. You deserve a top 10 list.
It’s not easy to narrow down 150 distinctly unique kills to a measly 10. But I was more than happy to spend some quality time with the series and do it. So many good memories – here some of the most classic Friday the 13th kills. Or as I like to refer to them: Things that Jason Hates.
Jason Hates Bananas [Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter]
Unlucky hitchhiker – despite her best efforts, it seems that nobody is willing to give her a ride. Down on her luck, she takes a break to enjoy a nice banana instead of investigating the strange noise emulating the sound of someone sneaking up behind her in the woods. BAM – knife in the neck! The close-up of the banana being squeezed out as she grasps for her last breath is a priceless shot.
Jason Hates Sex [Friday the 13th Part II]
Perhaps it’s his own sexual frustration, but it is very clear that Jason Voorhees hates when people have sex. We get our first notion of this in Part II, when he bursts in on Jeff and Sandra and impales them with a spear while fornicating. Honestly, I could think of worse ways to go out.
Jason Hates Sherrif’s, But Not as Much as Tommy Jarvis [Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives]
Damnit Tommy Jarvis, Sherrif Michael Garris had a pretty cushy life until you resurrected Vorhees and his only daughter showed an interest in your crazy ass. In an effort to protect his daughter Megan, Garris tackles Vorhees only to be pushed to the ground and snapped in half. The cracking noises alone will make your skin crawl, ouch.
Jason Hates Crispin Glover Dancing to Death Metal [Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter]
Crispin Glover does the happy dance – then Crispin Glover does the dirty. Crispin Glover toasts his conquest afterwards with a celebratory bottle of wine. But ‘where’s that corkscrew?!’ Always one for irony, Jason stabs him in the hand with the utensil he’s been searching for and finishes him off with a machete to the face. [YouTube “Crispin Glover Dance, please!]
Jason Hates Whiny Girlfriends [Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives]
First, she demands unrealistic expectations in bed. Then, she mocks her boyfriend’s manhood. Then she keeps griping and complaining. It should come as no surprise that Jason is going to kill her, right? Right. But how do you shut up the unwilling? You smash their face… through the wall… until it imprints.
Jason Hates Eyeballs [Friday the 13th Part III]
Rick, the “dumb country boy” done gone fell in love Vorhees’s dinner, Chris, and sticks around to play hero who might get laid, only to find himself face-to-face with Jason. Rick is lifted off the ground by his head and squeezed until his eyeball flies out at the audience. Remember, Friday the 13th Part 3 was originally shown in glorious 3D.
Jason Hates Being Cryogenically Frozen [Jason X]
Jason wakes up in a cryogenics research lab in the year 2455 – it’s been a while since he’s made a kill, so he grabs the first thing he can find, which happens to be a pretty lab technician, and shoves her face into a sink of liquid nitrogen and freezes it. He then bashes her skull against a counter, sending chunks of her head everywhere. It’s like Thanksgiving dinner after a week of fasting!
Jason Hates Confidence [Friday the 13th Part II]
Good on Mark for not whining about his handicap. In fact, he’s so confident it’s likely he’s going to get lucky! Yes, things were going great until his face fell into a machete and he was sent spiraling down what felt like the longest staircase ever.
Jason Hates Trey [Freddy vs. Jason]
Of all the people who’ve gotten it over the years, Trey has to be one of the worst cases. That’s what happens when you’re a jerk though, Trey. He’s having sex. He’s drinking underage. He’s being a turd to his girlfriend. And THEN, he’s pissing Jason off. Trey gets stabbed with a machete over a dozen times for the first three – folded into the bed for the last.
Jason Hates People in Sleeping Bags [Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood]
Judy got a nasty wake-up call when Jason slashed into her tent, stole her sleeping bag with her body still in it, and bashed it against a tree. Why’d he do that? Upset with her choice of sleeping bag? Potential wildfire hazard? Camping material fabrics not environmentally friendly? Whatever the case may be, this kill is always the fan favorite.