Revelation 22:22 Review by Jordan

Ok, I think you all owe me a beer or perhaps even a case of beer.  I finally worked up the courage to watch Revelation 22:22 and I can now give you my thoughts on the film.  Now let me tell you that Michael had watched this movie first and gave it to me when I went to Toronto for the Festival of Fear. 
Revelation 22:22 follows three groups of people who are brought together during a random zombie invasion.  We first meet Bob, a cop who is on vacation and heading out to meet his wife and baby.  Next we meet Barry and Kim, a couple who just got engaged who are off to visit Kim’s parents to tell them about the good news.  Finally, we meet a group of 4 bank/jewel thieves who are on the run from the police.


There lives all cross paths when each group (first Bob, then Barry and Kim, and then the thieves) ends up stranded at an abandoned gas station.  Bob, the first stranded stops to take a piss and drops his keys in a storm drain.  Before being able to retrieve them he gets attacked by a zombie.  Really no reason why the zombie is there, it just is.  Bear with me.  The strangest thing…this guy is a cop, yet he tells the ‘zombie’ (which he initially thinks is a man) to stop twice and then shoots him.  HE SHOOTS HIM!  I don’t know where he went to police academy, but you don’t shoot an unarmed civilian just because he is stumbling towards you groaning!!


Anyways, he doesn’t die and Bob eventually bashes in his head with a rock.  Just after this Barry and Kim’s car dies and they coast into the gas station.  They stumble across Bob and his dead friend when more zombies appear out of nowhere.  Kim screams, the guys fight off the creatures and barge into the abandoned gas station.  They talk and then eventually the 4 thieves show up.  They were fleeing the city trying to outrun the cops when the lead guy, Simon, ends up hitting a zombie.  For some reason hitting the zombie made their car stall and then not start again. Whatever.


Bob, being the good cop (except for the fact he has an itchy trigger finger) decides to open the door to the place and let the guys know they are in there.  Who knows why, the guys were dressed in matching fatigues, but definitely did not look like soldiers, and they were carrying guns.  PRETTY damn obvious they were bad guys, but who cares…lets let them in!


Anyways, from there the movie gets extremely boring.  The 7 people just sort of sit in the gas station talking to each other about this and that.  We see that Barry (a black man) is EXTREMLY racist against white people (even though his fiancé Kim is white).  Simon is a complete asshole with a quick temper.  Randal (Simons brother) is in a comatose state that Simon can remove at the snap of his fingers.  And the other two thieves (who’s names I can’t remember) are quite forgettable.  As you can see, the characters are bland and unappealing.  I had absolutely no attachment to them whatsoever and really did not care if they died or lived.  I wish that stupid woman Kim would get killed though, her screaming and complaining was getting on my nerves.  If I were in a room with her I would slap the crap out of her.


So now that we’ve got the basic premise of the movie and the characters out of the way, what did I not like about the movie?  Well…pretty much everything.  The quality of the film was absolutely horrid.  I don’t know what type of film they used but it was extremely grainy.  There were quite a few shots where the camera was very shaky.  I mean, it looked like a caffeine junky was working the shots, it was so bad.


Also, the sound was terrible.  There was quite a few times where ambient sounds would mask the actual dialogue of the characters.  There were also instances where I guess the mike was not positioned correctly and I couldn’t hear characters that were standing in the background.  Definitely not your basic Dolby digital sound quality!  More like the sound was recorded on a Speak-and Spell.


Well the zombie/gore effects must have been good right?  Well remember that the quality of the film was awful.  With that in mind what I COULD see of the zombies wasn’t that impressive.  I mean, I understand this movie probably had little to no budget, but they could have at least hired a better makeup artist.  I could do better with a packet of ketchup and some ground beef.  Oh, and there was no gore to speak of in this entire movie.  The guys who had been ‘chewed’ on by the zombies just ended up with some fake blood on them and their clothes were soaked in it, that’s all.


On the subject of zombies…what causes them you may ask?  Who knows.  They just show up for no known reason.  Here we are watching these people and all of a sudden there are zombies all around them.  Later in the movie where the characters are having the proverbial ‘religious end of the world’ talk they speak of the apocalypse and all that nonsense.  It’s a pretty moot point as there was no initial explanation.


The one (and I stress ONE) thing I liked about this movie was the progression of the character of Simon.  You remember him; he’s the leader of the thieves and not exactly a nice guy.  He does, however, make a lot more sense than anyone else in the movie.  Later, as the other bozos are trying to ‘figure out’ why this is happening, he has the most intelligent insight of them all.  He basically says ‘Here you guys are trying to come up with an explanation to something that is WAY beyond any of our intellects.  Try to face death with some dignity”.  Wow.  I was surprised at that…the only good bit of writing in the entire movie.


In conclusion this was one of the worst independent zombie films I have ever seen.  I hate to rag on someone’s work so badly (especially considering they had no budget) but this was bad.  It was touted as such a great movie especially considering the promotional line:


From the creators of nothing you have seen comes a zombie movie that crosses ‘Night of the Living Dead’ and ‘From Dusk Till Dawn’.  This independent horror film takes the feel of Romero’s classics and puts them into the new millennium.

Well, for one, ‘From Dusk Till Dawn’ is not one of Romero’s classics and secondly this movie stinks.  I can’t believe they would sully Romero’s name and try to make their film look better than it is by comparing it to such a classic film as NOTLD.  For shame.  I don’t recommend this movie to anyone unless you have a friend you’d like to torture and steal 90 minutes of life from them.

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