Horror Remakes - Stop Your Bitching!

The entity known as “Hollywood” has become a villain more cruel and vicious than any of the creations born within its bowel. It is the giant that jilted Jason; the monster that murdered Michael; it’s the leviathan that lampooned Leatherface, and is, at this very moment, the fiend that looks to finish our dear old Freddy.

This is the attitude of many in the Horror community, including many of you reading this right now, regarding the slew of horror remakes—er, “reimaginings.” And I get it, trust me, I do. Why would you give pathos to Thomas Hewitt? Or to Michael Meyers? You’re telling me Freddy will be sans his quirky one-liners? Why the hell is Jason running? And where the hell is Robert Eglund??!!

The line has been drawn (in blood, of course), and most people, at least those who consider themselves true fans of the genre, have planted themselves firmly on the side opposite Hollywood and the likes of studios like Platinum Dunes. How dare you, Michael Bay, with all your stupid Transformers money (loved it, by the way), come into our little niche genre and try to pimp our childhood heroes to the masses! You want to bastardize everything we love about these beloved stories. And for what? To make your fat wallet fatter? What, you think the $500 million you’ll make from Revenge of the Fallen (super excited for it, by the way) isn’t quite enough to get your kids through private grade school?

Why is it that we get so upset about our classics getting remade? Is it that these movies hit us on a personal level, and distinguished a period of our lives? Do I not want a Halloween remake because I love the original that much? Because it is a perfect piece of horror, and the model for any aspiring filmmaker who wants to create a piece of cinema on a shoestring budget? I can claim so…but I don’t really believe it.

We horror fans are fiercely protective when it comes to “our” movies. Take, as evidence, this website. How many sites are there out there dedicated to the genre of action? Romantic comedy? We have a sense of ownership with the films in our library, and that is what makes the horror fan fantastic. So when someone from the Hollywood system, who has made blockbuster action films all of a sudden invites himself into our inner circle, and without consent announces that he’s going to “re-imagine” one of OUR films, we draw our machetes! What gives this guy the right?!

Well, to be fair, what gives US the right? Who are we to assume that every time Platinum Dunes announces a new remake, they’re going to A. blow it, and are B. just trying to make a buck? The fans of the horror genre are some of the most open-minded people around, so why do we put our blinders on? Our very idols who created the originals have probably even given their blessings! Shouldn’t that be enough for us?

If my favorite movie gets remade, so what? They’re not taping over the original. I’ve still got my Blu-Ray copy of Halloween, so who cares if someone else wants to take a swing at the same story? I’ll check out the new one, and if it sucks, oh well. I’ll go home and watch the original. There’s nobody telling me I need to accept the remake as the definitive version.

Is it that we like our horror being an outcast from the shiny lights of Hollywood? We are under the impression that if horror goes mainstream, or “sells out,” or gets popular, that it’s no longer “ours.” If any of you are like me, and I’d be willing to bet you are, the word “popular” makes you cringe. Is it our resistance to all that is pop-culture? Or is it residue from the days when we ourselves were in our very own horror film called High School? Oh, you know what I mean. I’m sure I was not the only one who pumped a fist when Carrie gave it to her classmates.

Have I loved all the horror remakes? Absolutely not. (Who the hell greenlit Gus Van Sant’s Psycho?) But I’ll be the first to admit that I have enjoyed all of the Platinum Dunes remakes. Well, does The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning count? That one sucked. But anyway, I am a huge fan of the genre, and of the originals, but I went in to each of these remakes with the thought: “Well I know it’s a cool story, so let’s see what someone else did with it!”

Horror will always be ours, my friends. Spielberg could direct the remake of Hell Raiser, and it could star Will Smith and Julia Roberts with a cameo from Jesus himself, and it still wouldn’t be as popular as the next Brett Ratner piece of vomit. We are our own crowd, just like horror is its own entity. I’m cool with letting Hollywood take a stab at it. I’ll check it out. I can’t promise anything, but, hey, we’re horror fans, and we welcome everyone. And who knows, they might inadvertently recruit us some new fans.

Editors Note: For continued reading along the same topic checkout MovieMavens Top 10 Hororr Remakes That Dont Suck and Top 10 Pointless Horror Remakes