Whats Up With Horror Slashers?

I lost my keys yesterday, so while I waited for a locksmith to show up, I sat over at my neighbor’s place and enjoyed some good conversation and some refreshing barley and hops-infused adult beverages. We joked about the Asian who lives down the hall - it never fails, regardless of the time of day or night, she’s looking out her window at you as you walk by her apartment, the outlandishly gay couple that live downstairs and get in hilarious screaming fights, and then the subject of movies came up. I can’t believe that I never realized that my neighbor, who I have hung out with multiple times, is also a horror fan. This absolutely delighted me, as I can talk horror movies all day and night. Sure, reading about them and writing online about them is fun, but there’s nothing quite as satisfying than an actual old school face-to-face discussion.

It turns out that not only do we both like horror, but we both especially enjoy the Supernatural sub-genre. Again, I was delighted. And then she tells me that some of her favorites are Session 9, The Orphanage, and The Innocents. Well, at this point, I am as giddy as a pre-teen girl at a Jonas Brothers autograph session. (BTW, I heard Nick is, like, TOTALLY single now! OMG, right??!!)

Once we had established that we had basically the same exact taste in film, we got to discussing the horror films we didn’t care for. Basically what it boiled down to was Slasher films. We agreed that they were not our cup of tea. Now this got me to thinking. I look at myself as a very open-minded guy. I wont say that I hate any one specific genre; I’ll check out the worlds of the $300 million summer blockbusters, the “shirts don’t exist here” worlds of the Matthew McConaughey RomComs, and the been there, done that worlds of Will Ferrel’s next “adult” comedy.

So why is it that I am a fan of the horror genre, but I really…I don’t want to say hate…strongly dislike the slasher films? I can handle blood, I can handle guts and crunching bones, I have zero problem with lots-o-boobs…so what’s my deal? I think it’s just that I don’t get them. I don’t get the appeal of watching people die, or of squirming and covering your eyes because they’re showing a close up of a blow torch meeting an eyeball. I don’t see the fun in coming up with creative ways of killing people (head in a microwave was the most inventive one I’ve seen recently.)

When the locksmith (finally) showed up, and I returned home last night, I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that I may be missing something. It then occurred to me that there is no better platform to present a question about horror than to all of you. So I’m doing just that. What is it about Slasher films that you all like? I’m a big enough person to admit that I must just be missing something, because I love all things horror except this. And like I said, I don’t mind a little gore if it serves a purpose. Not that it’s a horror film, (well, actually it could probably be deemed as one) but Saving Private Ryan comes to mind as a movie with a substantial amount of blood and guts, and I didn’t have a distaste for a single death in that film. They were disturbing, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t get mad about them. Granted, I know Private Ryan is based on true events—that has nothing to do with it, I am just using it as an example.

Will someone please explain the slasher sub genre to me? Why did Hostel make more than $10? Why do the SAW films continue to make money? I really enjoyed the original SAW; I thought it was original and creative, and it really didn’t even have that much gore in it. The gore didn’t show up until the sequels.

I turn to my fellow Horror creeps to give me an answer so that next time I lock myself out (I’m an idiot, so it’ll happen again, I guarantee) I can make good discussion when I knock on my neighbor’s door with a case of Miller Lite under my arm.