10 Great Gifts for a Horror Fan

Since we all should be just about recovering from the apple cider and Everclear cocktails that were in abundance during Halloween, it’s time to start focusing on some good old fashioned wholesome gift giving.  I don’t know about you, but my family is always struggling to try and find gifts for me during the holidays.  They know I have a assload of DVDs, so they don’t want to buy me one in trepidation that I already own everything that they think I may enjoy (I probably do).  I thought that since I am having this problem, undoubtedly, you too are in the same boat as me.  Well, I’m tired of getting gift certificates for Christmas!  It’s time we give some of the normies an idea of what we want for the holiday season (Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukah, Satan’s Birthday, whatever the hell scientologists do)!  Heck, maybe you are one of the non-horror people that stumbled onto this article while looking for Japanese “Furry” Porn (easy mistake to make, I do it all the time) and you realized that “that damn nephew of mine with the shitty haircut is into garbage like this”.  Well here you go jerk, the idea train is jumping the sanity tracks. 

Alien Face Hugger Plush ( Buy it ) Do you want something that reminds you of a classic horror movie monster while simultaneously scaring the crap out of the pants of every kid you show it to?  Well look no further than the life size Alien Face Hugger Plush doll!  It’s plush, so it reminds you of a nice teddy bear, but then you remember that if it ever becomes alive (which it will, says my god Orrlakk) it would attach itself to your face and lay it’s eggs in your chest in a split second.  Also it is a great wedding gift.

Exorcist Reagan Spider Walk Action figure ( Buy It ) There are a lot of great horror movie action figures out there on the market, but I figured I would go with the dark horse here.  It’s a plastic figure that represents one of the most messed up scenes in a classic horror movie that wasn’t even available till 25 years after its original release!  Seriously I don’t know if any of you remember this, but the spider walk wasn’t in the movie to the theatrical re-release in 2000!  Still despite the fact, it’s an awesomely unconventional action figure.

Elliot’s New friend Shirt ( Buy It ) From goapeshirts.com, we have ourselves a nice little spin on the traditional family friendly reeses pieces eating alien E.T. that just takes a hard left on wrong street and boner ave.  In this shirt, E.T. is replaced by one of the aliens from… Alien.  Check out their site for some more awesome movie-related shirts.

Alfred Hitchcock The Birds Barbie Doll ( Buy It ) What is more timeless than a Barbie Doll?  For those of us who aren’t serious collectors of Barbie dolls (I know they are in the minority here), why not invest a small amount of money into a Barbie that is representing one of the most brutal deaths in Alfred Hitchcock’s entire film cannon while looking FABULOUS?  That bitch had it coming anyways…

The Stepfather/Phantasm II DVDs Buy The Stepfather , Buy Phantasm II  I know, I wanted to keep this list clear of DVDs since all horror movie fans are exactly like me insofar as they are selfish and buy all of their favorite movies themselves with every penny they have driving them down the short highway to poverty, I couldn’t help but mention both The Stepfather and Phantasm II.  These are two movies that I said would never be released but yet here we are.  It’s been a long time coming and all I can say is thank you… and where the hell are my Blu Ray versions?

Horror Movie Shower Curtain and Bathmat ( Buy It ) What better way to show your house guest that you want to kill them if they dare ask to spend the night than with the horror Movie Shower Curtain and Bathmat!  This is a great way to get a chuckle whenever you step in the loo to take care of business.  This will also scare the every living shit out of your mother in law.  Who at this point needs some help going anyway (HAR!).

Machete Action Figure ( Buy It ) Alright, here is your opportunity to get on board with the film if it ever actually comes out by saying that “I was into that shit way before it was popular”.  A solid recreation of Danny Trejo should be a welcome guest in any horror movie lover’s home.  If possible, on the nightstand.

Bettlejuice Head Knocker ( Buy It )The website calls it a “head knocker” but for all intents and purposes, it’s a bobblehead doll of the classic 1980s cad Beetlejuice.  Who doesn’t love Beetlejuice?  Well now you can place it on your desk at work giving everyone else a chance to understand what the hell you mean when you periodically yell out “NICE F**KING MODEL” and grab your junk while honking!

Chrome Jason Belt Buckle ( Buy It  ) Whether you call it floss, bling, or roughin’ out duckets, there is no better way to show the world that not only are you a fan of horror movies, but you are also ballin’.  We all hold Jason close to our hearts, so why not give him a chance to hold up your pants and chill next to your crotch?

Remakes Suck Shirt ( Buy It ) I know that there are a number of you out there who hate the very idea of remakes, so why not tell every passerby what you really think without ever opening your mouth? Maybe if we get enough soldiers out there wearing these, we’ll be able to make a difference in the film community. Well we probably won’t, so I guess you should wear this shirt ironically because your ass is still going to pay to see the remakes.

So there you have it! I totally told you that you could trust in Poppascotch to help you out with your holiday shopping! If you want to me to personally do the shopping for you, then go ahead and stuff an envelope with as much money as possible and send it to me!*

EDITORS NOTE: Don’t send this guy your hard earned money. Poppascotch will spend it all on hookers, cases of Patron to “flow like the piss of the devil” (Poppa’s words not mine), and perverted coloring books. You have been warned.