5 Really Bad Horror Movies You Must See
I’m a hardcore horror fan, but lets be honest. The horror genre is full of truly bad movies. But unlike most genres, a bad film in the horror genre might be a good thing. I will be the first to admit that I love campy b horror movies. There are certain things that bad horror movies must have in order to be enjoyable. First off, it has to have a ridiculous over the top plot. Usually involving a freak of nature animal(Giant prehistoric sharks/demonic Turkeys), inanimate objects suddenly coming to life and causing hilarious but extreme destruction(Snowmen/dolls) and occasionally a Satanic Santa(Just to mix things up a bit). Next up, it has to feature some bad acting; Acting so bad that it makes Mark Wahlberg’s performance in The Happening seem acceptable. The dialogue has to be stupid but hilarious and memorable. Especially if coming from said Doll/Demonic Turkey/Snowman. And of course, the movie has to be violent. The kills have to be over the top and humorous with plenty of cheap looking gore effects.
There are dozens of b horror movies that I absolutely love. But I have narrowed it down to my top five favorite awful horror movies that I can’t live without. All five films feature everything mentioned above making them almost perfect b movies.
Warning: Watching the films on this list might cause some or all of the following side effects. Massive loss of Brain cells, fainting, excessive hitting of the fast forwards or rewind button, and the overwhelming urge to touch Jennifer Tilly’s boobs.
# 5. Santa’s Slay: Plot: Turns out that good ole loveable St. Nick was once upon a time a demon who lost a bet with a angel and forced to bring toys and happiness to children around the world. But now the bet is off and Santa is back to is old evil ways.
Why its bad: A satanic Santa played by Bill Goldberg(try saying that name with a straight face) is running around killing people in his slay pulled by “Hell Deer”.
Why it’s good: Although the plot is crazier than Gary Busey, it is original and interesting and actually is a pretty good story. Some of the kills are awesome and the movie is highly entertaining and it’s absolutely hilarious. Mostly because of the dialogue. “Can we open our Motherfucking presents now?” (Actual quote from movie) Look out Christmas Story, looks like we have a new Christmas classic.
4. Seed of Chucky: Plot: All hell breaks loose when Chucky and his wife Tiffany are brought back to life by their son or daughter Glen/Glenda.
Why its bad: I can’t deny the fact that the original Childs Play is a gem of a horror film. It is not only loved by horror fans but by the general public as well. Unfortunately I can’t say the same thing about the sequels. Part 2 was stupid but entertaining, Part 3 was just terrible and The Bride of Chucky was a disaster of biblical proportions. Just when I thought the series couldn’t possibly get any more ridiculous, Seed of Chucky was released upon the world. The only thing that could have made the movie more ridiculous is if they would have put ‘Based on a True Story’ on the DVD case. Seed of Chucky features doll masturbation, Chucky’s Androgynous son named Shit Head, an entire script that does nothing but make fun of Jennifer Tilly and if features the gutting of the rap star Redman. Which is probably the best part of the whole movie.
Why it’s good: Seed of Chucky is a little different than most of the movies on the list. It is a b movie all the way but it has a much higher budget than the rest of the films on the list. So the acting in Seed of Chucky is actually pretty good. Especially from Jennifer Tilly who did a great job playing her self and she had to have a good sense of humor since the entire film is built around making fun of her. It also has some really good effects. Including some awesome gore. Such as a really cool decapitation scene, acid face melting, disembowelments and some stabbing scenes. All of the dolls also look cool and the puppetry was excellent. The movie never takes itself seriously and everything about it is hilarious. Seed of Chucky is in my opinion the best Childs Play sequel.
# 3. Jack Frost: Plot: After a car accident, a vicious serial killer gets doused with toxic chemicals and gets mutated into a unstoppable killer Snowman. Soon he finds his way to the small town of Snowmonton and begins to pick off the townspeople one by one.
Why it’s bad: I probably don’t have to tell you why it’s bad if you just read the plot description. The acting is terrible, the effects are equally as bad(most of the effects are intentionally bad) and the script was probably written on a roll of toilet paper.
Why it’s good: Jack Frost reminded me of the old Troma movies that we all know and love. Jack Frost is as fun as it is campy and goofy. What starts off as a mild mannered b flick ends up being a violent and at times gory slasher movie with a very dark sense of humor which is emphasized in a infamous unbelievable rape scene. Some say it crosses the line, I say it’s hilarious. If you haven’t seen Jack Frost I highly recommend you do so. Just don’t get this Jack Frost mixed up with the Michael Keaton film of the same name. Although that would be hilarious.
#2. Shark Attack 3: Megalodon: Plot: A prehistoric Megalodon shark comes up out of trench and begins to terrorize a coastal community in Mexico and apparently the shark is against big business.
Why it’s bad: Go to wal mart, buy a cheap hand held camera, some plastic sharks and some of those little green army men. Then go home and place the sharks and army men in your tub. Turn on the camera and place the army men in the sharks mouth. Do this repeatedly for ninety minutes and the end result will look something like Shark Attack 3. Well, maybe not exactly like Shark Attack 3, but close enough. Seriously, everything about this movie is bad. The acting, the effects and the dialogue all equally suckish.
Why its good: Simply because it’s hilarious. Where else are you going to see a prehistoric shark rage war against an evil cable company by the name of Apex? Nowhere. And you will get to see what happens when you try to get away from a prehistoric mega shark on a jet ski. Oh, and I have to mention that Shark Attack Three has one of the best lines of dialogue ever spoken in a film. "How about I take you home and eat your pussy?"(Actual quote) Cinematic Greatness.
#1.Thankskilling: Plot: In 1621 some Native Americans decide to place a curse on the pilgrims by creating a demon possessed turkey hell bent on killing white people. Skip a few hundred years and we end up in the present day where five ignorant college kids are going camping. Guess what happens next. The kids soon run into the foul mouthed turkey. After failing to kill the kids at their camp site, the turkey then follows them home and begins to slaughter them and everyone around them.
Why it’s bad: Literally everything. The entire film is purposely bad. The acting is way over the top, the script is horrendous and the effects are laughable.
Why its good: Come on, we get to see a demonically possessed turkey go on a murdering spree. It’s not everyday that we get to see that happen. Thankskilling takes stupidity to levels previously never seen by the world before(unless you’ve seen an episode of Walker Texas Ranger) But it does manage to be highly entertaining and hilarious. It also has some pretty gory death scenes. Such as some slit throats, face carvings, stomach explosions and some tongue removal. And much like Jack Frost, Thankskilling features a rape scene. Except the raping is being done by a turkey this time around instead of a snowman.
If you are ever in the mood to watch a mind numbingly bad but enjoyable horror movie you can’t go wrong with any of the films I’ve listed.
Side note: Suspiria_89 cannot be held responsible for any brain damage you might suffer from viewing any of the above films.