Venom (2005) Review
Written by: Norrock The Zombie Eater
Out of nowhere comes a little horror film called "Venom". What we got here is 85 mins of 2005's leftovers. Yep table scraps is pretty much all we get with "Venom", Don't get me wrong "Venom" is not all chewed over bones there is however some good shit in this flick to sink your teeth into, But the little bit of good shit we do get is not enough to help make this flim good. Over all it is about as boreing as a dying 85 year old whore. Umm ok so i think you see where this review is going, Its going to be one of my bitchy ones, Ill try to cut it some slack and just get to the point of what stinks in this flick and what don't.
Ok so i'll start off by going over what don't stink in "Venom" and trust me it is not much. The Special FX are pretty good, The zombie type thing thats possessed by snakes looks really kool, You even see the snakes looking through the rotting holes in his flesh, Thats a very kool to scene to watch, By seeing that you get the point quite well that this living shell of a human body is being controlled by the snakes themselfs. The snakes are a trip, I have not seen such laughable cgi fx in years. The kills are ok, Everything that is done to take lifes is nothing that has not allready been done before. What stinks?, Well the acting is sure as hell not top notch, Its not even worth talking about, Venom's characters are the kind you only want to see die gory deaths and this film fails to give you that enjoyment , Need i say more. What stinks the most?, Well that would be the story, Sad thing is i think whoever made "Venom" tried there best to come up with an original story line, But it all ended up backfiring, And you can see that what was meant to make you jump out of your seat comeing 100 miles away before it even happens.
The story goes something like this... A small town in Louisiana turns out to be a hotspot for death when a guy in a wrecktruck meets the towns voodoo witch in a car accident by the road, The guy risks his ass to save the witch's life and it is still not enough to make the hag happy. *The box in my car you wight fool, You must get it* So the dumbass jumps back in her car that is hanging off a bridge to get a box full of magic voodoo snakes. The wight fool meets his fate and is turned into a unstopable killing machine much like "Jason" or "Michael", You can burn him, shoot him, Even put him in a dishwasher and he will still keep comeing for ya. The story leads up to the towns teens, They must run for there lives because the voodoo snake man is comeing. Over all i give "Venom" a 3 and i don't know why. "Venom" is not worth buying, And only rent this flick if your so bored that you don't have nothing to do but pick your nose. As for you that must know "Venom is rated R for Some Violence/gore, And Language. Till next time RIP...