Black Christmas (2006) Review

Written by: TheDemon   

2006's BLACK CHRISTMAS is a remake of the 1974 movie by the same name.  The setup is something like this:  escaped maniac returns to childhood home (which is now a sorority house) and starts killing characters that nobody really cares about. 

The movie is rated R for gore (should have been for ridiculous) and for some tepid adult situations.  In this classic example of horror-that-lays-an-egg we are given a group of babes who are all dumber than a box of rocks, have no personality, no acting ability, no social skills--I'm surprised they had opposable thumbs--and I, along with everyone else, are supposed to care about their plights?  Again, this movie is so boilerplate (not to mention tedious) there should have been a fanfare of "DA-DA-DUM" after each character was introduced.  And would someone please explain to something to me?  How can ANYONE climb in your bedroom closet and you NOT know it?  I can hear my dog fart in the next room, so I just cannot fathom an adult wriggling his way into my closet and me not know about it.

Andrea Martin (who starred in the original) appears as the house mother.  Really, I think she just appeared to up the body count, but I digress.  Glen Morgan directed this gigantically boring entry into "horror."  Was it scary?  No.  Was I experiencing white knuckles while I watched?  Well, yes; but that's because the bathroom lines were too long.  Run time on the R version is 84 minutes; that's 84 minutes of snoozeville.