Five Across The Eyes Review

3 out of 10 Skulls
Written by: Goon   

Has you mother ever told you, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"? Well if I was to take that approach to this film right now my review would end right here... But since its my job to watch these movies and give my honest opionion to all the horror fans out there I must continue. I'm not sure where to start on what went wrong with this film so I guess I will start out by just giving you a short run down of the plotline of this film.

Five young teenage girls are coming home from a local football game and they soon discover they are lost. Not only that but it is getting very late and they might not get home before curfew. Unfortunately for them that is the least of their worries. As they stop into a local shop to ask for directions they accidentaly get into a minor fender bender. Being the intellectuals that they are they decide to flee the scene. Big mistake. Soon half way down the road they see coming up from behind them a SUV with one headlight out. As the motorist begins to engage in some road rage the girls begin to freak out and soon they find themselves face to face with the driver. Will they survive the night? Do I really care? No.

The prospect behind this movie is a good one to make a real time film where you follow the victim. Where does this go wrong. The victims are five annoying high school girls that are constantly whining throughout the entire film. Add to the fact that they are not very good actresses to begin with. You are litterally inside a van during the entire movie riding along with these girls for 91 minutes. An hour and a half of non stop crying, bickering and complaining. Not a fun ride at all. If you have a couple sisters you will probably know the pain of watching this film already.

I have to also take up a complaint with the music. In particular the Atari 2600 theme that movie begins with. I understand this is a relatively low budget film but a decent soundtrack on any film can bring it up several notches and could have even helped this film in several spots. Instead we are treated to what sounds like a lot of keyboard music. Some very generic beats and in the case of the climax of the film a hardcore band blasting out some heavy metal tunes.

In order for the audience to connect with any of whats going on in the film you have to care about the characters. Five Across The Eyes does not have that aspect so you find yourself waiting for it to end. This has to be one of the longest films I have ever seen at 91 minutes. Long story short, this is something that unless you like being trapped in a car with some teenage girls for an hour and a half you will want to avoid.

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