AVH: Alien vs. Hunter Review
Written by: prddad
For a change, I'm going to skip my smart a** remarks, and go right into the review. I have some choice words here...
Plot...is everything you heard about Alien vs. Predator: Requiem: predators fighting aliens in human locations. Seriously. It's like the f*cking writer saw a trailer of the movie and thought, 'Damn!!! I can do something like that on an 1/8th of the budget!!!' And he did!!! That is the joke of it all. Granted, I haven't seen the movie, but I've seen enough trailers to know what it is about. And what I watched last night is it, just done wrong. It's like asking your loved one to go out and get Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey, and they come back with vanilla ice cream, nuts, bananas, and cherries. You'd want to slap them and tell them to go back out in the snow and get it (or maybe it's just me, who knows). It's a poor man's version, brought to you by the lovely people at Asylum...
Acting...oh, this one is good. It's almost like they were betting before the movie on who can overact the most. And as the movie continued on, they were still wagering on it since no one had won!!! Don't believe me? Go rent it and you'll see. William Katt (from Greatest American Hero) stars in this piece of sh*t. You know what I think: I believe someone told them they are going to star in the 3rd AVP movie, and they believed them!!! Then, when they realized they weren't, they started that whole overacting bet...
Nudity...none, but no matter, wouldn't have helped...
Gore/Scares/CGI...ok, here is the kicker: on the DVD box, it states: "from the special effects masters of FANTASTIC FOUR". Now I ask, Which one??? Gore didn't exist, the only thing scary was taking the recommendation from the Blockbuster guy who said, "Yeah man, this is a good movie.'" F*cking twat. I'm going in later today, and his a** is dead (not literally, only metaphorically). You know which Fantastic Four movie? The one Roger Corman did 10 plus years ago, that never saw the light of day because Marvel realized it was a piece of crap (and I've seen it. It would rate slightly higher than this movie). Oh, wait, here is what the "Aliens" and "Predators" look like: aliens look almost exactly like the aliens from the ALIEN movie, except these have spiders legs and look like they suffer from down syndrome (no offense to anyone out there); predators/hunters resemble a character out of the 70's Scooby Doo episodes. Seriously!!! I was expecting Shaggy to come out from behind a tree, smoking a fatty, Velma buttoning her shirt, and say 'Oh sh*t, where's Scooby when you need him?' It was that comical.
Bottom line...F*cking waste of an hour and a half...f*cking waste of $4.59...f*cking waste of talent, no, wait, scratch that last one, if you are in an Asylum movie, you don't have talent, so nothing wasted...f*cking waste of the great CGI minds behind the original Fantastic Four movie (i'm joking here, in case you didn't know, was keeping up the persona)...