AVP: Alien vs Predator (2004) Review

Written by: gabs1515   

Alien vs Predator is ok for your average mindless moviegoer, but for a fan of any Predator or Alien movie it is a massive disappointment.  Such though that I'm writing this review while I'm watching the movie.  It's almost over, but I doubt I'll need to finish it to display my anger towards it.

The first problem with it is Paul W.S. Anderson.  What the hell is wrong with you? Stop making movies in your own vision, cause it doesn't work.  Example...Resident Evil.  It's an ok movie on its own, but to the fans of the games, its complete shit.  Now we have AVP which is basically a Resident Evil adaptation within the AVP world.

I never had high expectations for it, but I had higher expectations than what they delivered.  Lets take everything about the original films and forget the facts and make this damn thing.  My biggest complaint is the Predators.  I always thought they hunted alone, and WHY WHY WHY did he combine forces with that woman?  I think he was just trying to show some honor in it, but come on, they've been hunting humans too.  Or did we forget?  Also the blades attached to their arms, they're at least 5 feet too long....and how the hell do you fuck up one of the greatest lines in all of cinema.  A predator takes off his mask, you look at him in disgust, and say it.  But no, lets say it about an alien.

I can't count the amount of times I rolled my eyes in the film.  Every time somebody said something or the Predators did something I was just like...What the Fuck?  Its like the Predator has a new friend with this chick.  There's so damn many things wrong with it that its hard to write them all down.  They didn't even show the Predator repair himself.  When he did take off his mask...yikes.  That's the worst robber job of all the Predator movies.

The story itself is just stupid.  Nothing coincides with events of the other movies.  I'm a detail person and I hate it when they don't take the time to get the facts straight or make it believable.  The one guy seemed to be a copy-cat of Scotty from the original Star Trek.  When I closed my eyes I could just picture it.

The only good qualities of the movie are Lance Henrikson and the special effects.  It was a joy to see ol Lance in an Alien film again.  There were a few inside things that fans of the original films would pick up on, but not enough to make it good.  The special effects in the movie were awesome.  The creature effects were well done, even the CGI was good.  I always get a little tingle inside seeing the Alien and Predator face to face on the screen.  First with the mask on, and second with the Queen and mask off.

If you've never seen it, its worth a watch.  If you're a die hard fan of the original series you will be disappointed.  Its just a lot of flashy action sequences and vague references to the films.  It may have been a good movie if it wasn't the Alien and Predator creatures facing off, but since it was, I didn't much care for it.

AVP: Alien vs Predator

Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson (Resident Evil)
Written by Paul W.S. Anderson
Key Actors: Lance Henrikson (Aliens)
Sanaa Lathan
Raoul Bova

My Personal Feelings on the Film

Characters - 2/10.  With the exception of Lance, I hated everyone.  They all had terrible dialogue and weren't even necessary to the story.  Even the lead wasn't needed.

Setting - Ancient Underground Pyramid.  So many things wrong with that.  First the Ancient part, second the Underground part, and third the Pyramid part.  I found it stupid, and it was in Antarctica...the LAST place a Predator would be.

Gore - PG-13.  Very little human blood, but a few decent alien dicing scenes.  Mostly nothing though.  Very disappointing seeing as ALL of the films have been R so far.

Nudity - None, I would've love to have seen a TON of naked chicks in this film.  It might've raised it up to a 6/10.

Shock Level - 1/10.  Nothing "scary" here.  Just a mash up of good ideas spit out through a paper shredder and pieced together to make this.

Humor - 1/10.  A few failed attempts at humor.  I guess the whole movie is laughable.

Realism - 1/10.  When compared to the originals this movie doesn't make any sense.  It's like the Terminator went back to the wild west to kill John Connor Great Great Uncle.

Ending - THANK GOD, it's over.  The only good thing about the ending is the impending Pred-alien coming in AVP:R - it looks pretty bad ass.

Interest Level - 1/10.  Well lets see, I was doing dishes, cooking dinner, eating dinner, AND writing this review while it was on.  Hardly kept my attention.

Classification - Crappy spin-off.

Sequel - This is the first spin-off film from the Alien and Predator franchises.  There is a "homage" or sequel, however you want to view it, called AVP:R - Alien vs Predator: Requiem coming out in a couple of days.  From what I've heard it finally gives the fans what it wants...so I'm excited to see what happens.