Hatchet Review

Written by: Constantce   

Hatchet is bloody bliss, sadistic silliness, and carnal craziness.   Adam Greene has succeeded in creating a memorable killer in part due to his catchy name, Victor Crowley.  Victor is played by Kane Hodder, and he is joined by other horror legends Tony Todd and Robert Englund in a lighthearted slasher film that is, as promised, old school yet modern. 

I had a hard time getting over the likeness the main actor Joel Moore / Ben, had to Linguini in Ratatouille.   He had that same endearing goofiness, and I really didn’t want him to die, even if I was sure it was going to happen, in some wild and crazy way.  Hatchet’s true worth is that the kills are beyond gory.  They were so over the top that I laughed out loud at each slash, squirt, and spray.  

Here’s the brief story.  Ben is heartbroken, so his buddies, led by Marcus (Deon Richmond) take him to Mardi Gras.  The boobs just make him sadder, so he decides to take a haunted swamp tour for something different to do.  I took a rowboat ride in those very swamps and found them to be even creepier in reality than they come across on film.  I also visited Marie Leveau’s, which was also way creepier for real.  Hatchet isn’t as moody as I thought it would be. Instead, there are girls gone wild and clueless northern tourists.  Golly, was that supposed to be me?  No.  I’m not nearly that matronly.  So, the swamp tour takes a turn for the worse when the boat gets stuck in the woods where Victor Crowley, a deformed boy, met his untimely death.  His spirit is still calling for his daddy, and he is pissed off, stuck in that painful moment and seeking to hurt anyone who comes near him.  The blood doesn’t just spill.  It flies in bucketfuls.    

Hatchet wasn’t very scary, but it was a good slasher flick.  Very entertaining.