Tooth & Nail Review

1 out of 10 Skulls
Written by: Goon   

I often don't find to many movies that should have never been made in the first place. I knew from the very first five minutes of Tooth & Nail that this movie would be bad.. not just bad but awful. The whole idea in making a horror film is that you have to have some kind of believable core story. In the opening minutes of the monologue they explain that the world didn't come to an end because of a plague, war or even global warning. Nope.. we ran out of gas. That's it! We are supposed to buy that? More on that later.

After said opening monologue we begin to follow a small group of survivors. They are held up inside an abandoned hospital where they have everything they need. But soon a wandering group of Mad Max rejects come along called Rovers. This rag tag group of Renaissance Faire lookin guys are actually cannibals and begin to pick them off one by one. As there numbers begin to dwindle they must figure out how to protect themselves against the Rovers before they are all made into three course meals.

Now as I was saying right away I didn't buy the concept that if we run out of gas the world would end. First of all we are already preparing ourselves with other energy resources so if we ever got dangerously low on gas we would have a plan B. Now even if we woke up tomorrow and magically all the gas was gone I highly doubt that 2/3 of the population would perish because anarchy would prevail. I'm just not buying it.

Besides the fact that I never bought into the core idea behind the film I predicted one of the major "twists" in the film the second it happened. In other words the film is horribly cliched. I really couldn't believe at how much of this film was just paint by the number. Even the actors seemed like they were just there to collect a pay check. I'm usually a big fan of Rider Strong and Michael Madsen but in this film they just didn't carry that same charm that they usually have.

Some other ridiculous notables would be the names of some of the characters in this movie. Get this, the professors name is "Darwin". Yea survival of the fittest.. get it? A little heavy handed don't you think? Also one of them is named Viper.. Really? Viper? Is that the best they could come up with? I mean that's just pathetic. I wouldn't even call myself that if I was "trying" to be cool. Next up is a scene at the very end when our hero character is about to go to this "BIG showdown". Before they head out they stop and during one of the most embarrassing montage sequences I have ever seen they begin putting on "Rambo" like war paint. Yes... it is that bad.

Now of course the film did have one good aspect and that would be the gore and some of the violent killings. Especially one of the final blows in the film is very effective. Some of the budget does show here though when a lot of gun shots were all delivered to the chests where squibs could be used rather than expensive looking head shots.

Well if after that review you didn't get what I was trying to say, keep away from this one folks. This really has to be one of the worst films I have seen in recent memory. So unless you are masochist stay far, far away from this one.

- Luke Franklin

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