Class Of Nuke 'Em High Review
Written by: TheFecalKid
Ah, Troma. It's been too long since I dabbled into their splendid films, and what better one to kick off with, than Class Of Nuke 'em High, one of Troma's finest offerings. All the laughs, violence and pure cheese you could over hope for in 80 minutes. Like the Toxic Avenger, this one is best watched with a few beers, a few friends and not much going on upstairs.
Tonight's feature film starts at the Tromaville Nuclear Utility, where a sudden leak causes panic amongst the employees. The plant manager, Mr. Finley, insists everything is A-OK and tells everyone to go back to work. Shortly afterwards, the Tromaville High School's water becomes contaminated with radiation, and a gang of drug hoodlums begin dealing weed saturated with said radiation.
Some students drink the water, and are melted. Others drink it, and are turned into superheroes. The Honor Society kids suddenly start dressing like punks, riding their motorcycles all around the school, and calling themselves the Cretins. Some kids even become sex-starved maniacs. One event leads to the other, as Troma tends to do, and soon all hell breaks loose. A giant party is being thrown in Tromaville at the local college frat houses, and a small group of friends - Warren (Gil Brenton) along with his girlfriend Chrissy (Janelle Brady) and the two stooges Eddie (James Nugent Vernon) & Greg (Gary Rosenblatt) - all decide to go. Warren and Chrissy smoke some of this tainted marijuana to let loose, soon after which they have a little roll in the hay. That night they start having nightmares and hallucinations, and the next day Warren has a Hulk-like episode in which he kills a few of the Cretins.
After having several dreams of being pregnant, Chrissy gives birth to what can only be described as the first stage of Alien, but smaller and green. It gets flushed down the toilet, where it travels until reaching its destination - in a barrel of toxic waste conveniently placed in the basement of the school. I bet you can guess what happens next. You're right, it's the Cretins causing a ruckus while looking like cross-dressing Mad Max rejects. If that didn't sell you, there's also a mutant, some nice special effects, and a montage. Who can't appreciate a good montage?
What this film lacked in acting ability and plot, it more than made up for in non stop laughs. No word of a lie, I pretty much laughed solidly through the entire movie. From the antics of Eddie and Greg to the ridiculous get up and mannerisms of our primitive friend Gonzo (Brad Dunker) I could not stop laughing. The Cretins themselves were great, but Gonzo has to be one of the best characters I've ever seen, in or out of Troma.
Those of you familiar with Troma know what you're getting into with a movie like this. For those of you who don't, if you haven't already figured it out, Troma films are about the cheesiest thing you can watch. But the magic of them is that no matter how bad they are, they're still hilarious and entertaining. They don't compare to regular movies, because, to put it plainly, they far surpass them. I loved this movie, in case you couldn't tell. It's definitely one of the best Troma has to offer, and the box set runs for a pretty good price if you've got some spare change floating around.