Alien vs. Predator Requiem Review

Written by: Poppascotch   

Back in 1979, horror fans were shocked and awed by a low budget horror film with the seemingly innocent name of Alien.  8 years later, a nice little action film called Predator was shown to audiences with a simple concept, a good story, and a fun cast.  Flash forward to the winter of 2007 where these two characters are bastardized to the point of unrecognizable staleness answering the inevitable question that yes, things can get worse.

Taking place moments after Alien vs Predator ended, an alien creature busts out of the chest of a predator causing general havoc  (you remember the last 10 seconds of Alien vs Predator where that alien busted out of the predators chest right? Of your you do).  this causes  the predators ship to crash in Colorado and soon the alien wreaks havoc on a small town.  For some reason unbeknown to me the Predator race send one predator to fix everything and clean up the mess of the alien invasion so that no one on Earth notices that there are aliens everywhere else.

Let's get the good parts out of the way first here.  The acting was not half bad at all considering that this franchise at this point focuses entire on the Alien Creature and the Predator to sell tickets (thats was made the Alien and Predator franchises famous in the first place right?  I don't even remember the human characters at all " *extreme sarcasm*)  There is also a plentiful amount of gore and some really good action sequences.  All in all that is what normally brings down the picture, but not in this case.  The downfall of this picture is the fact that it makes absolutely no god damn sense at all. 

Let me start by asking a series of questions to the Strauss Brothers about this movie and see what I can come up with.  And also bear in mind, these are questions that can be asked without ruining the move (so yeah there are a lot more). 1a:  Why would the predators send only one Predator to clean up the mess? The Predator race has been hunting the aliens for years, so why wouldn't they send a bunch of predators, they all know how out of hand the aliens can get  2:  Why didn't the predator race immediately nuke the town in the beginning?  3:  Where did all these new Predator toys come from?  4:  Why can the predalien lay eggs where ever it wants?  5:  Why are there even human characters in the movie.

I could go on with this all day.

In the end the downfall to this film (besides the extremely dark shots which don't show off all the work that went into making all of these costumes) was the lazy and insipid writing.  The film relies more on what would look cool rather than what makes logical sense in the world of the film.  Instead of having the Strauss Brothers reading the script and saying "omg that is super awesome fight scene man! we can have like blood and guts and shit everywhere! this is so good!!", they should have taken their time reading it over a weekend, sat back and said "this doesn't make any fucking sense".