The Lost Boys Review
Written by: Orphan
When you were younger, could there have been anything cooler than becoming a vampire? I mean, you never have to grow up, you never have to die, you can kill all the people that made your life a living hell in high school. Rip some fucking arms off and eviscerate someone for fucking up your shit in chem lab. Rip the head off that cheerleader who laughed when you asked her to prom. Who the hell does she think she it?
Like she’s better than me or some shit?! What the fuck!? Anyway… The above is the basic premise for this kick ass little gem from the ‘80’s, “The Lost Boys”. The film tells the tale of two brothers, Michael and Sam, who have moved from Phoenix, AZ (aka the center of the goddamned sun) to the coastal town of Santa Carla, CA. From their first moments there, they know that something is wrong. From their weird ass Grandpa to the freak shows that run the board walk and local comic shop, Sam and Michael quickly learn that they’re not in Kansas anymore…or at least Phoenix.
And soon enough the boys fall into two distinctly different groups: Michael falls in with a crowd hard partying, bike riding local “teens”, who are led by the supremely bad ass David, thanks to the ethereal Starr. Sam meanwhile falls in with the local comic store owners, Edgar and Alan Frog, who claim to be in the know when it comes to the massive disappearances and murders that have plagued their fair city: it’s all because of vampires, werewolves, ghouls, and various other creatures of the night. And from the looks of things, they’re right. Soon Michael begins to exhibit the classic signs of vampirism after he drinks some hooch laced with David’s blood.
And after he sees David and the rest of his gang slaughter their rivals in a classic scene he begins to shit egg rolls and Sam steps up to help his brother. And so the fight for survival begins. All of this I happening, mind you, while their mother, Lucy, is being romanced by some nerdo named Max, who might just be more than he seems.
There are a lot of elements that came together to make this movie a lot better than it had any right to be. First of all, the gang of vampires played by Kiefer Sutherland, Bill from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure”, and a couple of other dudes, are just plain cool. Every so often there comes along a horror flick where you wouldn’t really mind if the bad guys won and they went on some horrific killing spree. This is one of them. They are everything that a young person aspires to be: strong, fearless, and couldn’t give a fuck about anyone else. Next up is the special effects.
The flying sequences were a little cheesy even back then but now they really look dated, but beyond that you have the vampire effects which are still among the best ever scene. The yellow eyes and double sets of fangs are to this very day quite impressive and the vampire death that comes about half way through the picture is still so very cool… And finally, of course, there are the Coreys, Haim and Feldman. They had their heyday in the eighties and are now lost in Canada and VH1, respectively, but in this movie they are at their best. The feathered hair, the horrendous eighties clothes, the way they say “aboot” instead of “about”, it’s all here. So in the end, this movie is exactly what it aspired to be: a cool little eighties horror flick, with just the right amount of gore and the right amount of laughs. Rent it or buy and pop it in on a saturday afternoon. Trust me, it’s worth it.