Hatchet (2006) Review

Written by: EasterBunnyKiller   

After having watched this a few times, I have finally gotten around to do a review, because honestly, this movie required a couple runs before I felt confident that I had something to say.

If you've ever read Danse Macabre, by Stephen King (and I apologize for continually bringing him up), then you will understand where I'm coming from. He talks about how while our tastes become more refined, we begin to dislike our older, cheaper taste. He refers to the cheaper taste as being the junk food of horror.

That is what Hatchet is. It even billed itself as a throwback to old shcool horror, and for good reason. They went ahead and got three horror vets from the old days. Unfortunately, with the exception of Kane Hodder, they didn't have nearly enough face time. Tony Todd had a bit part and it was immensely upsetting, albeit amusing. And Robert Englund was in about five minutes, which irritated me.

That all being said, it was enjoyable. That is, if you're in the mood for some junk food. The main character Ben, is played by Joel Moore, who himself is a seasoned actor, however unrecognized (and yes, I do see the irony in calling crazy J.P. from Grandma's Boy a seasoned actor). He plays his character a being awkward, which fits because, in all fairness, he looks like an awkward kind of guy.

My one complaint about the movie is the fact that what it lacked in a strong story, it tried to make up with forty-five minutes of one-liners. Now, given that the first time I watched it, I was pretty amazed by it. However, during subsequent viewings it just made me kind of sad. At a certain point, I was surprised that we didn't end up seeing Moore in black leather, doing the robot, and riding a segway through the swamp.

It has all the staples of an eighties horror flick: Excessive nudity, an almost comic amount of gore, n apparently undefeatable killer, simplistic, yet creative, yet wholly predictable kill scenes, comic relief, and cheap scares. If it was any closer to an eighties flick, there would have been killer clowns. Honest.

And in spite of my supposedly refined taste in film, it was a great ride.  What it comes down to is this: It was an entertaining way to waste an hour and a half. And besides, Mercedes McNab is topless for about a quarter of the movie. No complaints from me. Victor Crowley Lives! (Don't believe me? Word is they're working on a sequel)