Simon Says Review
Written by: Suspiria_89
It seems like I have been waiting to see this movie for ten years. Probably because Lions gate kept pushing back the release date. And now I can see why . Although Simon Says has a promising plot, it ends up being just another average forgettable slasher movie.
Plot: Five college friends chose to spend their vacation debauching at the riverside. They find the perfect place to camp out, but end up crossing paths with twin brother Simon and Stanley. Who then begin to pick off the campers one by one in some creative and gruesome ways.
Its pretty obvious by reading the plot that Simon Says tries to pay homage to the good ole ‘cut’em up in the woods’ slasher movies that were popular during the 80’s. It’s has a very straight forward and simple plot that is impossible to screw up, or is it? The answer is yes, it isn’t easy but it is possible. And Simon Says proves it. I really wanted to like it because these are the types of movie that I love, but I just can’t. But Simon says does have a few good qualities. The first is the gore, and we get a lot of it. Although its way over the top and unrealistic, the effects are pretty good. We have several people who get arms hacked off and a lot of people who get chopped up by a pick axe, and one poor dog who gets stomped to death. The only other thing I liked about the movie is Crispin Glover. He is the only person in the movie who does a somewhat good job acting, even though is southern accent is unbelievable.
There are a lot reasons that I didn’t care for Simon Says. The first reason is the characters. There are all the same old typical slasher movie characters that we have all seen so many times. You have your whore, smart Asian chick, big stupid jock, a stoner that is literally smoking a joint the entire frigging movie and of course we have the good girl who ends up being the last one standing. We also have a very random and pointless ghost girl who rides a horse. She shows up twice during the movie but never says anything. Another thing I didn’t like about the movie are all the stupid traps. They are all unrealistic and dumb. The movie would have been much better without them. Another bad thing about Simon Says is the ending. After Simon kills off all of the character except the last girl, the movie gets boring. Then at the very end they try to throw in a twist ending. But it’s predictable and unoriginal.
Overall Simon Says is a very average slasher movie that is by no means original. I would only recommend this movie to hardcore slasher fans who want to see another backwoods horror movie