I held some amount of hope for Rob Zombie's first Halloween film and was happily impressed with his take on John Carpenter's horror classic.  So when I first read he'd also be handling the sequel, my heart skipped a little.  As someone who was not impressed with his film House of 1,000 Corpses but was blown away by its sequel, I figured, wow, if I liked his Halloween, I'm gonna LOVE his Halloween 2.

Sadly, the opposite happened.  Not only did I not love Zombie's Halloween 2, I was downright disheartened with it. 

Within the first ten minutes of the film Zombie shows he's not looking to accomplish anything more than to attach a film to a title.  Whereas his previous Halloween film strove to define what created the monster called Michael Myers and what drove him to his murderous deeds, here Myers is presented as nothing more than an automaton -- and  hairy, Grizzly-Adams looking automaton at that.  This film's Michael Myers is interchangeable with any of the worst of 80s slasher villains -- big, dumb, hairy mountain men who kill not for a purpose, but because people just happen to cross their paths.

But even in the worst of the original Halloween's sequels, there was a vibe that carried from one to the other, and it carried in Zombie's Halloween, as well.  The vibe rotates mostly around the classic Shape mask -- so unrecognizable here it may as well not even have made an appearance.  

Say what you will about what makes a Halloween Movie a Halloween Movie, but what makes Michael Myers' such an intimidating and haunting phyisal presence is that stark, blank, emotionless mask, with its hollow eyes engulfing you and that matted, crazy hair indicating the maniacal mindframe beneath. 

Whereas in Zombie's Halloween, and every other Halloween film, Michael Myers had a clear agenda, here we have a mountainous bushman who kills any Tom, Dick or Harry who crosses his path at the urging of a phantom maternal figure who is the exact opposite of the loving mother we're shown in the previous film.  He's one step away from Jason Voorhees, and the step is in the wrong direction.

Aside from the implausible and illogical story line, I also have qualms with the timeline.  In at least three instances during the course of the film, Michael Myers appears to be two, sometimes three places at once.  How does he make it from a rave where he kills a couple partying kids to a house where he kills two more people in the space of five minutes, when the party and house are miles away from one another?

I also have major problems with the characterizations.  Whereas in Zombie's Halloween Dr. Loomis was an endearing child therapist who eventually grew to hate himself for his inability to "cure" Myers, here he's a venal and arrogant asshole with Mariah Carey-esque prima donna tendencies. 

Laurie Strode is no longer a character you don't want to see die.  In fact, I found myself wishing Myers would kill her not to put her out of her misery, but out of mine.  In fact, there is not a single endearing character in the entire film.  They are played to be exactly what they are -- unlikeable people who you can't wait to see hack and slashed.

The sole exception is Brad Dourfi's Sheriff Brackett.  The always reliable character gives a realistic and plausible performance, and you empathize with him not only through every fatherly character moment, but also through through every horror, conflict and injustic he faces.  Dourif is without a doubt the only believable and sympathetic character in this, a film packed with unbelievability and characters you couldn't possibly care less about.

And most unbelievable of all is Laurie Strode's declaration during the film's rushed and sloppy climax.  How she came to say what she says doesn't just make little sense -- it makes absolutely no sense at all.

And so, if all you require of a horror film in order to enjoy it are heaps of gore and nudity, you will be well sated.  But if you're like me and not only expect but [i]demand[/i] more of your horror films, particularly if they involve a filmmaker who has already proven himself capable of so, so much more -- you will be tremendously disappointed.