House of the Dead Review
Written by: Xander Harris
Ok, so I have a question... How many slow motion shots and matrix style 360 degree spins do you have to throw into a movie to make it cool, or even watchable? apparently not enough in the case of "House of the dead" a title that more aptly described the mood of my party after some friends and I watched this movie.
Before I go any further I should point out in no uncertain terms that in my opinion "House of the dead" was one of the worst movies I have ever seen.. and Ive seen spice world.
The premis is this- two couple convince a surly boat captain to take them over to an island for what is supposed to be the party to end all parties. But when they get there they find an army of Zombies waiting for them. etc etc... sounds like a solid idea right? a classic set up.
Well you'll have to watch the movie to find out what happens, but personally i wouldnt waste your time. Once again- this movie is beyond bad. The cgi looked cheap and nasty, the music was corny, the zombie make-up was unconvincing (for the most part), the script was god-awful and was even more depressingly acted by a cast who I can only assume spend their weekends crying over their lack of talent.
What little story there is takes a worse beating than the survivors, and despite the directors (Uwe Boll) attempts at making it look like the video game it takes its name from (sort of a pre-cursor to the Doom idea) by throwing a number of splash screens from the game...this movie offers nothing new and intreresting to the genre, no amusement, no scares, no atmosphere, nothing. Having said that, the film had something of a polished look about it (until any of the characters spoke or did anything) - it looked shiny and full of potential. This however, did not make up for everything else.
It is badly made, despite the rampant violence and attempts at gore, and I am only slightly shocked that they want to make a sequel. The real horror in 'House of the dead' lies in the fact that they made it at all....