Nothing Left to Fear Movie Review

Christopher Horton

I don’t even know where to start with this one.   Honestly, I would have turned this one off about half way through, but I couldn’t stop.

I couldn’t stop watching because I think Im some kind of masochist. I literally enjoy the equivalent of pouring bleach in my eyes and sticking forks into my ears. This movie is audio/visual rape. It is mindcrime. It is a loathsome, empty, and vile. So I must hate myself, since I continued to watch this atrocity.

The film starts out with a family, moving out into the middle of nowhere, to a church parish. The father has been accepted as the new pastor of the church in town. They are welcomed by the entire town on move-in day, and everyone introduces themselves by helping the family move in. everyone seems very nice…too nice. Things start going downhill from here for our family. This town isn’t what it seems to be….

What is this town, if it isn’t what it seems to be?

I have no idea.

Mostly because they left out an important part of the movie: Explaining the plot.

And I don’t mean that the film makers left it purposefully ambiguous, so you can make up your own mind as to what happened. No, I mean I don’t get it. Nothing gets explained.  There is possession, demons, portals to hell, some kind of cult, human sacrifice and evil churches. These are all cool ideas, however, they never get explained. It actually pisses me off, even now, when I think back and try to put the pieces together. It makes me want to punt babies.

You know what doesn’t suck? The soundtrack! The film was produced by Slash (of Guns and Roses fame) and he also composed a lot of the soundtrack. This is why i gave the film a “1” rating. Slash also produced this movie, likely because he didn’t have anything else better to do that day. The song at the end credits is really good.

The acting is actually ok, also. No one here is Oscar worthy by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s passable.

I also noticed that the movie takes place in the 90’s or before, as no one has cell phones/GPS. The cars are older. This is never mentioned though, it was just an observation on my part.

Now lets get the biggest gripe I have with this movie: The (not so) special effects. Not only are they lacking in imagination, but they are also poorly done, with CGI for the most part. There IS one single scene that features actual prosthetics, and it looked amazing! But they only use it for one brief scene in the movie. What a disappointment.

The rest of the effects look like they were:

  • Created by Microsoft paint.
  • Crafted by either monkeys, a Kardashian, or members of congress.
  • Edited  by blind, epileptic beavers on LSD.

I am so damn tired of the “blacked out eyes and mouth” effect that horror films are downright exploiting these days. Come up with something original, guys.

I am a pretty smart guy. This movie certainly didn’t go over my head. It just sucks. Disappointed wasnt even the word, when the credits started to roll. It was blind rage. I screamed and yelled (and it scared the hell out of my cats) at the TV. I threw the DVD out of a moving car later that day. Before it hit the ground, a giant hawk snatched it up and took it away to an active volcano and dropped it in.

Seriously, though. They cant all be amazing. You have to take the turds, with the masterpieces.

1 / 5 stars     


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      1. Jeff Carson October 18, 2013 at 4:31 pm

        Couldn’t agree more! Not that I like his movies but Slash should take a lesson from Zombie!

      2. Dave Whitman October 20, 2013 at 2:49 am

        thank you. I was gonna rent this but decided not to until I read a review.

      3. Sandy McKiddy Little October 27, 2013 at 4:02 am

        It had potential, but I agree, IT HAD NO PLOT! I spent the entire movie waiting for A REASON for the whole story. How do u make a movie that doesn’t explain what the hell’s goin on?!

      4. John Morris October 29, 2013 at 1:03 am

        You are the funniest! I read this out loud to my 14 & 15 yo sons and we were crying with laughter

      5. shelli November 13, 2013 at 1:50 pm

        I almost bought this movie this morning at walmart….u saved me $13 bucks cuz this sounds like it sucks major ass! love ur review! hilarious!

      6. Sian November 15, 2013 at 9:36 pm

        This is a brilliant review I nearly pissed myself with laughter

        • Christopher Horton November 16, 2013 at 1:48 am

          Thank you for reading!!! I still cannot articulate the words that this movie made me feel. Just the memory of it makes me want to start drinking at 9am.

      7. Sue Flenley February 26, 2014 at 7:35 pm

        You have just made me LOL….think we’ll givethis one a miss then!! Haha

      8. Hailey March 8, 2014 at 6:11 pm

        Saved me from watching another plotless movie hahaha

      9. auchtv May 7, 2014 at 11:04 pm

        I believe the girl at the very end is holding an iPad…so its just a complete mess. I think you went very easy on the actors, most of them sucked big time.

      10. Jason October 3, 2014 at 11:34 pm

        Don’t ever watch this film!! Worst ever film I’ve ever watched!! No story behind it at all!! just a bunch of crap!! What a joke!! Serious don’t watch it

      11. JoB October 7, 2014 at 2:01 pm

        Snap, I spent the whole movie wondering what the hell the plot was too! Your review is spot on and hilariously funny….

      12. Kristina January 2, 2015 at 6:26 pm

        Watched this film today and couldn’t agree more! It’s so plotless what was the point in even opening the gateway to hell and then closing it!? And they didn’t even attempt to save the little kid which peed me off intensly! DO NOT WATCH!