New on Netflix : Stitches Movie Review


Stitches PosterThere are not enough horror films being made with psychotic clowns. Fact.

It’s strange how clowns have an unsettling effect on so many of us yet are not utilised nearly enough in film. Growing up in the 80’s I can remember three movies with clowns that affected my perception of those that are supposed to spread joy. Clownhouse and Killer Klowns From Outer Space were both evil and creepy respectively but it was Stephen King’s IT that was the real culprit and almost solely responsible for my irrational aversion to the red-nosed entertainers. Maybe Coulrophobia exists because people find it impossible to gauge a clown’s true emotions. Thanks to their make up, we find it hard to distinguish if a clown is as happy or sad as he seems or if he’s actually about to hack someone’s limb off.

Ross Noble, a British comedian I have never really appreciated, plays Stitches the clown who is open for hire. Why anyone would hire him is beyond understanding as he is a bum, in need of a good shower and devoid of any charm. Regardless of his nasty appearance, he is hired for a child’s birthday party where the children (unsupervised?) mock and heckle poor Stitches until one unfortunate prank see’s our clown fall face down onto a kitchen knife. Ouch. Alas, this is curtains for poor Stitches the clown… or is it?…

Fast forward years later and the children are now into their teenage years and about to throw a birthday party of the more adult variety. Who invited the mental clown risen from the dead with a taste for death? Nobody that’s who, yet that doesn’t stop Stitches gatecrashing the party on the anniversary of his death to exact revenge on all those deemed responsible. You see, this is made possible due to a clown cult that yada, yada, yada… lets see some gore! and you will as there is plenty of it even if it is poorly executed with zero tension, suspense or atmosphere. It’s made on a minuscule budget so it tries hard but there is no real conviction as we move from one gore scene to another. It you stick with it you will be unrewarded with an attempt at narrative as the remaining survivors make a dash to seek out an egg, yes an egg, which represents Stitches’ eggistence (sorry, too tempting not to) in the clown world and thus needs to be destroyed. It’s his soul or something. Yawn.

Your enjoyment of Stitches will be largely based on whether you like your horror films scary or silly. This is definitely the latter, even though the jokes fall flat.

“Is everybody happy?” coins Stitches. Sadly, no. As I wont be adding Stitches to the list of clown films that have left their mark on my subconscious and I doubt you will either. Though add another star to the rating below if you enjoy empty splatter.

1.5 / 5 stars     


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      1. Flay Otters March 12, 2013 at 6:06 pm

        Kind of a bummer to read – I had high hopes for some nutty clown madness from this one. Fair play in mind, may give it a go regardless but appreciate your writing it up.

        • Ash March 12, 2013 at 8:30 pm

          You may not be disappointed Flay because it is completely bonkers! …but it just was not my brand of tea. Been meaning to ask, what is that picture you have as your avatar? I can’t make it out (?)

        • taker1 March 13, 2013 at 1:31 am

          I think it really depends if you like Ross Noble or not. I am a huge fan of his and really enjoyed the film. The beginning kind of dragged for me but once Stitches turned up again it picked up. Very silly, lots of OTT blood and a scene with a cat that had me crying with laughter.

        • Ash March 13, 2013 at 6:21 am

          Cheers for your comment taker1, and a good one too. Proves there is a market for this kind of film.

      2. Flay Otters March 13, 2013 at 4:37 pm

        Makes sense – really, what strikes you and what just lands flat can vary day to day and hour to hour. Glad you’ve got a good longview of it. The picture I use is a quasi self portrait I did years ago from a black and white photobooth picture – kind of odd, figured it would work – grin.

      3. MaximeFrance May 23, 2013 at 3:40 pm

        I understand your point of view. But can’t a horror movie be silly and trully respectable? I thought it was fun and the kills were well done ( silly that is, but still decent ).
        I think horror movies shouldn’t all be taken too seriously, some fun never killed anyone.

      4. Ash May 23, 2013 at 11:15 pm

        Yes i think they can, if done well. The original Evil Dead films for example. I can’t deny I prefer scary rather than silly horror films but that’s not to say I can’t enjoy horror films that don’t take themselves seriously. Personally, I felt Stitches was a bore. It was silly and there was gore, but it was neither funny nor impressive. Glad you could enjoy it though :) Thank you for commenting MaximeFrance.

      5. ljbad January 5, 2014 at 1:02 am

        I tend to prefer silly horrors over serious ones, but I did not like Stitches. In fact, I agree with this review 100%. There’s no real tension because I didn’t really care about any of the characters. The protagonist is rather faceless and bland, just another quiet nerd who wants the girl, so I had a hard time rooting for him. And I couldn’t root for Stitches either; maybe if he’d been a more dedicated and sympathetic clown before he died, but he was a total jerk before and after death. Also, none of the jokes struck me as very funny. I wanted to like the movie, but it just wasn’t for me in the end. Admittedly, I’m not a huge fan of gratuitous gore, so that might have been part of the problem.

      6. bob101910 January 5, 2014 at 1:17 am

        Thought you guys forgot about Netflix after awhile since a best horror movies on Netflix list. Not including this one, it looks like I’ll have some horror to watch this weekend.

      7. denigris January 5, 2014 at 1:01 pm

        I’m also a huge Ross Noble fan, and although this movie wasn’t as good as I thought it would be, I honestly enjoyed it. Sure it’s silly, but the premise of a dark clown cult was quite interesting. Would have loved to see what they could do with a bigger budget.

      8. Ben Pine January 5, 2014 at 2:17 pm

        Loved it!

      9. Anil Sehgal January 5, 2014 at 2:18 pm

        Just added it to the list. Thanks!

      10. Shawn Gorsuch January 5, 2014 at 2:19 pm

        Awesome movie!

      11. Chris Casteel January 5, 2014 at 2:35 pm

        Great watch!

      12. Liam Spensley January 5, 2014 at 2:39 pm

        Silly but entertaining!

      13. Latoya Michelle Bracy January 5, 2014 at 2:40 pm

        Just stupid

      14. Matt Baker January 5, 2014 at 2:41 pm


      15. Stephen Keane January 5, 2014 at 2:52 pm

        I enjoyed it it was a bit slapstick but watchable to the end…. Had a league of gentle man feel to it.(you guys across the water may not know league of gentle men and your probably strangers to the town of Royston vasey, I’d recommend it)

      16. Alexander Gutierrez January 5, 2014 at 2:54 pm

        Watched this a few months ago. Soo bad it was actually kinda good. Take it with a grain of salt people.

      17. Mickey HotRod Marshall January 5, 2014 at 3:05 pm

        So awesome :)

      18. Pamela Lee-LaCombe January 5, 2014 at 3:19 pm

        Watched it last night. I can’t say I’d ever watch it again but I made it to the end, so it wasn’t too bad.

      19. Johana González January 5, 2014 at 3:21 pm

        Próxima por ver ..

      20. Megan Kemp January 5, 2014 at 3:31 pm

        Stupid but funny…
        And weird fun

      21. Dane Danger January 5, 2014 at 4:01 pm

        A bit cheeky

      22. Christopher Horton January 5, 2014 at 6:22 pm

        It was pretty funny. Good camp!

      23. Richard W Blackburn January 5, 2014 at 9:15 pm

        I watched this after I watched Grabbers and I liked both of them.