Have you ever been watching a horror movie and felt fed up with a character that wasn’t even the so-called “villain?” Somebody you just want to die? Don’t feel bad, chances are you’re dealing with a real jerk. The jerk or asshole is a time-honoured horror tradition who is usually a person whose true nature is revealed during stressful times when it’s a matter of life or death. They’re selfish cowards that usually get other characters killed while trying to save themselves.
Sometimes they are just like the others who were in the wrong place at the wrong time, but other times the whole damn thing is their fault. There are almost as many jerks in horror as there are horror movies, but I’ve picked 10 that stick out to me the most. Here we go!
10 ) Fritz (Frankenstein, 1931)
Fritz was the hunchback assistant of Doctor Frankenstein added by universal and wasn’t originally part of Mary Shelly’s Novel. It seems he was added just to mess everything up. The monster was alive and under Frankenstein’s control, then Fritz walks in with the torch and makes the Monster freak out.
Okay, that could have been an honest mistake right? Well then you see Fritz tormenting the monster with fire and a whip while he’s locked up. What an asshole! The monster eventually kills him and starts his rampage on the townspeople. Good job, Fritz…
9 ) Carter Burke (Aliens, 1986)
Carter Burke lands at number nine on the list because he releases face-huggers to latch onto Ripley and Newt in order to bring specimens home for the evil Weyland-Yutani Corporation that wants to use the alien for a weapon.
Furthermore, he seals the other survivors of his party away to save himself when the aliens start their final attack. Well, it didn’t work out so well for him. You know what rhymes with Burke? Jerk.
8 ) Hanover (Deep Rising, 1998)
Okay, so Deep Rising wasn’t exactly the best horror movie that ever came out, but for some reason the character of Hanover sticks with me as a real jerk. He’s the leader of a group of mercenaries that are about to rob a luxury cruise ship. The ship has been attacked by a giant octopus-like monster and blah blah they all have to get out to survive.
Hanover routinely screws over other character to survive but is finally caught and slowly eaten. Another character (who he recently shot in the leg) tosses him a gun to shoot himself with it. Hanover takes aim and tries to kill the guy instead. Now that’s a jerk! He realizes too late that it was the last bullet in the gun. Hanover was a jerk to the end.
7 ) Gang-Bangers (Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, 1989)
I honestly could have picked a jerk from every Friday the 13th and called it a day, but I think we can do better than that. I’m taking the two gang-bangers that kidnap Rennie purely because it’s so random.
All the survivors finally get away from Jason and are in Manhattan for like two minutes before these guys show up out of nowhere and take Rennie, drug her up and are about to rape her. Don’t worry, though, cause Jason shows up and saves the day by mercilessly killing these two.
6 ) Jake (Evil Dead II, 1987)
Okay, so old Jake is just an unlucky white trash guy who is worried about his girlfriend after she runs off into the woods. He seems alright for most of the movie than uh oh… he grabs the gun (nothing can turn a regular guy into a jerk faster than getting a hold of “the gun”). It’s not bad enough he’s flipping out and not listening to anybody, but he also throws the pages of the Necronomicon in the basement?!
Why would you do that?! It’s been clearly established that they need those pages to vanquish the evil. Well, he learned his lesson in the bloodiest fashion possible.
5 ) Quentin (Cube, 1997)
If there ever was a bully in any horror movie, it’s friggin Quentin. Cube was a fantastic movie that did a lot with very little. Quentin starts off being a pretty level-headed guy, but soon starts to bully and terrorize the others in order to survive. He becomes so obsessed with his own survival that he turns into a cold-blooded murderer.
I’ve also never seen anyone so savagely beaten with a shoe before. He finally gets what’s coming to him, but by then the damage is done.
4 ) Captain Rhodes (Day of the Dead, 1985)
Really, one can never give too much praise to Day of the Dead, but when it comes to jerks, it’s got a good one. Zombie movies always have a jerk who is usually a normal guy who just really doesn’t want to die. Rhodes is the ultimate bully control freak that takes advantage of the coming apocalypse to ensure his own survival.
Unfortunately, all jerks gotta die sometime but to his credit it was kind of metal. Nobody but a hardcore asshole can yell at zombies to choke on him as he’s getting ripped apart.
3 ) Harry Cooper (Night of the Living Dead, 1968)
Harry Cooper only beats out Rhodes because he came first. He’s willing to be a team player, sure, but not without complaining as much as humanly possible. He isn’t willing to risk his life or the lives of his family to save anybody else. He tries to lock Ben out when a plan to escape fails, but things really go south when he tries to grab the gun from Ben and is shot for his efforts. Nobody likes you, Cooper!
2 ) Major Henry West and soldiers (28 Days Later, 2002)
I remember when I first saw 28 Days Later I didn’t like it purely for the last portion of the film that involved the evil group of military guys. When I saw the movie recently, however, I enjoyed it a lot more knowing these assholes were going to be killed in the worst ways possible. Zombie movies are great to showcase how humanity would react in the face of their own inevitable destruction.
Part of that are things like justifiable rape. Well how about some justifiable thumbs-to-the-eyes, you stupid jerks! Each one of these guys gets it in the end and it’s bloody satisfying.
1 ) Joel (Pumpkinhead, 1988)
So we’ve hit number one. Why does Joel take the top spot over the others? Well, because the entire killing of his friends by a vengeance demon is his fault. Joel was the one to recklessly take the dirt bike out and kill that kid. He makes everyone else flee the scene and threatens and intimidates everyone to shut them up so he doesn’t go to jail.
He even bashes people in the head and locks them in closets ! They even say it in the movie. “He’s a jerk. Yeah but he’s a talented jerk. No, he’s just a jerk jerk!”
Well that’s it for this top ten. Have I missed some of your favourites? Was there somebody you hated even more and loved when they got theirs? Comment and let us know!