Doom : judgment, decision; especially : a judicial condemnation or sentence.
Let me preface this by saying: I know that this opinion will not be popular. However, I mean to play Devil’s advocate with my writings. You might
hate love me, by the end of this list.
That being said, I have been thinking about this for the past year or so. Is the Horror market becoming over-saturated? Maybe I am just a truly jaded human being, but it seems like Hollywood is trying really hard to make a buck here lately off of genre fans.
Us. You and me. The “royal we”.
But to do so, is very, very tricky. “Why is it so tricky?”, one may ask?
Because horror fans are intelligent, and we are quick to judge a film or show. If it seems like something we’ve seen before, its as good as dead to us. We crave something new, and different. We love it, or we hate. The horror community is totally polarized. Our hoard is as brutal as the animal kingdom when it comes to our judgement.
Love it or hate it, “The Walking Dead” has paved the way for all of the other horror-centric series that are out there. ” The Walking Dead” has proven that you could have a series, with substantial gore and adult themes, and make a TON of money with it. The high production value, and in-depth character analysis is a literal blueprint for success. Not to mention, the show could literally go on for 50 seasons. They brought a comic book to life, where almost every character is expendable.
“American Horror Story” followed suite, and while not as popular, was also highly lucrative. Mostly because “American Horror Story” re-invents itself completely every season. The story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. If you didn’t like last season, then you may like the next one! How Jessica Lange has not won multiple awards for her performance, is also a mystery to me.
There’s a long list of good shows out there, but I want to examine the not-so great ones.
So here are some TV series that I have checked out lately, only to be left disappointed. Maybe “disappointed” is not really the word I’m looking for. I felt like I got robbed. A victim of audio-visual mindcrime?
Something along those lines…
1. The Following
First up, is “The Following”. This one is complicated. I will keep it as brief as possible, when it comes to my gripes. This is the best of the worst…whatever THAT means.
The series started off strong. All of the actors involved are top notch. Kevin Bacon’s character is complex, and haunted. He is the very definition of “Neutral Good” when it comes to character analysis. Our serial killer, Joe, is also fantastic. He is intriguing, charismatic, and calculated. Every episode gives you another piece of the puzzle, and the backstory (told in flashbacks, Like “LOST”) is near-genius. The dialogue is real, and believable.
The fact that Kevin Bacon also mercilessly shoots/murders at least one person per episode is also a big plus.
So why is it doomed?
They played all of their cards at once. This is essentially a one season story. Near the end, I was thinking: ” This cant keep going on. Maybe it will all get wrapped up in one season.”
Nope! They are going to drag it out. We are left with a cliff-hanger in the final episode that feels forced and contrived. You walk a fine line in the “business” of keeping your artistic integrity, and being a money grubbing whore. They took the path of the latter, in my opinion.
Told you so. You might hate me.
Oh good!! You’re still reading! I’m very proud of you, reader.
“Red Dragon” was my favorite of the Hannibal series of books. Will Graham is a complicated, brilliant FBI profiler and the first to “work” with Dr. Lecter. Will Graham eventually has his entire life turned upside down by his involvement, and suffers greatly by the end of the story. He is a compelling character, and Ed Norton (“Red Dragon”) and William Petersen (“Manhunter”) have both played the role of Will Graham before Hugh Dancy.
While the production is outstanding, and the actors are great…I just couldn’t get into it. Like “The Following”, I feel that this show also suffers from the plot being written into a corner. How far can this possibly go? We already know how it ends!
And with that said, let me continue my unpopular opinion with:
This show sucks.
There. I said it. It’s a juvenile way to express my feelings, I know. I’m ashamed of myself.
From the good-looking-reluctant-destiny-bound-hero, to his werewolf buddy…it sucks. The special effects are lame. The plot is boring. The acting is laughable. This could be on the CW network, right after something equally as lame like “The Vampire Diaries”.
I still watched a good bit of the show, even though my mind was made up after the first episode. I compare it to watching gender reassignment surgery videos, or that video on youtube where the tarantula eats a whole mouse. You watch it out of pure, sick perversion.
Or maybe I am just a masochist and I hate myself.
No. That’s wrong. I hate everyone else.
At any rate…
Every time I see a commercial for new episodes, I sit there in total wonderment and surprise. Not only did it finish a full season, It’s still going.
Just like the unexplained phenomenon of Nickleback selling millions of albums- PEOPLE, SOMEWHERE, IN LARGE QUANTITIES are watching “Grimm” on a regular basis.
I guess there is a huge market for shows that are seemingly written by barely literate, slack-jawed 13 year olds that re-hash classic fairy tales.
Whew! I thought I was going to come off as mean on that one. Glad I was just honest…
This is the very definition of doomed. If I were to list four things that concoct the lamest idea ever for a horror series, my list would look like this:
- Found Footage style
- Reality TV
- PG 13 Horror
- Idiots running around in the woods
The series is only a few episodes in, and already seems like it’s over-stayed it’s welcome.
The characters are vapid, more so than actual reality Tv stars… considering the wealth of profoundly stupid reality shows out there, this says a lot. The plot is over-used, trite nonsense. The acting is unintentionally hilarious. The special effects are not very special.
Whats going on in the woods? What will happen to our characters? Is it all a part of the show? Is there a deeper meaning?
I don’t care. Next!!!!
5. Bates Motel
Ugh. I think I’m going to have to take a nap, purge my stomach of its contents, and take a bleach shower after this.
Were the 3 original films, and one remake just not enough? Did we somehow miss some of the story with all of those efforts? Is Norman Bates really such a compelling character that we have to have an entire TV series dedicated to his story?
Have the dirty vampires that run Hollywood become so entirely bankrupt on originality that this is all we get?
Here I present to you, an overheard conversation at NBC Studios:
” We need a new horror series. People are really eating up scary stuff here lately, but we don’t have talented enough writers to come up with anything original on-the-fly. However, my entire life revolves around money, so…”
“How about we just take a classic horror movie, and make a prequel to it? The public is dumb. They will love it, because they identify with the source material. Something Hitchcock? The Birds? Veritgo? PSYCHO?”
“That’s genius! People will watch anything. Look at that Honey Boo Boo! Lets go pitch the idea and then go spend some money!”
What are your thoughts? Have you been excited about a TV show lately that left a bad taste in your mouth? Leave your comments at the bottom!