When Count Dracula said he never drinks wine, it was obvious that he meant he would rather crack open a can of Colt 45 Type B. Beer is typically the prominent liquor featured in Horror films; a six pack of a powerful presence for the viewer. Its subliminal messaging can easily conjure a Horror fan to ponder about slipping out into the night to a local corner-store for a brew. So forget about wine and roses, this about beer and ten Horror films that will make you crave a cold one!
Return Of The Living Dead
How It Makes You Crave Beer: The Soundtrack/Punk tone. Music from bands such as The Cramps and T.S.O.L. are featured as the main heroes fight zombies while you fight the store clerk for overcharging the Bud. While the home video releases vary in soundtracks (due to licensing issues), any one of them sound good enough to mosh to but it could have used a specific band: FEAR, a punk group with many songs about beer. How does a zombie attack with “I Love Livin’ In The City” playing in the background sound to you?
Ernest Scared Stupid
The Film:Ernest P. Worrell battles an evil troll who makes children into wooden dolls, possibly to sell at the flea market.
How It Makes You Crave Beer: Its a crowd pleaser. Putting this on at a Halloween party (or any hang out in general) will get everyone laughing and having a good ol’ English of a time. It has a high nostalgia-power full of pop culture references (Level 8 Mario Brothers!) and if you grew up in the mid 80’s to early 90’s, you’ve seen part of this film at some point. Its a ridiculous concept that turned out to be the final theatrical Ernest film but one of the more well-known ones. Don’t bother getting milk or miak for this one, go for beer.
The Film: A mad scientist creates a man out of dead body parts. Followed by several sequels and a breakfast cereal.
Why It Makes You Crave Beer: Baron Von Frankenstein. He’s the comic relief and gets a good amount of screen time as he stubbornly dismisses rumours of his son’s work and downs bottles of his great grandparent’s wine. This wine turns out to be his “wunder trinken” as he uses it to revive his son after being knocked out by The Monster. But we’re talking about beer: since the good Baron is a drinker and living in Germany, its obvious it isn’t just the wine he’s into. For his son’s wedding day, he provides the town with an unlimited supply of beer. Then the Monster comes and snatches the bride away, giving the locals a chance to use their kitchen table legs as torches. The Monster is killed, and we go back to the wedding.. oh, “Hey Baron, how bout another supply of Dab?”
Day Of The Dead
The Film: A group of scientists and soldiers hold up in an underground base as the dead walk the earth.
Why It Makes You Crave Beer: The plot is about a group of people confined during a global crisis that has potentially wiped out the entire human race. What is there to do? The anxiety is portrayed quite well by the actors, and the little amount of outdoor scenes keeps you feeling like you’re among the group. Might as well enjoy the finer things available, even if it is light beer.
(Any) Friday The 13
The Films: A little boy drowns in a lake while camp counsellors pork each other. Years later, he returns to get revenge by slaughtering every teenager in the county. This continues for many years, one including Crispen Glover.
Why It Makes You Crave Beer: Beer seems to be the last taste of the good life for the targeted teens in the Friday The 13thseries. They’re on top of the world: underage, but managed to get booze and now done having sex with the hottest girl/guy in camp. Now time for another beer and the bump-off! This formula isn’t for every kill, but it does happen at least once per film and a cold one is always involved. It can be quite satisfying to raise your mug at the screen as buddy gets stabbed in 3-D.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2
Why It Makes You Crave Beer: Chili and the character of L.G. is what fuels the need for a beer. The spicy meal is the business of the cannibalistic family and serving up a bowl of human meat is what makes them so popular; the chili wins an award state wide! A cerveza is what goes along best with a hearty (literally) bowl of Texas chili. And then there’s L.G. , the lovable radio station technician who spits everywhere. He’s a stubborn guy with a good heart who likes beer with his lil’ fry homes. He’s also the source for one of the greatest pick-up lines in cinema history:
Kingdom Of The Spiders
The Film:Killer tarantulas begin to wipe out an entire town as the local veterinarian works with a sassy spider expert to rid the creepy crawlers.
Why It Makes You Crave Beer: Rack Hansen, Vet extraordinaire. This guy likes a good beer, even when there’s tarantulas killing off local livestock. Its Shatner’s portrayal of an animal doctor (who seems to have as much authority as a town doctor) that draws you into wishing you were on the porch sharing a six pack with Rack and the Sheriff. When he’s not tossing back cold ones he’s fighting off spiders and a horny sister-in-law. The main characters eventually hold up in a lodge with a complete bar, which is much like our next film…
Shaun Of The Dead
The Film: A British man, down on his luck with a crumbling relationship, becomes a leader when a zombie plague occurs.
Why It Makes You Crave Beer: This one is a no-brainer; the Winchester Pub! Like the lodge in Kingdom Of The Spiders, its the hold-up locale for the later half of the film. Yet, the Winchester is a full-on pub so it does contain more booze, and with such a confined space (like Day Of The Dead) you feel like you’re in there sitting at the table with Shaun and his friends, talking about peanuts and nibbles.
Halloween III: Season Of The Witch
The Film: The sinister owner of a novelty company distributes killer Halloween masks to children in order to make a sacrifice to Pagan gods.
Why It Makes You Crave Beer: Dr. Dan Challis. If there is any Horror film character I could sit down with for a brew, it’d be him. Here’s a doctor who has gone out of his way to help a woman named Ellie figure out what her father, a former Silver Shamrock employee, was running away from. Hold the calls, cancel any appointments, and let Dan get something for the road. Upon their arrival to the ghost town of Santa Mira, Dan takes charge of the situation and decides that its getting late and he could use a drink. Ellie can’t seem to resist his P.H.D in knowing when its time to get sloshed, and they get it on. He later gets his info on Conal Cochran, the company owner, off a bum by sharing what should be by now his fourth purchase at the liquor store. If Cochran only took more time to notice Challis’s weakness, he could of easily had Dan out of his way:
The Film: Underground slug monsters attack a small town by sensing the movement above. Kevin Bacon literally sizzles on the screen.
Why It Makes You Crave Beer: Val and Earl! These guys embody all the qualities of Rack Hansen and Dan Challis combined but play it very simple; they’re two dudes who hate their lives/jobs and enjoy beer. Let’s see how many scenes there are where its Miller Time:
While the movie ended on a happy note, it didn’t show the probable celebration that the town of Perfection had: filling that damn noisy fridge full of beer and toasting to Walter Chang a few times. Watching this one, I really can’t help myself but open a bottle. Even just thinking about it…