The Five Types of Horror Film Collectors


I spend an obscene amount of money on DVDs every month.  Everyone I know gives me static for this hobby telling me "you waste your money" or "why don't you go back to school" or the more common "stop stealing office supplies, we know its you".  I know a lot of you are in the same boat as me.  For some reason it seems like us horror fans double as collectors in our super secret real lives. 

While talking and debating about the movies that we love on the boards, for one reason or another, behind us sits a looming collection of films engulfing the room like a wave about to crash down on your head.  Maybe you are just a casual collector, picking up just the movies you love and renting the occasional film that piques your interest (i.e. it probably has boobs in it).  Maybe you are a die hard collector picking up any horror movie you can get your hands on.  Well whatever kind of collector you are, you are your own unique person will a taste in film that is completely indicative of your personality.  You will now easily fit in one of the five categories below.

Level 1:  Casual Horror Collector: This is the type of collector that doesn't really make a habit (make a problem?) out of buying DVDs.  They don't have anyone to show their collection off to, but even if they did, no one they know or love would probably care.  Generally this is the type of person that can watch a movie once and they don't feel that a replay is necessary (ever).  They don't have movie watching marathons or snowy day movie binges and only see this form of entertainment on a lazy Saturday afternoon or a night in with a pizza and a loved one.  It is their alternative to real fun.

Personality Type:  These collectors usually aren't that interested in movies opting instead to go out and live life to the fullest.  They don't restrain themselves to sitting on a couch for hours, but instead they go out and grab the world by the balls by frequenting sexy parties and joining various social organizations (Lions Club, Fraternities, Knights of Columbus, whatever).  They aren't bad people.  They just aren't losers like most of us are.

Most Recent Horror Purchase:  "The Ring, it was at Wal Mart for 5 bucks and I totally like, LOVED that movie like so much when I like 13"

Level 2:  Nostalgic Horror Film Collector: Description: The nostalgic horror film collector is probably the most prolific horror film collector out there.  These are the people that love certain horror films that they have grown up with, or have special places in their personal history.  Their collection is not a matter of what a genre hound "should" have or what the latest horror aficionado "thinks" that they MUST BUY, it's filled with more personal films that they truly love (or got really cheap).  Some of these collectors have bigger libraries than others, but that's because they probably have a little more change to spend. 

Personality Type:  These collectors are generally fans of films, but not necessarily horror films.  As it turns out most of their collection is nostalgia based and you won't find them scouring the latest horror releases at the video store.  Usually their favorite films were introduced to them and if they liked them, maybe they bought them.

Most Recent Horror Purchase: "Jaws 25th Anniversary edition.  My Dad let me stay up late one night when I was 8 years old and we now watch it together every memorial day."

Level 3: Horror Film Snob: Description:  These people are generally not pleasant to be around.  They automatically feel that they know more about horror films than you will ever know.  They are also very happy to you know that repeatedly.  Their artistic interest in horror is probably merely just a dabble to see how the other half lives, eventually to go back to the security of their criterion blanket.  Their taste in horror may include some amazing films, but they have forgotten how to find entertainment anymore.  It's all about the education and how much more they know than you about cinema.

Personality Type:  This person usually doesn't have a lot of friends, and if they do, they are also usually unpleasant to be around.  Pretension fills the air.  Everyone looks at you like you have two heads when you say that you weren't too impressed with Takashi Miike's "Imprint".  They think you are closed minded noticing and studying Asian oppression in contemporary post-modern Japanese horror cinema.  You lean back and say "maybe so, but it was still slow as shit and boring"

Most Recent Horror Purchase: "The Silence of the Lambs Special Edition.  Being the last film to win the big 5 at the Oscars, It simply must have a place in my collection"

Level 4: Tech Horror Aficionado Description: Blu-Ray!  1080p!  Interlaced!  Progressive! HDMI!  These words often shout out of the mouths of the horror tech aficionado as if you have any idea what they mean.  These collectors are the first ones to basically turn their back on their own collections in looking towards the formats of the future.  These are the guys that have 200 laser disks lying around in an egg crate some where just waiting till the format gets rediscovered (it won't).

Personality Type:  Usually kind of a shut in.  They spend their time with their large, complex and beautiful home theaters and really have no reason to go outside.  Often times they will be the guy at working telling you how awesome their Sony Bravia 72" plasma really brings out the blood and gore of Dawn of the Dead (on Blu Ray of Course).  The only time you will run into one of these collectors in the real world is on Tuesdays when Best Buy first opens.  They will be the pale ones.  They don't travel in packs.

Most Recent Horror Purchase:  whichever one came out on Blu-Ray this week

Level 5:  Hard Core Collector: Description:  These are our heroes.  They spend the better part of their incomes on DVD's and are pretty much the demographic most responsible for the "Special Edition".  They buy every edition of the films that they can get their hands on including box sets and special limited edition gimmicks.  As soon as they all get up with the new trends, they will upgrade to blu-ray.  And buy every single movie they already own for 30 bucks just to "have" it.

Personality Type:  These people are actually pretty fun to be around.  They are usually the life of the party with an encyclopedic knowledge of all kinds of horror cinema.  They watch everything that they can get their hands on so they like their movies for different reasons and can most likely have an intelligent conversation on anything horror.  They are the warriors at the conventions waiting in line for that extra 2 hours while Robert Englund goes and has lunch and strolls back in whenever the hell he feels like it.

Most Recent Horror Purchase:  The region 2 copy of Phastasm 2 so they can go to the convention this weekend to get it signed by Reggie Bannister, Angus Scrimm, and Don Coscarelli.

Well there you have it!  So which horror movie collector are you?  Are you a pretentious aficionado?  Are you a rabid horror fan that has to have every edition of every horror film ever? 

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