Deadmanwalkin's Top Ten Horror Films of 2009

Wow.. it hard to believe that it's that time of year again. The last of the major holidays of 2009 is done and in the books, while at the same time we begin gear up to kick off a new year with a "bloody splash." I guess, time flies when you're having fun. 

Anywhoo.. what you are about to read is my attempt at a "top 10 horror list" for 2009.. I have a better chance at naming the top 10 STDs that Meh has, then giving you the "best of horror", but the deadman will do his best to give you what I thought was best in 2009.

Here is where I insert a "side note." All of these films, I saw for the first time this year, but they might not of been released this year - but no matter what the date is, they were still some of the best horror I've seen all year. So without further "ah-do" (Meh, slap your belly so I can have a drum roll) - here is the "Deadman's Top 10 Horror Films of 2009." WAIT!!! Stop the belly slapping.. the first 5 films are in no particular order, but then we'll round out the countdown with the top 5.. starting at 5 and working our way to UNO!

(Ok Meh.. begin the belly slapping).

"A Comedy of Horrific Portions." (Tagline – Red Victoria)

Written and directed by Anthony Brownrigg, Red Victoria is about an unsuccessful romance writer is convinced by his agent to write a horror film to help make ends meet. He winds up accidentally releasing an undead muse named Victoria in his efforts to write horror. She takes charge of the situation by inspiring him to write a horror script by killing all his friends and family.

If you have a love for indie films - this a must see. Red Victoria is a well-written and acted film.. funny and somewhat twisted, it will definitely make you want your very own "undead muse."

"Martial arts? You’re fighting zombies!" (Mitsuo –Tokyo Zombie)

Based on the manga, the story follows two blue-collar factory workers (who happen to be jiu-jitsu experts) dealing with a zombie uprising in Tokyo. When the story begins, Fujio and Mitsuo are dreaming of training in martial arts overseas and becoming famous. When they accidentally kill their overbearing boss, they decide to cover up the evidence and bury him at a man-made garbage mountain known as DARK FUJI. Unfortunately for them, the tons of rotting garbage have been contaminated with industrial waste… Which, naturally, transforms the bodies of the dead into ravenous, flesh-eating zombies.

Tokyo Zombie is a strange film and unless you "get" the Japanese sense of humor, by the films end you might be saying WFT. I will admit, by trying to stay true to the manga, the film does begin to suffer (towards the end) - but if you "check your brain in at the door" and just go along with this buddy horror-comedy you may find yourself really liking this film and maybe even practicing a little jiu-jitsu... btw Fujio has some of the best hair I've seen in a film in a long time.

Our hero, Cooper, awakes to find himself nauseous, weak and covered in webbing, hanging from the ceiling of an office where, just minutes ago, he started his new job. As he struggles out of his slimy prison he comes face to face with his opponent - a grotesque, powerful and very angry bug. All 3 ft of it.

And so begins a hideous, nail-biting, comedic, all-action adventure to find a safe haven while constantly outwitting an infestation of monstrous proportions. As Cooper embarks on his journey, he befriends a ragtag group of survivors including Sara, a feisty attractive female. Although the situation is dire, Cooper can't help himself from trying to solve his dating problem while trying to save his life.

Will they make it to safety before they are picked off one by one? And what other surprises are in store for our group of unlikely heroes?

B-rated horror fans rejoice and for those who are looking for a "guilty pleasure" - this is your film. Bugs, gore, some boobage, more bugs, gore and a "what the!?!" moment with a little dog - will sure to put a smile on your face.

"Always check your candy." (Steven – Trick r Treat)

Four interwoven stories that occur on Halloween: An everyday high school principal has a secret life as a serial killer; a college virgin might have just met the one guy for her; a group of teenagers pull a mean prank; a woman who loathes the night has to contend with her holiday-obsessed husband.

I’ve been wanting to watch this film for a while now and I’m finally glad I did. If you are looking for a "holiday horror" film, then this is a definite add to your DVD rotation. Trick r Treat is one of the better films (since Creepshow) that is able to weave several short stories together - making it cohesive, fun and somewhat scary. I will admit that Trick r Treat does go a little over the top towards the end – but there is a good balance between the stories, with "The School Bus Massacre Revisited" the strongest of the four.

"Every year he kills. Right now he's out there. Watching. Waiting. So don't look; he'll see you. Don't breathe; he'll hear you. Don't move; you're dead!" (Camp Counselor – The Burning)

The Burning is a 1981 slasher film directed by Tony Maylam, with music by Rick Wakeman. It tells the story of a cruel, alcoholic caretaker at a summer camp (nicknamed Cropsy, after the huge garden shears he carries) who falls victim to a prank that went out of control and leaves him horribly burned and disfigured. Following his release from hospital, he returns to his old stomping ground and begins a murder spree.

Somewhat lost in the shuffle of 80’s horror, The Burning is a film that needs to be seen by all horror fans. Directed by Tony Maylam, with SFX by a "young" Tom Savani – The Burning gives you what is great about 80’s horror.. high body count and some boobage. For those old enough, take a trip down memory lane and for those who are not, take a new trip and see why so many horror films of today try and pay homage to 80’s horror – plus seeing a young Jason Alexander (with hair) is worth the price of a rental. On a side note, be sure to get the unrated version – it’s the only way to watch this film.

Now it’s time for my top five films of 2009…

"Please, you don't understand. She's special. She needs... special food." (Madeline Matheson – Grace)

When an accident takes the life of the unborn, 8-month-old fetus inside her, Madeline Matheson insists on delivering the stillborn child -- only to discover that the baby is alive and heinously hungry. Before long, voracious baby Grace spurns milk and forces Madeline to slake her insatiable appetite for blood.

I’ve been a fan of Paul Solet (director) since 2005 when I saw his short film – "Means to an End" which was part of Fangoria’s Blood Drive 2 DVD. I also was able to see Paul’s original short film (of Grace) back in 2006 and I initially thought that Paul was onto something and that this is one director to keep an eye on… and with Grace, he definitely doesn’t disappoint. Nothing is stronger than a mother’s love for her child and Paul shows just how far a mother would go with that love. Grace is a nice slow burn, which will get under your skin (more than one way).

"Well, basically it could be two things: it could be a ghost... or it could be a demon." (Micah – Paranormal Activity)

When Katie and Micah fear their San Diego, Calif., home may be haunted by a demonic presence, Micah sets up a video camera to document all the jaw-dropping, hair-raising action over a series of several nights in fall 2006. The paranormal occurrences increase in frequency and significance, leaving Katie more and more distraught -- and determined to put an end to the terror.

Like some of you, I was also one of them who went to the Paranormal Activity website to "Demand It!" and when it finally hit the theaters in our town – I wasn’t disappointed. Well acted and "slickly" edited, Paranormal Activity is the type of film that shows how good something can be, without the "budget"... and I also haven’t had this much fun watching a movie in a theater in a long time. Creepy, fun and (somewhat scary) this is the perfect film to watch with a bunch of friends – just be sure to have the lights off and the volume up.

"Lucie was only a victim. Like all the others. It's so easy to create a victim.." (Mademoiselle – Martyrs)

Years after she escaped from an icy torture chamber in an abandoned slaughterhouse, Lucie enlists the help of her closest friend, Anna, to track down the family who tormented her and exact her revenge. But when Lucie and Anna investigate further, they discover that they've only scratched the surface of an unspeakably vile secret organization.

So far I’ve only seen three French horror films – "Eyes Without a Face", "Haute Tension" and now "Martyrs" and I’ve been "WOW’ed" by all three. I’m usually not a fan of films "of the like" of Martyrs – but I am a fan of this film. Beautifully directed (by Pascal Laugier) – Martyrs takes you to a place you don’t want to go, but then when you get there, you can’t help but watch. Technically, this film is above many that I’ve seen.. it’s well acted, solid story, editing, lighting, etc. etc and it could of easily been my #1 film, except for the last third of the film, where it begins to focus on one thing and it was beginning to lose me. It was kind of like 28 Days Later – the first 2/3rds of the film, "brilliant" and the last 3^rd so-so.. it was almost like watching two different films. In the end, with Martyrs, you will be shocked and maybe even horrified, but you also come away with a respect with how well Martyrs is made – it’s one of the more "true horror films."

"What happened to her eyes?" (Sergio – [REC])

Trapped in a quarantined Barcelona apartment building with residents, firefighters and a growing horde of ravenous zombies, television reporter Angela and her cameraman, Pablo, record brutal deaths and terrifying events while trying to stay alive.

For the longest time, [REC] was my number one film of the year. I’m a fan of Jaume Balaguero, I really like the way he tells a story, his visual style of directing.. and with [REC] he doesn’t let you down. First off, this film is way better (on all fronts) than the American remake "Quarantine" – so if you liked "Quarantine," you’ll love [REC]. Secondly, one reviewer wrote: "What [REC] captures perfectly is panic, urgency, and fear.. and I have to agree. Even going into this, with previously watching "Quarantine" and knowing what’s going to happen, you cant help but get drawn into the characters and absorbed with what is going on. Don’t be blinded by the thought, that since you’ve already seen one version and there is no need to see [REC], because if you are of that "mind set" then you will miss out on a gem of a film.

"Yeah? Well, your nipples are dumb." (Misty – Hatchet)

When Ben, his friend Marcus and assorted strangers embark on a creepy nighttime boat trip into the bayou, their journey takes them into the lair of Victor Crowley, a freak of nature whose deformity has turned him into a bloodthirsty killer. Only Marybeth, one of the travelers, holds the secret that may keep them alive.

The tagline for this film is "Old School American Horror." and that is what Adam Green (director) gives you, "Old School American Horror".. and I loved every bit of it. Seriously, as much fun as I had watching Paranormal Activity in the theater, I had twice as much fun-watching Hatchet on my laptop (thanks to Netflixs). The whole time watching this film, I had a smile on my face (and it wasn’t just because of the boobage)… from the acting, to the dialogue, to the gore – this film sent me to "horror movie paradise." It took me awhile to finally see Hatchet, so if you haven’t checked this film out, then do. You might have to "check your brain in at the door" but just go along for the ride, because it’s one hell of a fun ride.

So that’s it.. those were the deadman’s top 10 films for 2009, so I hope you enjoyed. Love it, hate it or give me a cookie, that’s for you guys to decide – but hopefully, I’m able to turn you onto a film that you haven’t seen yet and maybe one of these will be your new "guilty pleasure" or "hidden gem."

So later my HM freaks, I got to give Meh his penicillin shot.